The Bizarre Saga: Skyward Sword
by OneBizarreKai
Summary: An ancient legend, recently rediscovered, tells a tale of a people that lived in a city in the sky. When a sudden evil rose against them, a group of student knights were chosen by fate to put a stop to it. Accompanied by their malfunctioning robot of a companion, they journeyed to fulfill their destiny, revealing their stories along the way, and meeting many eccentric characters.
1. Into a New Time

**Welcome readers, to Skyward Sword, what I like to consider the point where this series took a step out of its regular patterns.  
**

**This story is very different from the preceding ones. Not only does it completely switch time periods and main characters, but it tries to be more coherent in its storytelling and has characters (canon and original) with actual personalities rather than just being dialogue, explosions and crack. Don't worry, though, it's still the Bizarre Saga, and it's still a comedy; it just takes on a different style!**

**Although it starts out with the characters from the last story, it quickly changes perspective, so reading the previous stories isn't necessary if you don't want to.**

* * *

The Bizarre Saga: Skyward Sword  
Chapter 1: Into a New Time

One regular, boring day for the heroes, Saria decided that she would explore the Lost Woods. Since they managed to come across Termina a few years earlier after she had sworn she explored the woods to the edge, she thought more things were to be located within. Besides, she had nothing better to do.

After a few days, one day Nathan decided to come with her, and she slipped down a completely invisible hole (AGAIN), to see an ancient door that looked like it had been there for ages within a small cavern. On closer inspection, there was a sign next to it that read "Deepwood Library" in letters that were carved rather than written.

"What the heck is a library doing here of all places?" Saria wondered. Nathan slid down the hole behind her, accidentally crashing into her and sending them both crashing through the door that broke when they hit it. "Ow…"

Nate jumped up immediately. "Sorry about that!" he apologized. He looked around and saw all the dusty bookshelves all over the place, packed with books. The walls were all made of stone and the floor was wood. "Why is this all underground…?"

When Saria stood up, she took out the lantern she had brought with her and looked all over the place, seeing empty lanterns hanging low, disorganized books, both small and large.

After a bit of searching, Saria, being the kind of person that she is, ended up finding false bunch of stones in the floor, with a ladder leading down to a supposedly hidden basement that looked like it hadn't been entered in an even longer time than the library itself.

There was little in the basement, with the exception of a giant book on a stand. The cover was too dusty to make out what it looked like, so out of curiosity, Saria brushed all the dust off the cover to find a simple writing on the cover saying "The True Legend of the Sword".

"Hey, Nathan! Get down here!" Saria called. Within seconds, Nathan had zoomed down the ladder, because if Saria called _him_, it was important. "Come see this thing, it looks mildly interesting."

Nathan raised an eyebrow and walked over. They opened up to the first page…

_This is a tale that you humans have passed  
__down through uncounted generations…_

_It tells of a war of unmatched scale and ferocity,  
__the likes of which would never be seen again._

_One dark, fateful day, the earth cracked wide and  
__malevolent forces rushed forth from the fissure._

_They mounted a brutal assault upon the surface  
__people, driving the land into deep despair…_

_They burnt forests to ash, choked the land's sweet  
__springs, and murdered without hesitation._

_They did all this in their lust to take the ultimate __power protected  
by Her Grace, the goddess. __The power she guarded was without equal._

_Handed down by the gods of old, this power gave its  
__holder the means to make any desire a reality._

_Such was the might of the ultimate power that  
__the old ones placed it in the care of the goddess._

_To prevent this great power from falling into  
__the hands of the evil swarming the lands…_

_the goddess gathered the surviving humans  
__on an outcropping of earth._

_She sent it skyward, beyond the reach of the __demonic hordes.  
__Beyond even the clouds._

_With the humans safe, the goddess joined forces with the land dwellers and fought  
the evil forces, sealing them away. __At last, peace was restored to the surface._

_This is a tale that you humans have told for  
__many ages, generation to generation…_

_But there are other legends, long hidden away from  
__memory, that are intertwined with this tale._

_Now, a new legend bound to this great story  
__stands ready to be revealed._

_… And it might not be exactly what you expect._

"Not what we expect…?" Nathan repeated, slightly confused. "What's that supposed to mean…? There's no author written, either. Who wrote this?"

"I'm starting to wonder what exactly this place is," Saria stated. She picked up the giant book. "C'mon Nate, we're getting out of here. I'd rather read this in the comfort of my own home rather than in an area where a spider could drop on my head any second."

* * *

"What _is _that?" Link asked, entering Saria's house, spotting the giant book lying on a table. "That's the most ginormous book I have ever seen in my life."

"I think it's a forgotten legend," Saria explained. "If a book interests me, there's definitely something up. Especially since I found it in a hidden ancient library in a _hidden basement_."

"Saria thinks we should all read it together," Nathan stated. "For whatever reason."

Which they did. When all four of them had gathered at the table, they opened up the book, and began reading it…

* * *

_"It's so dark…"_

_"I see a creepy blue thing floating in front of me…"_

_"And now there's a FREAKING HUGE DINOSAUR WITHOUT EYES…"_

_"Please stay away please stay away please- Huh? What the…"_

_"SQUUUUAAAWWWWK!"_

_"AUUUUUGH!"_

CRASH.

"Ow…" a blond teenaged boy muttered, having fallen off his bed from the dream. "I just _had _to land on the stone floor rather than the carpet…" He turned around to see the same giant blue bird that just appeared in his nightmare, sticking its head through the window of his room.

"You have mail!" the bird squawked, apparently having the ability to speak. It began to spit letters at the boy like bullets. Forty letters later, it slammed the window shut.

Now, there was a pile of letters surrounding the boy. He sat up, barely having caught what just happened, when the bird opened the window again and spat one last letter onto his head.

The blond boy examined the last letter, noticing that it was inside a pink envelope, indicating that it was a certain girl who sent it. "Why did Zelda send me a letter if we live in the same building…?" he wondered, tearing open the envelope.

_"Link! Are you sleeping in late AGAIN? It's the Wing Ceremony today, and I've been waiting at the statue for you for quite some time now! I hope my bird invaded your dreams and spat this letter onto your head like I asked him to, because otherwise, you probably wouldn't wake up!  
__-Zelda"_

"Well crap…" Link mumbled, realizing it was _way _later than he thought it was.

This building he was living in was known as the Knight Academy, on a floating island in the sky known as Skyloft. Actually, it was the only academy on the entire island, which was entirely a town, and it was basically a college on top of that.

For some unexplained reason, Link was sleeping in his regular clothes, and didn't need to take a shower because video games. He came outside as quickly as possible, because an impatient Zelda wasn't a good Zelda.

"Good morning, Link!" a random man greeted, standing right above the exit Link just came out of, which was near another entrance to the school. "I'm going to tell you how to run up walls because that's a new mechanic in this game!"

"I'm sorry, what?" Link asked, not able to break the fourth wall.

The man went on, only confusing Link more. "By holding the A button, you can sprint for some time and then hop up walls, because for some reason, you're automatically incredibly athletic! You can also press Z on the Nunchuk to target!"

"Um, if you'll excuse me, I need to go see Zelda…"

"Now, try running up that box over there, because otherwise, you can't get up here! Hahaha!"

So apparently, Link _was _able to hop up walls like the man said, and he needed to go up there anyway in order to reach the spot where Zelda was waiting, which was exactly what he did after getting up there. The man _did _ask him to go find the headmaster's pet after Link got up there, but he really didn't have time for that.

At the goddess statue, Link walked in to see Zelda in a dress she'd never worn before, playing an unfamiliar instrument while singing a beautiful song. She noticed he was there and turned to face him.

"Hey! Good morning, Link!" she exclaimed. "I'm glad to see my Loftwing got you out of bed this morning, because I was pretty sure you'd sleep in again."

Link nodded slowly, still thinking about how he wanted to get more sleep.

"But look at this instrument!" Zelda held out the musical instrument she had been playing the song on. "And this outfit! Aren't they beautiful? They're mine to use today since I'll be playing the role of the goddess for the ceremony!"

"U-um…" Link paused, turning a little red. "Yeah, you look great."

"Are you wondering what this is?" Zelda asked him, brushing her finger along the strings her instrument. "Father told me it's called a harp. He said it's just like the one the goddess was said to have in the legends! And these clothes! I made the wrap myself, and we get to use it in the ceremony! Between this harp and this outfit, I think I'll make a great goddess today! I got you up early this morning because I wanted you to be the first to see me like this, Link!"

"… Early?" Link asked, raising an eyebrow. "Didn't your letter say that I was sleeping late again?"

"I made that up," she admitted. "Otherwise you'd probably just fall back asleep again."

"Ah, Zelda! There you are!" a relatively old man exclaimed, entering the area. He was the headmaster of the school. "Are you all prepared for today's ceremony?"

"Oh, hello, Father," Zelda greeted. "Yeah, I am."

"Ah, Link, you're here too. Outstanding." That _almost _sounded sarcastic… "It's great to see you up so early, given your capacity for sleep. No doubt today's ceremony had to too excited for you to sleep!"

"Actually…" Link started, but Zelda nudged him.

"If you win today's race, you'll get to participate in the post-race ritual with Zelda, so give it your best out there!"

"Uh, about that…" Zelda started, "Father, I don't know if he can do it. Recently Link hasn't been practicing much at all for the ceremony!"

"You have no faith in me," Link mumbled, frowning.

"And even when he's out riding his Loftwing, he's just lazily gliding around. Probably daydreaming! I don't know what he's thinking. He's going to have to be in perfect control of his bird to win today!"

"You could've phrased that differently…" Clearly, Link was pretty hurt by Zelda's choice of words in that last sentence.

"No need to worry yourself, Zelda," the headmaster spoke. "Though you may have a point. Today's Wing Ceremony tests the skills of the rider as well as his bond to his bird. Victory will not come easily. And, as you pointed out, I haven't seen him… practicing very hard."

Link went to go sulk in a corner.

"Hey, Link!" Zelda called, dragging him back by the collar of his shirt. "I might be calling you terrible at this, but I want you to win, because if you don't, Groose probably will! And you know how much I hate him!"

"Zelda…" the headmaster started again, "You have known Link since you were both very little. You should know better than to fret about him! You see, Link and his Loftwing share a special connection. I've never seen anything quite like it."

"Partners in laziness!" Link stated, still sitting on the ground from being dragged back.

"As you know, Zelda, each of us in Skyloft is but one half of a pair. We are only made whole by our Loftwings, the guardian birds that the goddess bestows upon each of us as a symbol of her divine protection."

"How many long words are you going to use before I can go back to bed?" Zelda smacked him.

"When we are young, every one of us meets our Loftwing under this great statue. It's quite a big moment, as I'm sure you recall."

"Seriously, why are you repeating everything we already know?" Link asked, getting pretty bored.

"Ahh, but that first meeting between Link and his Loftwing was extraordinary. The bird that came to him was a Crimson Loftwing. It is a breed so rare we were sure for some time that it had vanished from the line."

"Yeah, so I got a supposedly extinct bird that looks exactly like the rest of them except red. _I know that already_. I need to participate in the race, I need to win so Groose doesn't, me and Zelda do some kind of ritual, and bam, I get a lot of glory. I get it already!"

"All right then! He gets the idea!" Zelda said, clapping her hands. "Listen, Link, you better fly your heart out today. You need to get some practice before the race! Come on! You'll thank me later!"

A little while later, Zelda had dragged him over to a dock over the endless sky. "Here we are!" she stated, pushing him up to the edge. "Go on now, jump off the edge and call your Loftwing! It's almost time for the race, so you need to practice now!"

"But… my bird isn't out there! _I can't sense him out there_!" Link insisted, struggling to stay on his feet.

"Can't _sense _him?" Zelda crossed her arms. "Yeah right! You're just trying to get out of having to practice! Nice try, but you're not fooling me. Off you go!"

"No! Our bond is so strong we can sense each other's presence- AHH!" Too late. Zelda had pushed him off.

"NOW CALL YOUR LOFTWING USING D-PAD DOWN!"

Link started whistling loudly to get his Loftwing to come. Normally, a Loftwing would come immediately, but he still hadn't come after a few seconds.

"He sure is taking a while to get here…" Zelda spoke, watching Link fall. "Oh, crud! Something's wrong! Hang in there, Link!" She called her own bird and leaped off to go save him, the bird picking him up in its talons and flying back to land, but the bird ended up hurting itself in the process. "Are you two okay?" She went over to her injured bird. "I'm sorry, Clarence. I didn't mean to push you so hard. You didn't sprain your wing, did you?"

"Hey, what about me…?" Link asked, sitting up.

"What could've possibly happened to your Loftwing? For a bird to ignore the call of his master… that's just crazy! This is kind of a problem, since the ceremony going to start soon… Link, sorry I didn't believe you when you said you're Loftwing wasn't there. I need to tend to Clarence, so I'll catch up with you later. You better go find your bird!"

Link suddenly made a face of realization, which turned into suspicion. "And I think I know exactly where I should go first…"

* * *

In the town square, where the ceremony was to be held, there were three guys. One of them was ridiculously buff and had red hair with a point on his head, another was very short with blue hair, and the last one was tall and skinny.

Link had decided to go blame the buff guy-Groose-for the disappearance of his bird. When he arrived there, though, Groose was having a 'conversation' with a girl, who had long, dark green hair. He recognized her as being in the same class as him, but wasn't particularly close with her.

"DON'T SCREW AROUND!" the girl screamed, taking a step towards Groose. "I _know _it was you, why else would I FREAKING SEE IT?!"

Groose sweat-dropped. "H-hey, I don't really wanna fight right now…" he started, but was cut off by her.

"HA! _Sure _you don't! If you didn't, then you wouldn't have locked up my FRICKING BIRD!" She threw a roundhouse kick right to his side, knocking him off balance.

The most hilarious thing about this was that she wasn't even up to his shoulder in height.

"And that's not _all_," the girl said, walking towards him, making him back away while holding his side in pain. "You locked up _Link's _bird too, because I know I saw a Crimson Loftwing over there!"

"AH HA!" Link exclaimed, suddenly bringing everyone's attention towards him. "I knew it was you!"

"C-come on, man!" Groose stammered, his hands in front of him. "There's no way I would do that! You gotta have some faith in me, this girl is just spouting nonsense!"

"Shut up, spikehead! I have solid evidence!" the girl shouted, pointing to her head. "MY MEMORY!"

"That doesn't count as evidence!" This made the green-haired girl growl at him. "But seriously man, I would never do something like that!"

"Yeah, and my hair turns purple when I think about the one that I love," Link said sarcastically.

"Quickly, minions! Their guard is down!" Groose stated. "MAKE A RUN FOR IT!" He and the other two guys ran towards a sky dock and jumped onto their birds.

"COWARD!" the girl shouted, waving her fist in the air as they flew away. "COME BACK HERE AND FIGHT ME LIKE A MAN!"

Link put his hand on her shoulder. "Don't get me wrong, I want to set his hair on fire too, but that's enough…" he spoke. "… Sali."

"Tch," she spat, picking up a rock. "That guy ticks me off so much. How come he hasn't been expelled yet?" She threw the rock at the escaping birds, barely missing. Actually, she didn't _miss_, Groose just avoided it. "_Now _what am I supposed to do? My bird is gone!"

Suddenly, Zelda appeared right next to them, scaring them. "Hey, any luck finding your bird, Link?" she asked. "I overheard that conversation. So Groose probably had something to do with the disappearance, right?"

"_Something_? More like everything," Sali said. "I saw it myself. He was dragging _my _Alpha Seven into the cave by the waterfall, all tied up! And then his stupid minions were bringing Link's Loftwing in there, too! I was going to go in there, but I don't have a weapon!"

"Wow. That gave quite a bit of information," Link stated. "And the chances of this chick lying about something like this isn't very likely." He got a smack on the back of the head from Sali.

"Don't call me _'chick'_," she said threateningly. "We're going to the sparring hall. And you're coming with me, because there's no way in Din's lair I'm saving both our birds by myself."

"… Din's lair…?" Link and Zelda asked confusingly.

Sali shook her head. "Just… never mind."

* * *

Later at the sparring hall…

Link and Sali peeked up through a window, looking into the building. "Okay…" Sali spoke, "they keep the weapons in the back. We're going to sneak in there and make off with the swords without the instructor noticing us."

"Why?" Link asked. "Can't we just ask for them?"

"Unacceptable! Penalty!" She smacked him in the head again. "If we just ask for swords and explain everything, he'll want to test us, and not only will take away precious time, but I don't want my self-invented sword skills to be judged! Now, for my plan!"

A guy in a yellow tunic walked up behind them. "Uh, what are you guys doing?" he asked.

"Quiet, Pipit! You're interrupting! Penalty!" She smacked him in the head. "One does not interrupt while I am talking to somebody of important matters!"

Pipit decided that it would be best if he just left rather than saying anything.

"Anyway…" Sali looked back at Link. "My plan is that you will climb in through this window and walk to the back room, making the instructor _think _you're stealing a sword, and then you distract him while I steal them instead!"

But, Link had already left and was inside the building, talking to the instructor about their predicament.

"Dang it Link…" Sali grumbled. "Screwing up my plans…"

"I get the situation, Link," the instructor said. "So you and Sali need swords so you can go look for your Loftwings inside the waterfall cave since Groose hid them in there?"

Link nodded. "Yeah. Sali said so herself, and you know that she wouldn't lie if her bird was kidnapped," he spoke.

"Where is Sali, anyway?"

"I'm here…" she muttered, coming through the front door. "Link completely ruined what could've _at least _been a dramatic entrance."

"But, I need to make sure you're good enough before you take them out of the sparring hall. I understand you have little time, but it's completely necessary, since only knights are supposed to carry swords around, and I don't want you swinging that thing around like a maniac. I don't want to get in a ton of trouble."

"So what are you going to make us do?" Sali asked, crossing her arms. "Cut all these logs to bits? Cuz that's kind of easy."

"Oh, but that's very important," the instructor told her. "This Zelda game has Wii Motion Plus, meaning that your sword strikes will follow your Wii Remote, unlike Twilight Princess. You need to get used to it."

Link and Sali stared, having no idea what he just said.

"I'm going to pretend he didn't say that," Sali stated. She walked around to the back and grabbed two swords, tossing one to Link when she came back. "Log hacking time!"

**_Link and Sali got swords!_**

Link and Sali took one side of logs each. They all had a 'weak point' on different areas and angles, so the slash needed to be going in a specific direction in order for the log to break. While Link was cutting through the second one, he looked over his shoulder to see Sali _already finished_, standing in an epic position with her sword as if she just slashed straight through the last log.

"Done," she said, sheathing her sword that was now strapped on her back. "Eh? Link? You're not done yet? Hurry up and finish!"

Link turned around and finished the job, having no idea how Sali managed to finish that quickly. Was she really fast, or was he just going slower than he thought he was…?

"Good gravy, that was fast!" the instructor exclaimed. "That's the fastest I've ever seen anyone go down a row!"

… She was really fast.

"Well, now that you both have finished, I trust you with the swords," the instructor told them. "But only use it when it's _completely_ necessary!"

"Kay thanks bye!" Sali said, racing out the door with her newly-obtained weapon. Link sighed and walked after her.

* * *

"Do not enter cave…" Sali read the sign at the entrance to the waterfall cave. "Ha. Screw you." She cut the sign down with her weapon.

"Sali, that's kind of wasting wood," Link told her.

"Don't worry, it'll just respawn." She put her sword away again. "That's the best thing about signs. Now, march! We don't have much time left!"

So the brave duo stepped into the cave, only to find that their enemies were jelly blobs and bats. The strangest thing was that when the critters were defeated, they turned black and left a puff of smoke shaped like a skull before disappearing.

It was only a few minutes before they reached the other side of the cave, seeing their Loftwings trapped inside two holes in the wall, behind fences. It looked like they had broken free of the ropes, but couldn't get out.

"Don't worry, Alpha Seven!" Sali told her bird, which was the purple Loftwing of the two. "I'll get you out of there!" She ran over to the fence and cut the ropes holding the fences up. Link did the same for his, and the birds were free! Speaking of birds, Zelda flew in on hers.

"You found your Loftwings!" she exclaimed, landing. "I had just realized I hadn't looked back here yet, but looks like you were here already. We should hurry to the ceremony…" She looked out to the sky. "Hey… Before you guys go, I have to ask you something. I… heard this voice a few moments ago. Did either of you hear it, too?"

Link and Sali shook their heads simultaneously.

"It's strange. I've been getting the strangest feeling lately…" Zelda spoke. "It's like something is… calling out to me." Link looked at her curiously. "Have you ever wondered what's beneath the clouds? Some say there's nothing there, or a barren place, but I have a feeling they're wrong. I was looking around Father's old books and they talk about a place called the surface, under the clouds of Skyloft. Nobody's ever been there, though, and our Loftwings won't fly down there…"

"A place bigger than Skyloft?" Sali asked, raising an eyebrow. "Skyloft isn't very big. That would be a nice place to look around."

"I can't help imagining the wild things that might be waiting below. Someday, I want to see it for myself." Zelda paused. "Oh, sorry, guys. We don't have time to talk! We should go. See? Your birds are waiting for you!"

Since their birds were right there, the two of them climbed on right then and took off. Sali looked a little spaced out from what Zelda was talking about, but came back to reality when her bird noticed and squawked at her. If only cars did that…

* * *

"Your attention, please!" an instructor called at the town square. The majority of the junior students at the Knight Academy were there. "At last we are ready to begin the Wing Ceremony. I was beginning to worry that we'd have to proceed without Link and Sali, but that luckily is no longer a concern."

Groose looked ridiculously shocked. Sali noticed this. "Case closed," she whispered to Link, making Groose stand straight again and pretend nothing had happened.

The instructor explained the rules of the game. What they were to do was to fly on their Loftwings and try to catch the Loftwing that was flying around with a statuette in its talons. They needed to take the statue, and the first one to get it would win. On top of that, the winner would be allowed to graduate to the next class of the academy instantly, and receive a gift from Zelda. This made some of the men's motivation skyrocket.

"I don't plan on losing, you know," Sali told Link, grinning. "I couldn't care less about that ritual, I'm winning to become a senior, because I totally deserve it. Besides, I won't be the same year as Groose anymore, meaning I won't have to go to the same class as him!"

"Same here," Link answered, smiling back. "It's on."

And so the race began. All of the students leapt off the sky dock and called their birds, starting the competition. The Loftwing carrying the statuette got a head start, requiring that all of the students have complete control of their bird, otherwise they wouldn't even have a chance of catching it.

Link was _just _about to catch it after some time, but then Groose flew right into him on purpose, letting the bird get away. "Hey, what was that supposed to be, you cheapo?!" Link shouted at him. Groose responded with maniacal laughter as he flew off.

By this point, Groose's minions apparently brought out their strategy to have Groose win, which was to throw _EGGS _at all opposition. Not really eggs, more like _grenades _in the shape of eggs, because whenever anybody got hit by one, the egg seemed to explode.

Sali was swooping down to reach for the statuette, when suddenly another girl with blue hair on a black Loftwing came spiraling in at an incredible speed and reached for it instead, but then ended up missing. It _did _mess Sali up, though. Both of them ended up missing it. "Dang it!" the other girl exclaimed. "Epic failure!" Link and Sali both recognized her, though, since she was also in their class.

So, Link and Sali were having this dramatic moment a few minutes later, where they were both just inches away from the statuette, reaching for it in a dangerous position on their birds, when suddenly they both grabbed it at the same time and the Loftwing let go… but then it slipped out of both their hands because neither of them had a good grip on it.

Sali stared as she reached for it as it fell. "CRAP!" she swore, but then lost balance and fell right off her Loftwing. "ALPHA!" She called her bird as she fell, who caught her _just before _she was about to fall right through the clouds.

"What about the statuette?" Link asked, looking around intently for it. He looked and saw the same girl who was on the black Loftwing holding it, even _closer _to the clouds, as if she had just caught it.

"Safe!" she stated, holding it up as she and Sali flew back up to a safe altitude.

Groose looked completely defeated. The statuette had been in the hands of three different people in this one minute and none of them had been him. While everybody was flying back to Skyloft, he seemed to be utterly depressed.

"Well, that was an interesting situation," the instructor stated. Girl 2 had been the one to fly back with the statuette, but he had been flying out there too, and knew exactly what had happened. "I'm not sure what to do about this."

"If anything…" Sali started, "make Link do the ritual thing with Zelda, since he's a guy and I'm sure as Din's lair he wants do to it, whether he knows it or not."

"Seriously, what's with the Din's lair thing?" Link asked her.

"Link and Sali here grabbed the statuette at the same time," Girl 2 said, "And I grabbed it just before it fell through the clouds. I dunno how we're gonna settle this."

"Hmm…" the instructor pondered, "I suppose the three of you are great, honest students. Unlike _somebody _who attends the third-year class…" He eyed Groose for a moment. "Perhaps we could have all three of you become seniors…" Link's, Sali's and the other girl's eyes lit up in excitement. On the contrast, Groose was completely horrified. "I will go talk to the headmaster about it."

"Now go do your ritual thingamajig already," Girl 2 told Link, spinning him around and giving him a push in the direction of the giant goddess statue.

* * *

Link entered the grounds of the statue, holding the bird statuette Girl 2 had given him earlier. He noticed that Zelda was actually standing way up on a platform on the statue rather than on the ground, so he needed to call over his Loftwing to take him up there.

"Hehe," Zelda giggled at he landed in front of her. "Congratulations on winning, Link."

"Actually…" Link started, "I didn't really _win_. It was a pretty complicated situation involving Sali and that other blue-haired girl I can't remember the name of. Neither of them wanted to do the ritual, so they just sent me over here."

Zelda nodded. "Makes sense. Now, we better get on with the ceremony!"

Little did they know, Sali and Girl 2 were actually peeking into the area to see what the ritual actually was. Only the winners of the ceremony knew what happened there, and they spoke not a word of it.

"Hand me the statuette from the race, Link. I must offer it to the goddess," Zelda spoke. Link handed her the bird statuette, which she placed into a certain part of the goddess statue. "Great goddess, guiding light and protector of our people, grant us your blessing and mercy as I act in your stead during this ceremony…"

_"Valiant youth who grasped victory at the celebration of the bird folk… In accordance with the old ways… I now bestow the blessings of the goddess upon you. The blessing of the goddess drift down from the heavens aloft a sail, which I now pass on to you."_

**_Link got the Sailcloth!_**

"You know…" Zelda started, "They say that the goddess gave the Sailcloth to her chosen hero long ago. Of course, the one you're holding isn't the same one. I've been working hard to finish making this Sailcloth in time to give it to today's champion. I'm really glad I got to give it to you and not Groose, Link. Make sure you take care of it, okay?" Suddenly she took a step up towards Link, which was a little _too _close… "Now, we should really finish up this ritual…"

"Oh my Din," Sali muttered, staring at the scene before them. The other girl was covering her mouth to keep herself from making any noise.

"You… _do_ know what happens at the end, right?" Zelda asked Link.

"Uh… not really," he replied awkwardly.

"Really? Huh. I guess that kind of makes sense, though, considering nobody ever says anything about it…" She put her hands on his shoulders… _and spun him around_. Link and the hidden girls were CONFUSED. "You have to jump off the statue!"

"I _what_?!" Link shouted, struggling to keep his balance.

"Don't worry, you have the Sailcloth now, you can use it as a parachute. To finish the ceremony, you have to jump and land in that big circle down there! Ready to go? GO!" She pushed him right off, making Link's landing end up being sloppy, but he still landed in the circle and using the Sailcloth to land.

"Stop pushing me off ledges without warning!" Link yelled at her. Over by the entrance, Sali and Girl 2 were cracking up.

"Ritual complete!" Zelda stated. "Now, let's go flying on our Loftwings. It's such a nice day today!" She called her Loftwing to take her back down to the ground.

"That…" Sali started, "was the most hilarious ritual I have ever seen. Actually, it's the only ritual I've ever seen, but still. You were right about coming here… totally worth it! I _still _don't really remember your name, though, so…"

"Nameya," Girl 2 told her. "But that takes way too long to say, so you can just call me Nami. Got it?" Sali nodded. "Oh, crud, they're coming this way. Hide!" She and Sali dove behind a rock as Link and Zelda passed.

And that brings the end of this first, very long chapter. Everything seems to be going completely fine for everybody (except Groose), but of course…

nothing ever goes right in a Zelda game…


	2. What a Wonderful World There is Below

The Bizarre Saga: Skyward Sword  
Chapter 2: What a Wonderful World There is Below

_Previously on the Bizarre Saga, the team of heroes found a book of an old 'legend' and started reading it. Actually, just as a note, they shall be reading it at different times that aren't relevant to the story, so now this story shall be following that book._

_So, PREVIOUSLY on the Bizarre Saga, Link was pushed off two high places, Sali had mad sword skillz, Groose was being obnoxious as usual, Zelda pushed Link off two high places, and we ALMOST got through the intro of the game._

_Now for Chapter Two._

Link and Zelda had gone out to go flying on their Loftwings, as said in the last chapter. Everything was going pretty smoothly, until…

"Hey, Link…" Zelda started. "There's something I've been meaning to talk to you about…" She turned her head forward and spotted… a giant, black tornado coming at them. "Holy-! Clarence, turn around!" She tried to turn her bird around, but the wind was too strong.

"No! ZELDA!" Link called at she struggled to stay on her Loftwing as she tried to fly away from the tornado. It wasn't working, however. Link was too far away from her to reach for her hand as she and her Loftwing were sucked into the fierce winds. "NO!"

"LINK!" Zelda screamed as the powerful winds pulled her below the clouds.

She was gone.

* * *

The next time Link knew, he was back in his room at the Knight Academy. Standing around him were Sali, Nameya and the headmaster, Zelda's father.

"… I see you're awake, Link," the headmaster spoke. "When your Loftwing carried you back, you were limp and unconscious. I feared the worst. Fortunately, you don't appear to have any serious injuries. For that we can be grateful."

"But what happened to Zelda?" Sali asked. "Wasn't she with you?"

"Link… what happened to my daughter?" the headmaster questioned. Link looked at the ground and sighed. He explained everything that had happened. "A black tornado… That was no ordinary storm."

"I… I need to go save her!" Link said, trying to stand up, but he fell back down onto his bed again.

"Don't push yourself!" Nami told him. "You're still recovering!"

"Tell me, Link…" the headmaster started, "When you saw Zelda today, did anything about her seem… off?"

"She _was _talking about the surface earlier today," Link replied. "And I've been having really strange dreams lately about a blue spirit telling me about a 'great mission'."

"Interesting…" The headmaster sighed. "I'm sorry. I was lost there for a moment. It's all very strange, but I doubt there's any type of connection between these things. I'm concerned for Zelda, but she does have her Loftwing with her, so I'm sure she'll be fine."

"It's pretty late now," Sali spoke. "You were unconscious for a while. I don't think it would be easy to find Zelda this late at night. You should get some more rest."

"Zelda's gonna be fine," Nami reassured him. "She's strong, and she won't go down easily! I'm sure of it!"

Link was still worried about her, though. The other three left the room, and he tried to get back to sleep, even though he wasn't feeling tired in the slightest.

Hours passed.

_Link…_

Link immediately shot awake, having heard an unfamiliar voice call out his name. There wasn't anybody in his room, so he opened up his door and looked outside.

Floating to his right was the very same spirit that he had been seeing in his dreams.

"Come…" the spirit spoke, floating up the stairs of the academy. Link, knowing exactly what that spirit had been doing in all of these dreams he'd been having all these nights, and figured it was something pretty important if he was actually seeing it now. Actually, he wasn't very sure whether he was dreaming or not, but he followed the spirit anyway.

She led him all the way outside and near the goddess statue. However, the gate had been closed, and he couldn't get in there, so the spirit lead him all the way around to a secret entrance in the back. When he entered the area, he spotted both Sali and her new blue-haired friend sitting nearby.

"Oh, Link…" Sali spoke, probably a little tired. "That spirit lead the two of us over here and told us to wait…"

"I thought I was the only one seeing her in my dreams," Nami said. "I guess not. When you said you were seeing her too, I was pretty surprised."

The two of them stood up as the spirit flew over to the goddess statue. Much to their surprise, a door opened up at the base, revealing a hidden cavern that she flew into. The three of them followed her into the statue.

Inside, there was a fairly large room with a sword inside a pedestal in the middle. On the far side, there was a shrine-like spot with a floating bird-shaped object in front of an indentation in the wall.

"The ones chosen by my creator…" the spirit spoke, "I have been waiting. The three of you shall play a role in a great destiny_._ According to your social customs, I should provide you with my person designation. Fi is the name I was given."

"Aw, that's pretty cute," Nami stated. "Nice to metcha, Fi." She yawned. "I'm kinda tired. Does anybody have something with sugar in it?'

"I was created for a single purpose, long before the recorded memory of your people," Fi said. "I must aid you in fulfilling the great destiny that is your burden to carry. The three of you shall carry out this destiny together."

Link blinked. He was starting to reconsider his desicion that this was another dream.

"Come, Link." Fi floated over to the sword in the center of the room. "You must take up this sword. As the hero chosen by my creator, it is your destiny. The strange dreams troubling your sleep and my sudden appearance. Uncertainty surrounding the fate of one you hold dear. Under the circumstances, it is only logical that you would exhibit some apprehension. To minimize your uncertainty, allow me to share some information. My projections indicate that this information has a high probability of altering your current emotional state."

"Too many long words…" Nami muttered, rubbing her head.

"The one you seek, honorable Zelda, is still alive."

And suddenly, Link was no longer half asleep.

"And this spirit maiden… the one you call Zelda… is another chosen one fated to be part of the same great mission. Therefore, should you wish to meet your friend, I highly recommend you take up this sword before you set out of search for her. Does this information invigorate you? Are you ready to accept this sword?" Link nodded enthusiastically. "It seems that further persuasive measures will not be required. In the name of my creator, draw the sword and raise it skyward."

Sali and Nameya watched as Link walked up to the pedestal where the sword was being held. He pulled it out of the pedestal and held it up to the light shining over it.

**_Link got the Goddess Sword!_**

"Recognition complete…" Fi started, "Master."

"Wait… what?" Link asked, staring at her. Sali and Nami had the exact same expession.

"Master, you are the hero chosen by my creator," Fi said again. She turned to face Sali and Nameya, still standing near the door. "You may be wondering what your part in this destiny is."

"Um…" Sali started, "no duh."

"Master, I ask you how I may refer to your companions," Fi spoke, asking something, but not really saying it in question form.

"Ah, um, I don't know, their first names," Link answered, still kind of confused by all this. "Add 'miss' or something. It seems right." Sali rose an eyebrow.

"Yes, Master." This was getting pretty awkward for Link now. "Miss Sali."

"Uh, yeah?" she answered awkwardly.

"Your destiny is to fight alongside my master as a warrior," Fi told her. "Miss Nameya, you shall be the Guardian, the healer, and a magic bearer."

"WHOA!" Nami exclaimed, totally shocked. "_MAGIC_?! AWESOME!"

"Too much noise…" Sali mumbled, covering her ears.

"Master," Fi spoke, gaining their attention again. "You, Miss Sali and Miss Nameya must embark on a great journey beneath the clouds to the vast realm of the surface."

"Oh my Din…" Link exclaimed, "That conversation with Zelda earlier was _foreshadowing_."

"This will not be an easy task, however. The world below is a forsaken place, and to reach it you must piece the cloud barrier below. In living memory, no one has ever done this. This tablet will illuminate a path through the clouds to the land below. Take it, and place it within the altar behind me," Fi said.

**_Link got the Emerald Tablet!  
_**

Fi explained that Link had to hit the floating crest with the 'Skyward Strike', which was a beam he shot by holding his sword in the air. It would power the crest, and it would activate the tablet shard that Link placed within the indentation, causing the cloud barrier to be opened up. Link did all of this, and outside, a green beam of light shot out of the clouds, leaving a hole in the cloud barrier.

"Master Link, it is done," Fi spoke. "The tablet you placed in the altar has opened a small rift in the barrier. You can use it to travel through the clouds to the realm below."

"Ooh… cool," Nami said.

"I have recognized you as my master, and so it is my duty to follow you wherever you may go. I reside within your sword and will accompany you in your travels. Should you require my assistance, I shall be there."

"We should go back to the Knight Academy now," Sali spoke. "We need to tell the headmaster about what's going on, since it would be kind of bad if we suddenly disappeared, too. Besides, we can't fly at night, and we're not even supposed to be out this late."

"Good point," Link said. "Let's go."

* * *

"I see…" the headmaster spoke, having obtained all the information. "You, these two ladies and Zelda all have a great role to play in the destiny of this land… But, if what this Fi says is true, Zelda is alive! Alive and no doubt coming to terms with whatever it is the goddess has in store for her. I don't know what dangers you might have to face, though… But if you decided on it, please find my daughter and bring her back to me."

"You can count on us!" Nami told him. "Come on, guys, we're a _team _now! Let's kick some butt!" Link nodded, smiling, but Sali just yawned, looking half-asleep.

"I'm so tired…" she complained. "Can I get a few hours of sleep _before _we go…?"

"Dawn is drawing near. It has been a long night, hasn't it?" the headmaster asked, making Sali feel even _more _tired because she realized how long she had been _not sleeping_. "You three have a great journey before you, and those clothes… don't really look up to the task."

"Well sorry for being in my pajamas," Sali muttered. "I was gonna change anyway…"

"We had decided to make all three of you seniors from the race. The uniforms you were to receieve should be ready by now. A sturdy uniform like that will prove much for suitable for a long journey. You should go change into them."

So, they each handed an outfit, and they all went back to their respective rooms to change into them.

After putting it on, Sali was inspecting it through her large mirror in her room. "Wow, they really do make them unique for every person…" Her new uniform consisted of long-sleeved black shirt, a dark green tunic with a complex black symbol on the side and cuts on the bottom to make it easier to move, black shorts, and some dark green boots with three buckles on each. The outfit didn't come with a hat, but she didn't question why; she didn't really like the hats anyway.

Nami's tunic was especially out-of-the-ordinary. The sleeveless blue tunic had thick stitches that went a little way down from the top and up the sides of the bottom, and had white detached sleeves. White fabric sewed to top of the tunic hung down over her chest on an angle, and like Sali's, the side of the uniform had a symbol, except Nami's was white and resembled a heart. Her tunic also had grey shorts under it that went just above her knees, as well as basic blue boots. As she tied up her hair into a side ponytail, she, of course, was thinking about how awesome she looked.

Link's green tunic could have been considered classic, but he still looked pretty darn good in it.

They all returned to the headmaster (for some reason) after they were all done changing. "Wow, Link, you look pretty good in that," Sali stated, grinning. "It's like you're meant to wear it." Nami nodded.

"Take care on your journey, you three," the headmaster told them. "You should stop by the bazaar in town and see if you can find anything you might need. I wish you the best of luck on your quest. May the goddess watch over and guide you all."

So, they confidently marched out of the room to start their journey, but a guy around Link's age stood in front of them. "I overhead every word in that room and I remember exactly what you all said," he stated.

"Yup, good to know, bye," Sali told him, shooing him. "Sorry, we're KINDA busy."

"I actually was going to give you some items that'll be very helpful on your quest," the guy spoke. He held out a few little bags. "These might not look like anything, but you can carry a certain amount of items in them, no matter what their sizes."

**_Link, Sali and Nami got Adventure Pouches!_**

"They say that they're trying to invent one that can carry infinite items, but I honestly don't think that can happen. Now, you can go out on your adventure."

And so, that aside, their journey began… with a little visit at the bazaar.

"Ugh, is there _really _anything that we're going to need here?" Sali asked, slightly annoyed. "Seriously!"

"A shield, maybe," Link told her. "That would be a good idea."

"That would be a hindrance to me. I wouldn't be able to move as fast, and it would get in the way. If anything, I want another sword in my other hand."

Meanwhile, behind them, Nami was trying to figure out if she could use magic yet. She was doing all kinds of weird things with her hands, expecting something was going to happen when she didn't even know what exactly to do.

"Nami, I think magic is more complicated than that," Sali told her, noticing. "You probably need to learn some, first."

"My current goal is to be able to spawn an awesome weapon out of thin air," Nameya randomly stated, holding her hand out. "I'll figure it out at some point, even though I know absolutely nothing about magic right now! And I'm going to be hardcore about this, too. I'm not buying ANY supplies before we leave."

"Therefore," Sali said, turning back to Link, "you shall go into the bazaar and buy yourself a shield while we wait out here. You should be glad that we're not shopping-obsessed girly-girls or something."

So Link walked into the bazaar that had stores scattered all over the place, but there wasn't much for him to do at the other shops, so he went straight over to the shop that was selling shields and bought a simple wooden one since that was the only one they had for some reason.

When he came back outside, Nami was sitting on a nearby bench kicking her legs, and Sali was walking back and forth impatiently. The next thing Link saw was the green-haired girl picking up a rock and hurling it out into the sky, _nailing_ the familiar redheaded jerkface flying out on his bird in the head.

"Seriously, girl, that aim of yours is so exact it's ridiculous," Nami told her. She turned to face Link when he stepped outside. "Oh, hey, he's back!"

"Huh, that shield…" Sali started, but Link ended up finishing her sentence.

"Is kind of crappy, isn't it?" he finished. "Yeah, it's all they had. They'll probably get something better as time passes."

"Well, he _does _look pretty heroic now," Nami stated. "The combo of the sword and shield and the boss-looking knight outfit makes him look like a real hero." She stood up from the bench. "HOWEVER! We must depart immediately towards the unexplored land below! Who knows what terrors might await us!"

"How do you even know there are going to be that many terrors in the first place?" Sali asked her.

"Cuz _otherwise_, someone would've gone down there a long time ago! Now, we shall go to the surface no matter what stands in our path!"

"Hmm…" Link thought for a moment. "That line kind of sounds like something is going to pop up on our way there trying to stop us from going there…"

* * *

Surprisingly, nothing actually showed up on the way there. They all flew out to the green light shooting from the clouds on their birds and saw a giant hole in the clouds below, revealing some land below that they could barely see from that high.

"No! It's perfectly safe!" Nami told her bird. "I understand that you want to stay above the clouds, but seriously! C'mon, Ebony!" Ebony, her bird, shook his head in a cartoony way. Nami did not look amused.

"How the heck are we supposed to get down there if our birds won't go below the clouds?" Sali wondered.

"Well, I have this sailcloth, but I'm pretty sure that's only going to work for me," Link pointed out. "Heck, I don't even know if it's going to work at all at a distance this high, considering how far down that looks…"

"I must learn some magic within the next two minutes in order to solve this predicament!" Nameya announced, clapping her hands together with two fingers up. Sali face palmed.

"Look, we shouldn't be having _this _much trouble with something as stupid as this…" she spoke, sighing. "If the goddess says this is our destiny, something like this should be a piece of cake to get by. I mean, we're not even out of the sky yet!"

Realizing her attempt wasn't really working, Nami suddenly had another idea. "I know what we should do! We can climb up on each others shoulders, and the person on the top can hold that sailcloth Link has-"

"CONVERSATION INTERFERENCE!" a familiar annoying voice shouted as a bird zoomed in between all of them, a powerful gust of wind knocking them _all _off their birds. All three of them knew it was Groose, but of course, they didn't have time to think about that, because they were all _falling _below the distance that their birds would fly.

"DANG IT GROOSE!" Sali screamed as her bird started panicking about whether he should come to her rescue or not. "I HOPE YOU GO TO DIN'S LAIR!"

"Quickly, team!" Nami said, flipping over and holding her hands out. "Triangle formation!" By this point, they were passing through the thick clouds and could no longer see clearly above them.

An even more concerned look rose on both Link and Sali's faces. "What will that solve?!" the boy yelled.

"I dunno, it just sounds like a good idea!" Link and Sali would've anime fallen had they not been falling through the sky.

The blue-haired girl didn't actually wait for them to do anything and just took hold of their hands, expecting them to do to the same. Instead, though, Link took out the sailcloth Zelda had given him and pulled both the girls towards him as the large trees of the surface were coming close. They understood, but the fall was barely broken, and the three of them crashed into the hard ground.

"Ugh, that could've gone better…" Sali muttered, rubbing her head in pain as she sat up. "Note to self… next time, find a better way to get to the surface and think about it _before _we go flying out…" The other two heroes were lying on the ground near her, neither of them having gotten up yet… until Nami started rolling around in the grass.

"It's so tall…" she spoke. The dark grass went past her head while she was lying down. She sat up and saw a little insect crawling along her arm. "Ooh, it's a unidentified surface bug!"

"Nami, that's a tick," Sali told her. The blue-haired girl yelped and flicked it off.

"Cursed blood-sucking insect!" she shouted, standing up and stomping on the place where she had flicked the bug off. "You dare follow us to the surface?! You must _die_!"

Sali sweat-dropped. "Um, I'm pretty sure they're just here, too…"

"Why can't I roll around in the grass in peace?!" Nami shouted at the sky.

"What are you, a Remlet?!"

Nameya made a circular motion with her hand like a cat. "Meow!" Sali rolled her eyes.

Link, being up by this point, hemmed. "_EXCUSE ME_," he said, getting their attention. "Have you even taken into account where we could actually be?! Look around!"

Starting to notice something _besides _the tall grass, the other two girls examined the new area. However, it didn't actually look _abandoned_. In fact, it looked like it was almost a man-made structure. Over in a distance was a stone temple that looked pretty ruined with a huge stone door covering what seemed to be the entrance. A fairly large path spiraled down into the center of the area, where they saw a strange spike with seemingly physical darkness coming out of it.

Fi emerged from Link's sword for the first time. "Master, according to my resources, this area is known as the Sealed Ground. That ominous object in the center of the spiral must be hit with a Skyward Strike. The reason I am explaining this to you is because the writer cannot seem to remember the method used for you to actually gain this information."

"Tch. What is this, a story?" Sali asked, crossing her arms.

"Actually…"

"Never mind, forget I asked…"

Since the cliffs of the spiraled path were way to steep to slide down, their only option was to walk _all _the way down to the center. Nameya was complaining about how that would take forever to get back up.

"Okay, we're here," Link said as they reached the bottom. Sali sat down, while Nami just crashed right into the ground.

"Finally…" she mumbled, her head in the grass.

Link held his weapon towards the sky. Power charged into it and he shot a laser at the spike. The girls watched the spike forcefully slammed into the ground, causing the ground to glow a bit.

"Master," Fi started, coming out of the sword, "Doing this has caused the large stone doors of the temple to open for unexplained reasons. I have also obtained an internal text message telling me that Miss Nameya now has the ability to dowse for objects and people."

"Wait, what?" all three team members said at the same time.

"Oh my Din!" Nami exclaimed, standing up, holding her head. "I _can _do that now for some reason! Maybe I can find Zelda…" She closed her eyes for a few seconds. When she opened them again, they were shinier and had turned from her regular grey to _completely_ violet with no pupils. "My magical locating abilities tell me that we must go all the way back up the hill and into the temple… great."

"Master, I am not aware whether you have noticed this or not, but…" Fi started, appearing again. "When you struck the spike, gusts of wind began to shoot from the ground all across the spiral."

Nami yawned, her eyes turning back to normal afterwards. "I'm still tired ya know…"

"Miss Nameya, I ask that you suck it up and do what you're supposed to," the sword spirit said.

There was a long pause.

"Um…" Nami started, not really knowing how to respond, "okay…?"

"Now, as said, proceed into the temple," Fi told them, warping back into Link's sword. The team didn't really have anything to say after what just happened, so they just used the air gusts to take them back up the hill, which was done in about five minutes.

Located inside the stone temple was _not _in fact Zelda, but was actually an old lady with a giant cloak that looked way older than a regular old lady in modern times. Oh wait, I forgot people lived way longer back then.

"Oh my Din…" Nami started. "Did Zelda become an old lady?!"

EVERYBODY else anime fell. Including Fi and the old lady.

"No, that can't be right," the blue-haired girl spoke. "Either I have to practice dowsing or Zelda is right behind that old lady."

"Information gained…" Sali spoke, holding a notepad and a pencil. "Nami is the comic relief of this adventure. And I'm pretty sure you have to practice dowsing, since this was your first time doing it."

"But there's a giant stone door behind the old lady-" Nami started, but was cut off.

"EXCUSE ME!" the old lady interrupted. "I inquire that you listen to me right at this moment, for I have important information to give you!"

"As in what?" Link asked. "Zelda's location?"

The old lady paused. "… I completely forgot my lines." Everyone else anime fell again, this time including Nami. "Just let me tell you that opening up that treasure chest over there is a good idea, and that you should venture forth into the woods in that direction." A door on their right magically opened in its own.

Sali walked over to open the treasure chest and did just that. Though, she was a little reluctant, especially since it was a weird old lady whom they just met who told them to open it.

**_Sali got the Bottle!_**

"… What the heck," she started, staring at the object. "It's a _glass bottle_. How the heck would something like this be useful?"

"Oh, but you see, young lady, it is a magic glass bottle," the old lady explained. "It can never break, and the things you put inside it never go bad or expire, and the bottle will stay clean when you use it. I've heard that putting liquids in it keeps them the temperature they're supposed to be! Just a rumor, though."

Sali turned to the other two (three counting Fi, but she really doesn't count). "I think she's senile," she said bluntly.

"C'mon Sali, as if a bunch of crazy things haven't happened already," Nami told her. "Who knows, she could be telling the truth! Besides… even if it's not a magic bottle, it _can _still be used for something."

"But it takes up a slot in my adventure pouch," Sali complained.

"Your adventure pouch that _doesn't have anything in it yet_."

"All right all right, fine, let's just go." She put the bottle in her magic adventure pouch and began to walk towards the door, past Link who had a slightly concerned look on his face.

"I have a feeling that line has a bad future ahead of it," he pointed out.

Outside, they noticed a pretty large creature (probably about twice the size of Link, but not entirely in height) off in a distance surrounded by a bunch of other red creatures about the size of Link, though these creatures looked very hostile and were carrying cleaver-like swords.

"Look, I don't have anything you'd want, leave me alone!" the large, rock-like creature insisted. "I collect _tree bark _and _moss_! Yeah, you see this bag here? All stuff that you would have no use for!"

"Grah dur hurbedur!" one of the red creatures… said? "Spladurbedur meh hir grah!"

All of the red creatures edged closer to the rock man.

Sali's heroic instincts suddenly kicked in, not thinking about whether the rock man could potentially be some evil person or not. "STOP RIGHT THERE, EVIL-LOOKING RED THINGS!" she yelled out, drawing her sword. "GET LOST OR I'LL EXTERMINATE YOU ALL!"

"You could've handled that intro better," Nami stated.

"Shut up," Sali growled. She looked back at all the monsters, who were giving her looks like they were just about ready to kill her face. "Yeah, yeah, come at me! If you dare, obviously."

"Has she ever even fought in an actual battle before?" Nami whispered to Link. "I'm guessing the answer's no… I mean, she's pretty popular for the amount of times she's gotten into fights before, but this is totally hardcore… huh?"

She and Link looked over to see several bursts of smoke where the monsters used to be, and Sali sheathing her sword casually.

"It's official," Nami started, crossing her arms and nodding. "You need a theme song and a snazzy pair of sunglasses." Sali laughed a little.

"Oh, thank you, young warrior!" the rock-like creature exclaimed. "If it wasn't for you, I think those creatures would have eaten me for dinner even though that doesn't sound possible!"

"No problem," Sali answered.

"But… today has been a little strange for me," the creature continued. "I didn't expect to run into those red pests in this peaceful forest. Actually, the same goes for you; this is the second time I've bumped into some of your kind today!"

"… Second time?" Link asked.

"Probably Zelda…" Nami told him.

"I owe you big time for helping me out. The name's Gorko the Goron," the rock-like creature said. "You see that bird statue over there?" He pointed over to a nearby statue. "According to ancient texts, there is some kind of place above called the Isle of the Goddess. Far up in the sky!"

Sali raised an eyebrow and continued to listen.

"Apparently, these old statues serve as landmarks to those traveling up to the sky or down from this Isle of the Goddess place. If you find one, you should be sure to examine it to keep tabs on the number of landmarks. They're rumored to be quite useful!"

"Uh, thanks," Sali said. "I kind of need to go now."

"It's fine if you don't believe me," Gorko said. "I just thought you should know."

Later, after climbing up a high ledge using a massive log they were somehow able to use as a platform to get themselves up…

Fi appeared out of Link's sword and began speaking, "Master, this area that you have just entered is called the Faron Woods- excuse me, Master, do not ignore me." Because all of them continued on walking even though she was floating there trying to talk to them. "You know what, forget it." She went back into the sword. FI RAGE QUIT.

"Why are there random trees growing in the middle of the path?" Nami wondered.

"Doesn't matter, I'm cutting them," Sali said, chopping the said trees down with her sword. "Look, now we can pass! It's magic already!"

"… How the heck did you just chop down several miniature trees in a single slash?" Link asked her.

"Beats me."

"… Seriously?"

"Yo, Link, want me to keep looking for Zelda?" Nami questioned. The blond boy nodded. She concentrated to pinpoint Zelda's location again. "I can sense her much deeper in the woods… like, very much deeper. If we just continue in this direction…" She paused, her violet eyes changing back to grey again. "Wait, what's that over there?"

The other two looked over in a distance to see two of those annoying red pig things tormenting something lying on its stomach. On closer inspection, it was a small creature with a plant on its back, probably for camouflage. Though, the monsters quickly noticed them.

"Grahebedurbedur hrefy?!" one of the exclaimed. "Gregory! Plarki hur dederdee!"

The two beasts ran towards them to attack, but they had disappeared into a puff of smoke before they could even blink, thanks to Sali.

"Sali, I think you need to chill," Nami told her. "You know, before you accidentally hurt something that doesn't mean any harm."

"Nami, I know what I'm doing," Sali answered.

"Kiiiik? What happened?" the small creature the beasts had been attacking wondered, sitting up from the ground and hiding the plant on it's back inside some kind of bud. It resembled some kind of penguin. "It got quiet!'

"OH MY GOSH IT'S SO CUTE!" Nami exclaimed. The creature noticed their presence.

"KWEE!" it screamed. "THERE ARE MOOORE OUT TO GET ME! Don't hurt me, kwee-koo!" It quickly sped away and up a steep hill before leaving their sight.

"Master," Fi began, appearing. "Based on that creature's characteristics, I must conclude that it is a peaceful, forest-dwelling animal known as a Kikwi. Kikwis are intelligent beings capable of speech."

"Um… how do you even know what they're called?" Sali asked.

"I know many things. Now, I suggest that you follow that creature. It may be linked with Zelda in some way."

"… You mean she might have come in contact with it, right?" Link questioned.

"Yes."

It's not like they had any choice other to follow the creature, anyway. There was only one way to go other than the way they came from, so they had to go in the same direction.

What they didn't notice was the raven-haired man watching them from a distance.


	3. When in Doubt, Throw a Rock at It

The Bizarre Saga: Skyward Sword  
Chapter 3: When in Doubt, Throw a Rock at It

_Previously on the Bizarre Saga, Link acted like a generic anime hero, Sali deserved a theme song, Nami became the comic relief, Zelda got kidnapped by a tornado, and Fi was that blue thing that never stops talking._

_Now for Chapter Three._

"Ah, um… Excuse me, mister," Nami started, poking the giant Kikwi in front of her. "There's no need to hide. We're perfectly safe individuals."

"It's not like his so-called 'camouflage' is of any help anyway," Sali mumbled. After all, the despite this Kikwi's size, the plant on his back was still the same size as a regular Kikwi.

"I'm not hiding," the giant Kikwi grumbled. "I'm just depressed."

"… I see," Nami answered. "Would you like to talk about it?"

"No."

"Hey," Sali started, "Do you know where we can find some sort of leader for you guys? We need to get some information, pronto."

"Oh?" the giant Kikwi began, standing up to reveal that he was more than twice Link's height. "Well, that would in fact be me, kwee. I'm the Kikwi elder."

"Did a girl with long blond hair pass through here?" Link asked. "She's a friend of ours, and we're looking for her."

"Oh, yes, indeed," the Kikwi elder told him. "The girl creature with blond hair. She looked like one of your kind. Yes, she was with me, kwee. I'm sure she went deeper into the woods, though."

"Aren't you concerned about the fact that the forest is infested with monsters?" Sali questioned. "Seriously, they're everywhere! And all of your kind don't seem to be here, either!"

"Ah, there isn't much to be concerned about," the elder said. "My tribe consists of trained warriors. So, I'm sure all of them are fine."

"Trained warriors? Then what about that guy at the entrance? He was cowering on the ground and ran away when we saved him."

The Kikwi elder sighed. "Not him… Machi is the only one among us who cannot fight. He's too cowardly and a disgrace to our kind."

"Aw, you should give him a break," Nami said. "He should be allowed to do what he wants with his life."

"So, um, anyway…" Sali began, "We need to find that girl as soon as possible, so can you give us some sort of direction on where she went?"

"Oh, of course," the Kikwi elder said. "She went in the direction of the old ruins. That is the only easy entrance into the deeper section of the woods."

"Thanks. In that case, we'll be leaving-" She started to turn on her heel when he stopped her.

"Ah, but I'm not quite finished. We used to have a ladder there, since it is on a tall cliff, but monsters were using it to get into the woods, so we took it away after the girl passed through."

"… Then put it back."

"Lopsa set it on fire by accident after we took it back."

"YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!"

"Don't worry, Sali!" Nami told her. "There's gotta be some other way we can get up there. It's only a ledge!"

"Now that I consider it," the Kikwi elder started, "there is a tree growing out of the wall right near the entrance. If you could just knock a vine down from it, you should be able to use it!"

"What are we supposed to knock it down with?" Link wondered. Nami gave him a look like he was stupid, and gestured towards Sali. "Ah, right. Her infamous aim…"

"I have an idea!" the elder exclaimed. "You could use this slingshot to fire something at it to knock the vine down! It's brilliant!"

_**Link got the Slingshot!**_

"Uh, thanks…" Link said awkwardly.

* * *

LATER AT THE RUINS…

"What in the heck," Sali grumbled.

The vine wasn't exactly what any of them had expected. It was technically hanging down, but completely curled up. It seemed as if throwing anything at it would be completely pointless, and that the only solution would be to pull the vine down themselves.

"What good will a slingshot even do?!" she yelled in frustration. She picked up a rock and chucked it at the vine just out of anger, and to everybody's surprise, the vine still uncurled completely, opening up the path. "… You've gotta be kidding."

"Let's start doubting the laws of physics," Nami said. Wait, did the laws of physics even exist back then?

"MASTER LINK!" Fi suddenly said, appearing and scaring all of them, since she hadn't spoken for quite some time. "I believe that now would be a great time to inform you on additional information regarding the use of your items." The others blinked. "You should be aware by this point that you can instantly ready your slingshot by pressing the B button."

"… Fi?" Nami started, raising an eyebrow. "Are you okay?"

The sword spirit twitched. "If you experience difficulty aiming while you're using this at any time, point the Wii Remote forward and press **down** on the D-pad to recenter your aim." She disappeared back into Link's sword when she finished speaking.

"… Should we ask her later?" Link suggested.

"Eh, maybe," Sali replied, shrugging. "But who even knows if we'll get a real answer."

They turned their attention back to the path that had just opened to them, when Nami suddenly spoke up. "… Um, guys, I don't know if I can actually climb up that," she spoke.

"Don't worry," Link told her, smiling warmly. "I'll go first and help you up." Insert shoujo rose background here.

"Oh Link… You're so kind!"

Sali hemmed very loudly.

"Do you need help up too, Sali?" Nami asked her.

"N-no, I just… we need to stay focused!" she answered.

Afterwards, they used the vine to help them get up the ledge and went through the cave in front of them to get deeper into the woods, where Zelda supposedly had gone.

But they were still being followed.

_"So those are the ones heading for the temple, correct?"_

_"Yes."_

_"They sure are an interesting bunch. But they will be easy to dispose of."_

_"Of course, Master."_

DRAMATIC SOUND EFFECT.

"… Did you hear that?" Sali spoke, turning her head to where they had come from.

"Hear what?" Link asked, raising an eyebrow.

* * *

When they walked through the tunnel that lead into the deeper section of the woods, Fi jumped out in front of them again and began speaking. "I have confirmed the plant life of this area matches that of the Faron Woods. We have reached the area locally referred to as the Deep Woods," she said.

"… Isn't it just part of the Faron Woods, though?" Sali asked. "Of course the plants are going to be the same."

"You are correct," Fi replied. "It is simply a section of the woods. Now, we should continue our search for Zelda." She disappeared once again.

As they continued forward into the woods, they quickly came across some of those red pig things with their cleaver-like swords. This time, they were in close quarters with them, so the team didn't have any sort of chance to jump out and take them out quickly. Link and Sali defeated them quickly, making them start to wonder if these guys were even nearly as strong as they looked.

"… Sorry guys," Nami apologized. "I'm not really doing much to help."

"It's fine," Sali reassured her. "These are just a bunch of low-levels anyway. Well, apparently."

Nami looked at the ground. "I'll try to be helpful as soon as I can…"

"No really, don't sweat it!"

"Yeah," Link agreed. "Your positivity is all that's needed." Shoujo rose background. Again.

And Nami was off in fantasies again. "Oh Link…" she spoke.

"Would you knock that off, Link?" Sali said with an annoyed tone. "You keep sending Nami into daydream land."

"I know," he answered, 'lulz'ing.

"No way, you're doing it on purpose?!"

They continued on, but quickly had to stop again. For some stupid reason, there was a massive ditch before them with nothing but a rope going across it. To make things worse, there was a hornet nest hanging from a branch right above it.

"… What is that?" Nami wondered, pointing to the nest. After all, they didn't have hornets in Skyloft.

"I think it's an insect nest," Link told her. "The bugs flying around it look pretty hostile though…"

"Well, we obviously have to get rid of it, right?" Sali asked. She picked up a rock.

"Wait! You probably shouldn't-"

Sali hurled the rock at the hive, and much to their luck, they were far enough away that the hornets didn't come after them, but instead flew down the chasm after their falling nest.

"I have a feeling that could have been a lot worse," Nami pointed out.

They walked up to the cliff. "Okay, now we're faced with problem number two," Sali said, "How the heck are we supposed to cross this?" She held her hand out towards the huge chasm. While it wasn't particularly far, being probably about 6 meters across, the bottom could not be seen.

"This isn't even fair…" Nami mumbled.

"Maybe there was a bridge here at some point," Link said. "But then the monsters took it out to be obnoxious, but then they realized that they couldn't cross so they put a rope up, because they're too stupid to know how to build their own bridge."

"GRAHEBURDEBA YARBEDUR!" a random red pig thing yelled from the other side, and then began trying to cross the rope tight-rope style. "TSIBADIDUBA!"

"Spebleblur durba, Zurdu!" another red pig thing yelled from the other side, seemingly at the first red pig thing. "Erhdablei lurdurhur!"

The first red pig thing looked back at the second red pig thing. "Erludrupla tsibadidu qurzple, Drew!" he yelled back.

Sali knelt down by the rope and began shaking it. As a result, Zurdu lost his balance fell into the abyss.

"Reu plehdu zyudrahu…" Drew mumbled, walking away.

"Do I _want_ to know what they're saying?" Nami said.

Fi appeared in front of them. "I am able to translate if you would like," she told her.

"Uh, no thanks…"

"Mhateku! Ahrerm erh lrmeqi," ANOTHER red pig thing could be heard saying, walking into vision, holding an entire bridge above his head. He placed it down over the chasm. "Grahredah bkoblas…" he mumbled before walking off.

"… What in Din's lair…" Sali said. "Fi, what the heck just happened?"

"A approximate translation of what he said would be, _Exclamation! The bridge is missing again_," Fi stated. "_My fellow people are stupid_."

Nami snickered.

They crossed the surprisingly sturdy bridge and walked for a bit more to see another bottomless chasm… with another bridge over it, which lead into a more open area. A sign was placed next to the bridge, with red pig thing language writing and a frowny face with horns on it.

Rather than taking the time to ask Fi to read the sign, they just passed by into the next area. While the area was open, there were cliffs everywhere, but, fortunately, there were literally bridges over every single one of them.

"I feel bad for that one guy," Nami said. "He's probably the one putting up all the bridges, but the others keep taking them away."

"Hey look, it's that rock guy!" Link exclaimed, pointing off into a distance. Sure enough, there was Gorko the Goron.

"OH, HEY GUYS I RECOGNIZE!" he called out immediately, apparently having noticed them. "Look at this thing over here!"

The three of them walked over to where Gorko was, and he presented to them a large cube with some fancy marks on it. "Check this out! If I remember correctly, this is supposed to be one of those things the goddess left behind for the hero of legend!" he said. "I even thought of a totally original and creative name for them. I'm calling them Goddess Cubes! Makes sense, right?"

"Uh, sure," Sali responded awkwardly.

Gorko kept talking, "Those ancient texts say some really interesting stuff about these cubes. It was like, _Summon forth the light from a heavenly blade, and may that swords master receive aid_."

The team blinked.

"Hey! You have a sword! We should crack the mystery of this cube together!"

"Um, I don't think that's how it works," Link lied, not wanting this guy to know that they were supposed to be legendary heroes. "I think you need some kind of special sword for that."

"This sounds really screwed up," Nami whispered to Sali, giggling.

"… I think your mind is screwed up," the green-haired girl responded.

"Maybe," Nami answered, grinning.

"C'mon, dude! You should try anyway!" Gorko told Link.

The blond boy sighed. He drew his Goddess blade, held it up towards the sky, energy absorbed into it, and he slashed forward, making a beam shoot out of it. It hit the block, turning it into a blob of light which shot up into the sky.

"Holy flip!" Gorko exclaimed. "That worked better than I thought it would! Tell ya what dude, whenever you see one of those cubes, do that! Maybe something will happen eventually." The Goron ran off in excitement.

Fi suddenly appeared in front of them. "MASTER!" she yelled, scaring them all. Again.

"GODDESSES FI STOP DOING THAT!" Link shouted.

"The temple is visibly within a close distance," Fi said, twitching again, and surprisingly, ignoring Link completely. "If you continue forward at a normal walking pace you will reach it in approximately 22.4 seconds."

"Yes, thank you, we're going," Sali told her. Fi disappeared back into the sword on Link's back.

"GUYS GUYS, ZELDA'S IN THE TEMPLE," Nami suddenly exclaimed. "I mean it was probably really obvious but still."

"Oh, wow, it's actually really easy to forget why we're here in the first place…"

Link was already at the entrance of the temple.

"Whoa, Link! Hold on!" Sali called out, running over to him. "Are we prepared enough for this? Like, do we have the supplies to go marching into a possibly-huge temple like this?"

"I have this feeling we'll be okay," he told her. "Besides, I have food and water with me. Like, a lot."

"Oh. Well in that case, we'll probably be fine."

Nami ran up to them. "Hey, what's that thing?" she asked, pointing up to a strange red gem thing on the ceiling. It looked like it was made up of a bunch of little red gems attached to a pedestal, which was stuck to the ceiling.

"Decoration?" Link answered. Sali tossed a rock up at it and the little gems became purple, flew apart, completely defying gravity, and suddenly the entrance of the temple was opening. "… What."

"When in doubt, throw a rock at it," Sali said, holding another rock and tossing it up and down in her hand.

"Whoooaaa, those are really big mushrooms," Nami pointed out, walking a little ways into the dungeon and crouching down next to one. Along the sinister staircase going underground were many large, glowing blue mushrooms. There were also a lot of thick vines growing along the ceiling, with huge leaves attached to them. The whole staircase looked like it was made to scare people off in general.

But that didn't scare them. They marched down into the dungeon anyway.

"To be honest, this place looks pretty cool," Nami said, examining the whole area with interest. It would have been pitch black, but the entire place was illuminated by those glowing blue mushrooms.

"Nami, wait," Link told her. She stopped in her tracks. "There's a giant spider web in front of you."

"What?!" Nami jumped back immediately and stared at the huge web before her. "Oh gawdesses… are there huge spiders here?! Okay, this just got a lot less cool." A bat flew down from the ceiling and over her head. "EEK!" She clung to Sali. "This isn't nice!"

"Nami, you're gonna have to do better than that," Sali told her.

"Give her a break, she's not fearless," Link said. "Nami, can you try and pinpoint Zelda's location?"

Nami focused a little, and sighed. "… I can't," she answered. "There are so many monsters in here that I can't even figure out where she is. There's also this one… incredibly strong aura coming from really deep in the dungeon… no wait, two."

"_Two_?" Link and Sali both said at the same time.

"We have to be careful," Nami told them. "This could end really badly if we're not."

"Well that's ominous," Sali said, completely unfazed for some reason. She drew her sword and sliced at the massive spider web in front of them until the path was clear, not caring that the threads stuck to the blade.

The staircase before them led down for a little while, with a few mini trees Sali enjoyed cutting down and some more spider webs blocking their way here and there. It never got darker, because the magic glowing blue mushrooms brightly illuminated the path the whole way down.

"Seriously, are mushrooms supposed to glow?" Nami asked, scratching her arm and her leg twitching a little, which she quickly started furiously scratching at as well.

"… Nami?" Sali started, raising an eyebrow. "You okay there?"

"I get itchy when I think about bugs and their possible presence," Nami answered. "Like, really itchy."

"Eugh, it's one of those plants," Link said, pointing up to a higher ledge. Sure enough, a plant about their size with a venus trap-like appearance was up there, just staring at them with its nonexistent eyes. Sali chucked a rock at it and it died instantly from the strong impact. In fact, it hit the plant and tore the stem, and kept going and hit the red gem switch behind the plant, activating it and opening up the large barred door to their left.

"… Wow," Nami said. "Sali, how come you never did anything with your amazing magical skill?" "I hit Groose in the head with it," Sali told her. "Sounds like a good enough use."

Fi appeared in front of them as they walked towards the door. "Masterrrrrrrrrr-" she began, holding that '_r_' like she was broken. "This door is automated by powerrr…" The trio stared at her. "If you tap eeet the pathway shall open because science." She disappeared into the sword on Link's back again.

"Did we break her?" Sali asked.

Nami walked up to the door and poked it, making it, surprisingly, immediately open into the ceiling. They were skeptical about going through the doorway, but it was completely safe. The next room was fairly small, and fairly bright due to the amount of mushrooms, and a tall pedestal of sorts was in the middle of the room, and an eye on the wall across from it. For some odd reason, it almost seemed as if the eye was alive, as it would open and close, and watch them.

"That's pretty creepy," Nami pointed out.

"ILLUMINATIIII CONFIRRRMED," Fi, apparently out again, blurted while twitching.

"Okay, she's broken," Sali said.

"Masterrrrrr, I would recommend shooting the eye with some sort of… THING somehow or else you will not be able to progressszzz."

"Can we turn her off?"

Under the wall with the creepy eye on it was a barred door, indicating that there must be some kind of puzzle involving the eye. They walked up onto the pedestal, and the eye stared at them… or rather, the sword that Sali still had out. She raised an eyebrow, and held it high in the air. The eye followed the tip.

"Make it dizzy," Nami said.

"Why?" Sali asked her. "What good will that do?"

The blue-haired girl shrugged. "I dunno."

Sali waved the sword around in a circle, and soon enough, the eye turned red and kept spinning, and then fell off the wall and exploded quietly. Then the barred door opened.

Nobody had any words. So they just passed through the door silently.

"MASTERRRRRR, THERE ARE _twoooo_ DEKU BABAS IN THE CEILINNNNG," Fi practically buzzed. It was getting annoying. "AND LITTLE EXPLODING BURRS ON THE GROUND."

"Little? Those things are the size of my hand," Sali pointed out, picking up a rock and throwing it at the first Deku Baba, killing it. She killed the other one directly with her sword.

"If you walk around them silently they shall not explode," Fi stated, sounding a little more normal that time.

"No seriously guys, how do the mushrooms do this," Nami said, crouching next to a nearby one. "Is it the spores or something? Or is it like, the mushroom itself?" She poked it, and it flopped a little. "Can I take one home? That would be so helpful. Or like, I could sell them to parents for their kids to use as night lights."

"That's actually kind of a brilliant idea," Sali told her. "But I'm pretty sure that if we cut them, or try to take them, they could go out. They might just be glowing because they're growing healthily and connected to the ground or something."

"Look, here's a tiny one!" Nami exclaimed, pointing to a little glowing mushroom growing near the larger one. "I'm gonna test that." She tugged on the tiny mushroom a little, but strangely, it did nothing. Even after trying to yank it out, the mushroom did not detach from the ground. "U-uh, try cutting it, Sali!"

The green-haired girl rose an eyebrow in confusion at this mushroom, and tried to cleanly slice it from its spot. It left a clear mark, but the mushroom remained firmly planted in the ground. Then the mark disappeared.

"Oh my gawdesses, the mushroom is fricking invincible," Nami said.

"Guys?" Link started, turning around to see the two girls completely distracted.

"Are they all like this?" Sali wondered. She started randomly hacking at the larger mushroom next to Nami, scaring the crap out of the blue-haired girl. Cut marks were left on the mushroom, but they disappeared in just a few seconds, like the little one. "HOW DOES THIS WORK?!" Nami coughed as spores were scattered around as a result of the slashing.

"Sali, chill out…" Nami told her. "The spores are like… making me feel light-headed, I think." She coughed some more. "This is weiiird… really weird…" She shook her head violently.

"Whoa, Nami, you okay there?" Sali asked her, finally stopping. The blue-haired girl lost her balance and fell sideways onto the ground. "All right then, I'll take that as no."

"What the heck happened?" Link asked, running over to Nami and holding her up in his arms. "Hey. Hey! Nami!"

"I don't feel so good…" the blue-haired girl mumbled, her words slurring.

"All right, note to self, do not attack the glowing mushrooms, especially with someone nearby," Sali said, writing it down in her notepad from the last chapter.

"You don't say," Link spoke.

"Kaka…" Nami mumbled, "… koko?" Link and Sali blinked.

"_What_?" they both said at the same time.

"… I like cookies…" Nami said randomly, sitting up in Link's arms. "Like, shiny ones… maybe…" She flopped over again. "and pineapple juice…"

"What the frick is a pineapple?" Sali wondered.

Nami proceeded to giggle like a creepy little girl in a horror film would. "This is funnyyyyy… I feel all jittery…"

"Okay, Sali, what did you do to her?" Link asked Sali.

"Firstly, I didn't do anything. I think she inhaled the spores from that glowing mushroom and they're making her act all weird," she answered. "The effect will probably fade away after just a bit."

"No wait… I'm fine," Nami said, trying to get to her feet. Link helped her up. "My head still feels kinda fuzzy though."

"Can you walk on your own?" Link asked her.

"Yeah, I think." The blond boy slowly let go, and Nami stumbled as a result. Link came forward to catch her again but she held her hand up. "No no, I can do this." She took a step forward but her leg did not support her as she tried to walk, so she fell into Link's arms. Thankfully, he was already prepared to catch her.

"Looks like that's not gonna work so well," Sali pointed out.

Nami didn't respond. Link held her back up, and she looked very zoned out.

Fi appeared out of Link's sword, right in front of them. "Master," she began, finally not sounding broken, "It appears that Miss Nameya has been infected with Blue Spores Syndrome."

DRAMATIC SOUND EFFECT.

"Okay, I know I heard it this time!" Sali exclaimed. "Where the heck is that coming from?"

"Do not question the sound effects, Miss Sali," Fi told her. "They appear without reason and the source can not and will never be located either. Returning to the previous subject, I estimate that Miss Nameya will not recover from this until the dungeon has been completed."

"Completed?!" Link and Sali shouted.

"But we just got here! Please tell me that this dungeon won't take a long time to get through!" Sali said. She ran over to the zoned out Nami and started shaking her by her shoulders. "Wake up! Goddesses, Nami, wake up!"

"Miss Nameya will likely awake and begin to act strangely," Fi explained. "I predict that this will involve it appearing as if she has too much energy, and it may involve hallucinations."

"HOW ABOUT YOU TELL US THESE THINGS EARLIER?! MAYBE THEN THIS WOULDN'T HAVE HAPPENED!"

"I assumed that you knew not to attack the suspicious glowing mushrooms," Fi said. "You have been constantly saying that my information is unhelpful."

"Fi, you can't _assume_ things like that," Link stated. "You can assume that we know that there's a temple right in front of us, but not that we know glowing mushrooms have dangerous spores!"

"I am sorry, Master, I do not understand what you are asking me to do."

"Skip the obvious stuff and tell us the important stuff!" Sali told her. "For example, dangerous things are important!"

"Though, she might just learn as we go along," Link pointed out to Sali. "Or… hopefully she'll learn as we go along."

Suddenly, Nami jerked back into consciousness. "Wait wha. What happened?" she said while frantically looking around. "Oh mai guuuuuuuh… dafrick is going on… Lulz. I suddenly feel like screaming a lot."

"Please _don't_ do that," Sali said.

"Actually no. No I don't-" Nami started to cough uncontrollably.

"Whoa, you okay?!"

"N-no," Nami somehow said. She continued to cough until some weird blue substance came out with it. After twenty seconds, she finally stopped.

"Miss Nameya, it would appear as if your body is completely rejecting the blue spores," Fi stated. "As in, rather than becoming infected as a regular individual normally would, your body has promptly removed the infection."

"You don't say…" Nami answered, wiping her face and hands off with a handkerchief she apparently had in her pocket.

"Oh my goddesses. You have no idea how glad I am that's a thing," Sali said. "Let's just continue on and pretend this whole thing never happened, all right?"

"Sounds like a good idea," Link spoke. "Except we know to not attack the mushrooms."

"Lesson learned…" Nami mumbled.

After finally leaving that short tunnel the previous door had led them into, they took a look around that next room. On the wall right behind them were some spiders bigger than the size of their hands chilling on some vines growing along the wall.

"Eeeuughahhuh," Nami… said? "Do not want."

Sali promptly killed them all with rocks, making them explode into purple smoke. "Sorry little guys, your base is under attack," she spoke.

"GRAHERBADURBA SPLERDUR?!" a green pig thing further into the room exclaimed. See, it was the same as a red pig thing, except it was green. It also had some sort of skull helmet and a stone axe-hammer. "SPLADURBADUR!" It began to run towards them, weapon ready.

"Ahhhh nope," Sali said, quickly slashing past it with her blade, and it exploded into purple smoke like all the other enemies had.

After that, there were a few magic red switches around the room that they had activate by hitting them in order to progress. Everything seemed fine and normal until, in the next room, they encountered a fricking massive spider hanging from the ceiling a short distance from them.

"OH GODDESSES THE NIGHTMARES! I CAN ALREADY FEEL THEM!" Nami screamed, twitching like crazy.

"Gurl. Chill the frick out," the spider said. Wait, what? "Whazzit with you people and bein' so scared of us spiders? You ain't scared of that Goron guy who wanders around dem woods and he's a big guy."

"Holy frick, it talks," Sali stated.

"The name's Derek," the giant spider told them. "I would probably have no idea what I'm lookin' at right now if another one of your kind hadn't passed through here earlier, y'know. Maybe ya knew her?"

"I'm guessing she had long blond hair?" Sali asked him.

"Yeah, that's right. Were ya looking for her? I told her about a shortcut that takes you straight to the last room which is were she said she needed to go-"

"THERE'S A SHORTCUT?" Nami exclaimed. "Where is it?!"

"Uh, all ya gotta do is just go back into the main room and stand in that circle on the floor, and there's a loose tile, and there's a switch under that which opens up the passage nearby."

"Sweet! That's way easier! But… still, I had no idea spiders could talk."

"Nah, thaz just me and my brother back there," Derek said, motioning towards another giant spider in the back of the room, who waved. "We're cool like that."

"Wow, thanks for that," Link said. "That's a huge help."

"Just don't forget to put the tile back afterwards. The passageway closes on its own after the first person passes through, so you should go in all at the same time."

And so they went back to the main room and quickly found the specified circle. Sure enough, there was a tile that came up, with a lever of sorts under it. It opened up a passageway on a nearby wall. They all walked through at the same time after putting the tile back, and it was fine.

After walking for about five minutes through the shortcut, they reached what seemed like the end of it. To their left was a huge door that seemed very out of place. After they stepped out of the smaller hallway, the walls closed up behind them like the passageway was never there.

"Master," Fi said, finally speaking again, "This door appears to be the 'boss door'. This passageway has taken you behind it, likely saving you about a half hour of time needed to be spent in the temple."

"Cool," Sali responded.

One short hallway later, they entered a larger, more important-looking room. There were patterns on the walls and on the floor, and on the opposite of the round room was a golden-colored door with carvings on it.

"Wait… what were you saying about those auras, Nami?" Link asked the blue-haired girl. "Like… did we dodge them entirely?"

Nami bit her lip. "Um. No," she answered.

Link and Sali blinked.

Right at that moment, a momentary burst of light appeared right in front of the golden door; bright enough that they all shielded their eyes. It was gone instantly, and right where it had appeared…

… were a white-haired man, and a raven-haired man.

"… Yeah, right there," Nami whispered. Link and Sali's eyes widened.


	4. Eric

The Bizarre Saga: Skyward Sword  
Chapter 4: Eric

_Previously on the Bizarre Saga, Link was sort of a troll, Sali killed some stuff, Nami DIDN'T get infected with blue moss- I mean spores, Fi was being broken, they took a shortcut through the whole dungeon, and they encountered some people._

_Now for Chapter Four._

"… Yeah, that's the source, all right," Nami whispered to her team. Right in front of them was the origin of the powerful aura Nami had been feeling at the beginning of the dungeon; from a white-haired man, and a raven-haired man.

The white-haired man before them had this haircut that hung over his left eye and covered that side of his head, and his skin was a greyish color. A huge earring in a diamond shape hung from his showing long ear, and his outfit was… interesting. It entirely consisted of tight white clothes with diamonds cut throughout it (it was easy to tell that this man liked diamonds), it basically being a body suit with no sleeves and gloves. Over this was a red cloak that had even more diamonds on the inside of it. He wielded a blade in his right hand, so the team's guard was instantly up, but then it disappeared… into diamonds.

As for the raven-haired man, he didn't seem as out of place, appearing a bit more 'human' or 'natural'. His hair was messy and short (but also straight), except it hung all over his face and covered up a lot of his forehead, and some longer parts of it rested on his nose. His skin was very pale, he was relatively skinny, and his long ears had a few piercings on them. His supposed sense of fashion was not nearly as outlandish as the white-haired man; this guy wore a brown jacket with fur on the edges of the hood and the bottoms of the sleeves, wearing a black collared shirt under it, along with black pants and brown boots. Needless to say, it was much more simplistic.

"Well, well, well," the white-haired man began, still not facing them. "Look who it is, and what's this? He brought his little friends, too." He spun around dramatically to reveal purple shadows (or something) under his dark eyes, and white lips. It was hard to tell whether he was wearing lipstick or if that was natural. "I thought that tornado I stirred up would have tossed and torn you apart, yet here you are. Not in pieces." He flipped his hair. "Not that your life or death has any consequence. It's just the girl that matters now, and I can sense her here… just beyond this door."

"What are you going on about?" Sali asked. "Who are you supposed to be?"

"Ah, right, that," the man continued. "How uncivil of me. Allow me to introduce myself. I am the Demon Lord who presides over this land you look down upon, this world you call the 'surface'. You may call me Ghirahim. In truth, I very much prefer to be indulged with my full title, _Lord_ Ghirahim. But I'm not fussy."

"Okay, how about you answer the first question now? That would pretty nice."

"Oh yes, it was in fact me who knocked that girl from her perch in the clouds," Ghirahim said. "Tornadoes are a magical thing, aren't they? Except, we were _just about_ to finally catch her, yet that loathsome servant of the goddess appeared out of no where and snatched her right up out of our hands! Do you know how that makes me feel inside? FURIOUS! OUTRAGED! SICK WITH ANGER! In fact, I would love to kill something right now!"

"Here we go again…" the raven-haired man muttered.

"BUT. I'm afraid I can't brutally murder you this time," Ghirahim said, getting all their attention, even the man standing next to him. "For I… must go to the bathroom!"

The room fell silent.

"… Are you serious?" the raven-haired man said. "I told you to go before we left, Master."

Suddenly the team was having a hard time not bursting out laughing, especially Nami.

"Eric, my boy!" Ghirahim began, "Go and dispose of these pests! As I consider it, they might try to bother me in the future, so we'll just take the safer path." And with that, he teleported away into diamonds.

The raven-haired man, Eric, let out a sigh. "This is unbelievable," he grumbled. He turned towards the team, and now with him being in the center stage, it was clear that his right eye was blood red, and his left was orange. His pupils were just a darker shade of each eye color, making it even more noticeable. He made a motion with his hand, and much to the team's surprise, flames materialized around it and quickly shaped the form of a blade, which he took in his right hand. "Well, I'll apologize now for this."

"Hey, you realize there are three of us, right?" Sali asked him. "Like, you know, the whole outnumbering concept."

"I'm not concerned about that," Eric answered.

"U-um. What do I do?" Nami asked Link quietly. "I can't fight!"

"… Don't worry about it," he replied, but hesitantly.

"But I can't just…"

"Nami, don't worry about it!" Sali told her, drawing her sword. "We can handle this." She looked back at Eric. "You hear that? Leave her out of this!"

Eric didn't respond. He simply held his hand up, and a massive wall of fire appeared between them and Nami, just like a barrier. The team all instantly backed away from the huge flames. "Then I suppose we shall," Eric said afterwards.

The light mood that had resulted from the demon lord's dramatic exit to the bathroom was quickly replaced with an atmosphere of uncertainty and anxiety.

"Goddesses, this isn't fair," Sali mumbled. She clenched her teeth and drew her sword slowly, and turned to Link. "How are we supposed to beat this guy?"

"You just gotta trust them," Link replied, unsheathing the Goddess Blade.

"It's really unfortunate that you have meet your end like this," Eric said, taking slow steps towards them. Link and Sali both flinched when he took his first one. "I'll try to make this as quick as possible."

"Stop talking like we're gonna lose!" Sali yelled.

"I hope you realize that you're not just going to lose. You're going to _die_." Eric spun his fire sword around a bit. "All three of you, right here in this room."

Nami's uneasiness rose even further, behind the huge flames that cut her off from her teammates. There was nothing she could do to help in this situation, and all she could do was hope that Link and Sali prevailed against him.

"Well, good-bye then."

In the blink of an eye, Eric had already appeared in front of them. Sali's eyes widened as the blade of fire came towards her, but she rolled out of the way just in time, only getting slightly injured out of something that could have killed her. Eric's attack continued to Link, but the blond boy jumped backwards, avoiding it.

"What, that's all you got?" Sali asked.

"Sali, what the frick!" Nami yelled from behind the barrier. "Don't say stuff like that!"

"Yeah, don't say stuff like that," Eric said. "I've hardly done anything."

"Hey! You can't agree with me!"

"But you said something I agree with."

"They had different purposes for being said!"

"They had the same meaning."

Sali took this opportunity to attack Eric with all her strength, but he blocked her blade without no concern, and seemingly no trouble.

"_It's solid_?!" Sali thought, leaping backwards. The fire blade that Eric had was somehow, in fact, solid, like a real sword, which was how he had been able to block her attack with it. "_How is that even possible_?!" But then she remembered, Ghirahim had a blade that had vanished soon after he appeared, by control; perhaps this was the same?

Most likely. But it helped to know that the blade was solid…

… or only sometimes.

Nami standing by in horror, the fight went on for what seemed like forever, but in reality, was only a short period of time. Because… Link and Sali were getting tired. And they hadn't even left a scratch on Eric. Not a single scratch. It was practically impossible to hit him.

But, attack after attack, they picked up the idea: Eric was a master of fire.

If it wasn't obvious by his magic flaming sword that he managed to make appear out of thin air and that huge fire barrier, he fought with fire. It was like he could control it with his mind. And about the weapon; it looked like it was made of fire, it sort of was. Eric could block attacks with it, but it sometimes wouldn't be solid. But even though the whole theme here was fire, there was no smoke. Not even a bit. Which was pretty nice.

Nami, while simply watching what was happening in front of her made her nervous, she analyzed every second of it. Given she had even more time to think about what was happening than Link and Sali, since she wasn't in the middle of the fight, she tried her hardest to try and figure out patterns. Even though she wasn't really sure what help it would do, since randomly yelling out an idea in didn't sound like the greatest plan in a real life situation, she wanted to feel like she was doing something.

Another minute passed.

By this point both Link and Sali were covered in burns from Eric's attacks, but neither of them were bleeding from injuries… yet.

"… Screw all of this," Sali mumbled, breathing heavily. "I'm gonna… fricking end you." She had a bad burn on her face, and the pain that it was causing was not helping her think. She slowly raised her sword, trembling slightly.

"SALI, DON'T!" Nami screamed, after not having made a sound for who was even keeping track. But really, nobody had time to think about how much time had passed.

And that's when Sali lashed out.

Even though Nami looked panicked and Link was shocked (and internally panicking), and they were sure that this was an awful idea, it somehow caught Eric off guard, possibly because Sali had been controlled and attacking strategically the whole time. All Din's lair broke loose, and eyes couldn't even keep up with what was happening. Sali and Eric froze in a position after the most intense seven seconds ever, Eric looking like he had just blocked an attack from Sali at the last second. Sali was panting heavily, Eric, not so much, but at least they could tell he was actually breathing now. Before, his breath was so quiet and calm that it was almost as if it wasn't there.

No one said a word.

"… _His arm_," Sali thought, "_it's… bleeding! Did I actually hit him_?!"

"… You're fast," Eric said. "Now, why didn't you fight like this when we started?" Sali didn't respond, but furrowed her brow.

Neither of them really realized that the huge fire barrier blocking Nami from the scene went down. The last attack had seemingly made Eric lose his focus and he was no longer able to multitask and hold it up at the same time. But Nami really still had nothing she could do to help. Considering that it took _that_ to land a single hit on Eric, coming from Sali, who was popular for her abilities, Nami knew that the hand-to-hand training she had taken at one point would be completely useless.

But right as Sali was about to begin attacking again, Eric kicked her in the stomach. She coughed up blood, and then he kicked her again, sending her skidding backwards into a pillar. It was extremely obvious at this point that, despite his appearance, other than his eyes, this guy was not human and had far higher capabilities.

"SALI!" Nami yelled, contemplating racing over. They did say that she would stay out of it, so she had no idea what the better idea would be.

Link said nothing, struggling to stay focused on the foe. He would be next.

"You're the _actual_ hero, correct?" Eric asked him. "You do have the blade of the goddess…"

"_I have to win this. I have to_!" Link thought. "_I knew this whole hero of prophecy thing was serious, but… this…"_

Link didn't even have time to react when Eric zoomed straight through him with his fire sword. Link fell to his knees, and then to the ground.

"_Oh goddesses. Oh goddesses. Oh goddesses_," Nami thought over and over again. "_Goddesses, please help us_."

"… They're not dead yet," Eric said. "But they'll die soon enough if they're left in the state they're in." He looked at Nami. "What should I do with you?"

"W… WHY?!" Nami shouted, tears welling up in her eyes. "HOW COULD YOU DO THIS WITH ABSOLUTELY NO FRICKING CARE WHATSOEVER?!"

"I apologized already," Eric answered. "They were orders."

"Oh yeah? Orders? From who, Mr. Most Important Guy in the World? You brainwashed or something?! Yeah, I'm gonna kill some people just cuz Mr. Sparkle Likes Tornadoes told me to!"

Eric blinked. "… What?"

"AH HA! SEE! CURIOSITY!" Nami was starting to randomly say things now. "PROOF OF UNBRAINWASHEDNESS!"

Eric raised an eyebrow.

"YOU have just left my friends here in an almost dead state," Nami said. "There is no _way_ I am leaving this without any sort of fight put up!"

"… Are you insane?" Eric asked.

"_Goddesses, please… It's just me now! Help me out here!_" Nami thought.

Suddenly, a green transparent blade quickly materialized in Nami's hand.

"… Whoa," she said.

Eric stared. "Are you really going to…" he started, but then she just came running at him. "Okay, look, I really don't think-"

Nami jumped in the air as she ran towards him, in attempt to get a jump attack in. He blocked it easily, and all following attacks.

"_It's all so predictable_…" Eric thought, blocking attack after attack with no problem.

Nami jumped backwards to create distance between them, after realizing this wasn't working. "… Why are you even doing this?!" she asked. "Walking around calling someone 'Master' and doing all his work for him doesn't sound like an enjoyable life!"

"You have no idea what the issue is here. Don't go making assumptions about something you know nothing about," Eric said.

"Oh, then care to _enlighten_ me? Any life where a master who likes killing people tells you to kill people sounds like a bad plan! Is it _power_? Are you _that_ kind of person?"

"Shut up. You don't even know _anything_ about this."

"Really? Then tell me right now: are you _happy_? Pleased with yourself?"

"You really are clueless, aren't you?" Before they realized it, the actual fight had turned into an argument. "I'm not a human. I'm a _demon_. I can't make choices like that." He paused. "Wait, why am I telling _you_ this?"

"Cuz I have magic people powers," Nami said. She had also just realized that she forgot to ask if he was Ghirahim's son or something, but Eric already cleared that up. Sort of.

"Magic… what."

"Okay bro, one, I highly _doubt_ that you are literally unable to make good life choices," Nami said, apparently slowly becoming more comfortable. Somehow. "Two, you know what it's like to be happy, right? _Riiiight_?"

"_For crying out loud- I'm talking to a sky girl with blue hair about my life. Why_," Eric thought. "_I'm on orders right now, what am I even… I could just kill all of them right now, like I'm supposed to, and then I wouldn't have to listen to this anymore_."

"Broooo. I'm talking to you," Nami called out.

"Nami, what the frick are you doing…" Sali almost inaudibly mumbled. She was still in the spot she had been hit to, and her head was bleeding badly.

"HELLOOOO?" Eric didn't respond to her, and continued staring at the floor. Even when Nami turned around to see a barely conscious Sali witnessing the scene, he didn't react to the movement. "Sali?"

"I think… you've made him contemplate his life," she spoke. "Hey… um… I have a potion in my bag… you know that, right?"

"What? Where the heck did you get that?" Nami asked her. She looked over her shoulder, to see that Eric was still ignoring the world.

"Got it from one of those Kikwi guys…" she answered. "You and Link were talking… a little guy dropped from a tree and was like, 'It's dangerous to go alone, take this' before giving it to me and disappearing back into the tree again… oh yeah, and he also said… it's for drinking, not… applying or anything."

Nami knelt down next to Sali and found the potion in her magic pocket. Sure enough, it was in a little bottle. It was a strange blue color, and seemed to be about as thin as water.

"All right then… take it," Nami said quietly. "But pretend to still be injured."

"Why?" Sali asked her.

The blue-haired girl looked over her shoulder again, seeing Eric still spaced out as heck. "It might make all of this useless." She put the opened bottle in Sali's hand, and the green-haired girl promptly drank it, doing it fairly quickly for somebody who was badly hurt. "I think I'm getting somewhere with this."

"… Whatever you say?"

Nami stood up and turned around to resume whatever she was attempting to do. Eric was somehow so caught up with everything on his mind that he didn't catch anything that just happened, so Nami had to walk straight up to him and snap her fingers right in front of his face to 'wake him up'.

"Hello! Are you there!" Nami said along with it, making him practically jump.

"Wait what?" was his response. "Sorry, I was just spacing-" He suddenly realized what he was supposed to be doing and where he was. "You! What did you do?! How did you manage to keep me preoccupied with _words_?!" He made his fire sword reappear, which had disappeared while he was spaced out.

"Look, dude," Nami started. "I have a suggestion for you."

"I'M DONE WITH THIS!" He raised the sword.

Nami quickly put her hands forward. "FOR THE LOVE OF NAYRU GIVE ME A MINUTE!"

"NO!"

"I HAVE ICE CREAM!" She held a carton of it and a spoon out in front of her.

"What the heck is that?"

"YOU POOR SOUL. EAT IT."

Soon enough, the look on Sali's face became 'O_o'.

"Ice cream is happiness!" Nami declared. "If there is any way to quickly receive happiness… it is through ice cream! I just so happened to have it with me!"

Sali had to suppress the desire to say "how the actual frick" because she was supposed to be pretending to be unconscious.

"Except be careful. It's frozen, so you might melt it or something."

"I'm not going to-" Eric started, but Nami held her index finger up to his face to hush him.

"Clearly if you do not know the joys of ice cream, there is no ice cream wherever you live," Nami continued. "You should at least try it because it will probably make you reconsider your life and everything it lacks."

"What are your intentions?" Eric asked, pushing her hand out of the way. Gently? Yes. It was very strange. "Or is this about how you know that you can't wi-"

"No," Nami half lied. "We should be friends or something."

"No seriously, this sounds like you're just trying to plan somethi-"

"ICE CREAM!" She held it up to his face.

"Stop interrupting me!"

"… Pleeeeaaaaase?" Nami made a pouty face.

Bam.

"… Fine," Eric grumbled. "But there is serious no point to this considering the fact that, you know, I'm supposed to _kill_ you all…"

"Oh, just you wait," Nami said, handing him the ice cream. "Oh, and… the contents are the ice cream. Like, you take off the lid…"

"I'm not stupid."

Sali, in the background, couldn't help but wonder what happened to Ghirahim. He probably just ditched them after going, knowing that his 'mah boi' would just kill them all… or maybe. She really hoped that Nami was actually getting somewhere with this.

What was she thinking? Were they just going to turn on him or something? Or was that Plan B? Was she just trying to get him to… change his mind? Something like that. And why the heck did Nami even have ice cream in her pocket? How? When? And why hadn't it melted?!

"This is such a waste of time," Eric muttered. Then he ate some.

He paused.

"… Weeeeelllll?" Nami asked. He didn't immediately answer. He just slowly ate more.

"Can I like… eat all of it?" he asked. Nami giggled.

"It's my favorite kind, but okay," she answered.

"I think my view on the entire human race has changed forever."

"Now that that's over with… I was just kinda wondering…" She trailed off. "I mean, I was gonna ask you this before but you weren't listening…"  
"What is it?"

"Do you wanna… come with us?"

"_NAMI WHAT ARE YOU DOING_," Sali thought, but did not say. Her face definitely said it, however.

Eric didn't actually respond, but the face he made said quite a lot on its own.

"U-um, I mean… I know this is kinda out of the blue," Nami continued, "I'm just giving out the idea that, y'know, we don't have anything against you-"

"Are you asking me to betray my master?" Eric asked. "For no reason? Do you _honestly_ think that I would just…"

"All right then, please talk to me about it! If there's something I don't understand, tell me! I want to know! I just… feel like you might actually be good inside…"

"_Good_? _Bad_? Is that what this is about?" He suddenly had an edge to his voice that made Nami feel uneasy. "Those things have nothing to do with me."

"Said Eric as he continued to eat the ice cream I had given him," Nami said.

"And so I ask the blue-haired girl how she even remembers what my name is when it was only previously mentioned once and not even in her direction," Eric replied, the edge in his voice gone.

"I'm good at hearing and remembering names. It's a skill."

Sali _really_ wanted to just stand up and interrupt the conversation. And the fact that Link was on the floor unconscious and injured didn't help her desire to speed this up either.

"How come the subject keeps going off like this?" Eric asked. "This is getting irritating."

"Okay, look here," Nami began again, "If good and bad has nothing to do with you, then why do you choose bad?"

"That made no sense."

"All right then, answer me this: what's fueling all of this?"

Eric raised an eyebrow.

"Why are you here? I heard something about Zelda being important and a servant of the goddess? It was kind of hard to keep up."

"… I… don't know," Eric reluctantly replied. "I don't know the answers to these things. I just… do as I'm told…" He trailed off.

"_OHHHHhhhh snap_," Nami thought, mentally grinning.

"… I don't _have_ to know the answers," Eric continued, shaking his head. "I'm Lord Ghirahim's most trusted for a reason."

The fact that Eric kept switching between unsure of everything and what he's supposed to think was easily proof that he had actually started taking everything into thought.

"Well you know what?" Nami started, "It's called blindly following. And I have no idea how you can blindly follow someone who likes killing people anyway…"

"It's not blindly following! I just don't know all the _logistics_ at the moment!" Eric yelled.

"Let's put it this way. Do you personally have any negative feelings towards the world?"

"Now you're just sounding like a therapist!"

Sali couldn't do it anymore.

"FOR THE FRICKING LOVE OF THE GODDESSES!" she shouted, getting to her feet and storming to the middle of the room where Nami and Eric were talking. "SOLVE THE STUPID CONFLICT ALREADY!"

"Weren't you… unconscious?" Eric asked, looking extremely puzzled.

"Good side, bad side! Being happy, not caring, burning things or not, ice cream, killing people, negative feelings or not, demon cults, having answers, picking up whatever is going on, joining us, being friends, betrayal, loyalty, whatever the FRICK! WHAT'S THE SOLUTION?! MAKE UP YOUR MINDS! DIN DANG IT!"

Nami and Eric were silent as Sali panted.

"… No seriously, weren't you unconscious?" Eric asked again.

"If it's about BEING HAPPY," Sali continued, ignoring him, "Like DIN'S LAIR you're going to ever find any killing people or doing EVERYTHING under orders!"

"Din's lair? What…"

"Choices? Well? Nami talked about this already but you have really seemed to disregard it since you snapped back out of lala land! It doesn't matter WHAT you do after this, but it's not being _controlled_ by anyone! Who the frick cares if you're a demon or whatever! Individuality EXISTS!"

"Sali, aren't you being a little bit…" Nami started, but Sali gave her a look before she continued talking to Eric.

"Unless they're is some sort of important detail that we're missing here, you're allowed to do _whatever_ you want! It's not that I personally care, but we don't have all day! And by the way…" She gripped the handle of her sheathed blade. "If you decide that you would rather continue your current lifestyle, whatever. I'll have to be fighting you again. It's not a threat, it's what was supposed to happen _in the first place_. Got it?"

"Maybe we should go over this in questions…?" Nami suggested.

"… No," Eric mumbled. "Just… leave. Go do whatever…"

Nami's eyes widened, and Sali rose an eyebrow. "What?" they said in unison.

Eric walked past then. "… Farewell," he said quietly before vanishing quickly in flames.

"… And so we have received Ending B," Nami said with a sigh.

"What are you talking about?" Sali asked her.

"Ending A was getting him on our side," the blue-haired girl explained. "Ending B is him leaving us alive without more fighting, Ending C is us fighting and staying alive, and Ending D… well, we all die. As you can see, we got a better ending."

"Uuuuugh…" they heard Link groan from the other side of the room. Sali and Nami looked at each other before swiftly running over to him.

"Sali, do you have any potion left or anything?" Nami asked.

"I didn't drink all of it," she answered, taking the bottle out of her magic pocket again, and rolling Link onto his back. There was no blood where he got hit, but there was a slash mark across his tunic that was singed around the edges. The slash was deep enough that you could see some skin through the multiple layers, even through the chain mail that he was wearing under the tunic, but that might have been caused by the actual sword. How it cut through all this but did not leave him bleeding was a bit of a mystery, but there was a very bad burn.

"Ow…" he grumbled.

"Link. Potion. Take it," Sali said, practically forcing him to drink it. A few seconds passed, and Link sat up immediately and started coughing.

"Eugh! What the frick is in that?" he asked.

"Medicine always tastes like crap," Sali answered. "Are you all right?"

"… More or less. But… what happened to that guy?"

"He left," Nami told Link. "It's a long and complicated story if you didn't hear in on any of it." She looked at the singe mark on Link's tunic, and the burn on his skin had already disappeared. "We're gonna have to replace your tunic…"

"You think… Zelda's still back there?" Sali said, looking over at the golden door on the other side of the room. "Could she have left by now…?" Link sat up quickly at the sound of Zelda's name, remembering.

"What's that thing?" Nami asked, pointing to something on the ground. It looked like a fancy, red heart-shaped glass container. "That wasn't there before."

"I can say that is something called a Heart Container," a robotic voice said, surprising the three of them.

"Oh geez! I forgot you were even here, Fi!" Nami exclaimed.

"The Heart Container is an object that, when touched, gives more health and ability to an individual or a team," Fi explained. "If one of you were to go and pick it up, it would likely aid all three of you."

"What do you mean by _health and ability_?" Sali asked.

"It allows one to take more damage and still be able to fight. It protects and makes attacks from enemies do smaller amounts of damage."

Nami stood up and went over to pick up the heart container. It was strange, it was somehow standing up right on the point at the bottom of the heart and slowly spun around on its own. When she picked it up, it vanished into sparkles.

_**Nami got a Heart Container! It helped the entire team because logic.**_

"Okay, now we really have to go to whatever is back there," Link said. Nami and Sali nodded, and they made their way to the golden door at the end of the room. The strange carvings on the golden door were now glowing, which went unnoticed before.

When they approached the door, it shone even more brightly than it already was before it faded into thin air, allowing them access through. Because doors had already been opening automatically before, it wasn't that shocking, but this one just _disappeared_ entirely. They passed through the doorway and up a set of stairs, and the smell of outdoors finally met them again.

"Ah, finally~" Nami said, stretching her arms out and taking in the air. When they stepped out of the open doorway of the second gold door that had been at the top of the stairs, a door that looked identical to the other appeared behind them.

The three of them looked around in awe at what was before them; a beautiful spring. A pathway of stone bricks went forward in front of them, the cracks between them filled with moss and plants. Pillars were alongside them, reaching up to a ceiling that created an archway. Lit torches were attached to these pillars, and how they were lit in this ancient place was an enigma.

The water of the spring fell down from the high cliffs around them, giving the place a scent of freshness. Moving forward a little ways they were met with a staircase, and at the top, the sun shone down on a fairly large stone platform. On the far end of this was an altar, more than twenty meters ahead, with a statue that looked quite similar to their own goddess statue they had up at Skyloft, except much, much smaller. It was only a bit larger than Link… rather than being more than a two hundred times his size.

The pathway didn't continue over to the statue. For some odd reason, there were a few platforms set along the water, which they hopped along to reach the end. In front of the goddess statue was a floating indigo crest that resembled wings; identical to the one that had opened up the pathway they had used to get to the surface in the first place.

So, Link held the Goddess Blade towards the sky, and the power of the Skyward Strike filled it almost immediately. He shot it towards the floating crest, like he had done before, turning it a light bluish purple as it spun rapidly from the contact.

Fi appeared out of the blade once again, hovering over the water in front of the trio. "Master, I have a message written in the language of the gods of old. Allow me to translate for you," she said, and she began to dance and skate around on the water. Although she was dancing around in a way that would make it seem like it would be impossible to understand her, the voice was loud and clear.

_From the edge of time I guide you,_  
_the ones chosen to carry out the goddess's mission._  
_The spirit maiden who descended from the clouds must_  
_travel to two sacred places to purify her body._  
_You stand in one of these places: Skyview Spring._  
_The other is known as the Earth Spring._  
_This second spring is hidden away deep within the scorched earth of Eldin._  
_The spirit maiden, ever mindful of the heavy_  
_task entrusted to her, has set out for this second sacred place._

When Fi finished speaking the message, a glowing object flew out of the goddess statue on the alter, and over to Link. When it was close enough, it was clearly another piece of the tablet.

_**Link got the Ruby Tablet!**_

He somehow fit it in his magic pocket, and Fi flew up in front of them again.

"As I just translated, it would appear that Zelda purified herself in the waters of this spring. I calculate a 97% chance that she has already set out for Eldin, where another great spring exists," Fi said.

"Uh, didn't you say that she has set out for it?" Sali asked. "You know, in the message? How is that only a 97% chance? Are you saying there's a 3% chance that message you _just translated_ was a load of crap?"

"However, it is not clear what method of travel Zelda used to move from here to her next destination," Fi continued, ignoring her. "My analysis suggests you should take the tablet to the altar in Skyloft. Doing so will likely open a new column of light on the surface, allowing you to descend to another area and continue your search for Zelda. Let's return to the sky once more before continuing our search. The bird statue outside can take us back up." And with that, she vanished into the Goddess blade.

"Wait… how does it send us back up to the sky?" Nami asked. "How does that even work?"

"Guess we'll find out soon enough," Link said.


	5. When Kids Go Missing

The Bizarre Saga: Skyward Sword  
Chapter 5: When Kids Go Missing

_Previously on the Bizarre Saga, a dramatic battle happened. Link and Sali both almost died, but they didn't because Nami and her magic people powers somehow saved them because she knows how to talk to people. Maybe she and Eric just happened to communicate really well or something. Whatever, that happened. Fi was hardly there. And Ghirahim was in the bathroom for a really long time._

_Now for Chapter Five._

"… That was an awfully long bathroom break."

"Oh, you know how I am. I always get preoccupied with my appearance. I apologize for that. Besides, I trusted you to do exactly what I asked, so I saw no need to return. Speaking of that, I trust you disposed of them?"

Eric let out a sigh. "Of course. They weren't much of a problem." He glanced down at the gash in his jacket where Sali had hit him, and the skin was already completely healed. There wasn't even a trace of blood.

"I didn't think they would be," Ghirahim said. "They are just mere humans. Teenagers, at that. Have I ever told you about how stupid human teenagers can be?"

"Master, demon teenagers are fairly stupid too."

Ghirahim chuckled. "I can't disagree with that."

* * *

Fortunately for the team, they didn't have to go all the way back through the temple. There was a small pathway in the cliffs with water running through it that went right back into the main room of the temple, somehow. Back up the first staircase, and they were at the entrance of the temple. They couldn't have taken that shortcut in the first place, though; it was completely out of sight and hidden away in vines, and on a very high incline on the inside. It was basically a one-way shortcut.

Back outside, a Kikwi stood waiting for them on the stone pathway that was in front of the temple, whom they approached.

"Hey! Did you find the girl?" it asked quietly, looking around, as if trying to make sure there was nothing else around to hear the conversation. "You haven't met me before, but the boss told me about what's going on."

"Uh, no," Link answered. "She was long gone."

"I see. That's too bad. Sorry we couldn't help you out, but we had an important mission. Well, I gotta return to the boss now. Don't tell anyone I was here." And with that, the Kikwi army-crawled away very quickly… somehow.

"What was the point of that conversation?" Sali spoke, sighing.

"So this is the bird statue, right?" Nami asked, approaching the said nearby statue. "How do we… use it?"

"Uh…" Link began, "… take us to the sky?"

No one had high expectations for the result, but surprisingly, what seemed like a huge burst of wind shot out from beneath them… enough to send them flying straight into the sky.

The three of them screamed various things.

They continued to fly straight towards the sky, until they went through the clouds, and even after that they continued flying up until they were at a reasonable height for flying out on Loftwings. They all quickly whistled loudly, and their individual Loftwings came and caught them.

"Good Din, that was fricking terrifying!" Sali yelled out over the wind.

"Ebonyyyyy~!" Nami cooed, hugging her bird, who nuzzled back as best he could for a bird trying to stay airborne in place. "I missed you, buddy!" She flew off and around with her bird in loop-de-loops and spirals, Nami very happy to be up in the sky again, and her bird happy to see her.

"… Why is she so good at flying," Link mumbled.

"Because she actually practices," Sali replied before flying towards Skyloft. Link laughed awkwardly, then followed her soon after.

They pulled off a more-or-less smooth landing in the plaza near the bazaar. Nami, realizing that her friends were over there already, quickly zoomed over and her bird landed like a plane.

"Dude, I forgot how hard it is to fly like that without goggles," she stated, running up behind Link and Nami, waving to her bird as he flew off. "Where are we going again?"

"The statue," Sali answered. "We have to put the tablet in place."

"Ah, right. I knew that."

"And we also have to get Link a new tunic."

"… Yeah…" Link said, looking down at his torn and singed tunic. "Where do we go first? Because… I would really like to replace this. I just have this feeling that the sooner we replace it the better, because I don't really want to attract attention."

"That's understandable. Guess we'll do that first."

They made their way back to the academy as fast as they could, until they were standing in front of the doors to the headmaster's office. Sali knocked before they walked in, and the headmaster, noticing that they came back, stood up immediately and came over to them.

"You've returned!" he exclaimed. "What has happened? Have you found Zelda? And Link, what happened to your clothes?"

"To answer those three questions," Sali began, "One, we needed to come back to open up another path to the surface, two, sort of, and three, we got stuck in a battle."

"Can you please elaborate about Zelda?" the headmaster asked.

"I was going to. We found out where she's going, but we still haven't seen her. She's going to a special spring on the surface for something about her destiny."

"I see… and what was that about a _battle_?"

"… Let's just say we had an encounter with the antagonist," Nami said. "Or… something like that."

The headmaster's eyes widened. "Are you three all right?!"

"Sali had a potion, so yeah. Speaking of that, we should probably get some more from the bazaar. That would be a good idea."

"They sell those?" Sali asked.

"Yeah, they recently started doing that. I have no idea what they're made of, but still, they're potions."

"Well, Link! I was considering that you might need a tunic replacement at some point, so I already have one ready," the headmaster explained.

"What… seriously?" Link questioned.

"Yep! And it's right here in this cupboard!" The headmaster opened up a nearby cover and took out some nicely folded clothes that looked identical to the ones Link had previously received.

So Link went and changed his clothes, and then they got over to the Goddess Statue with no interruptions. Thankfully.

Inside the sword altar, on the far end of the room, nothing had changed since they were last there. Link took the Ruby Tablet out of his magic pocket and placed it where it fit in the little 'puzzle' above the Emerald Tablet.

A few seconds later, Fi appeared from Link's sword. "Master, I have confirmed the location of a second opening in the cloud barrier. It is located in the skies to the northeast," she said. "The opening will allow you to access a new area on the surface. I suggest you fly there as soon as you complete the necessary preparations."

"Fi, I really gotta say… you're starting to say every little thing we have to do," Sali pointed out. Fi didn't respond, and instead just disappeared again. "Geez. It's like she has set lines or something."

They went back outside, and outside the walls of the area where the massive statue was, to see a lady calling out for someone, quite desperately.

"Is something wrong?" Nami asked her.

"I… I can't find Kukiel!" she exclaimed. "Have you three seen her anywhere?"

"Oh, no, we haven't. What happened?"

"Who's that again?" Sali whispered to Link.

"I've been looking everywhere!" the lady said worriedly. "I feel like she might have been… kidnapped!"

"Kidnapped? Are you serious?" Sali asked disbelievingly. "Who would even do that?"

"I've asked everyone I could find for help, and a few people have said she's been spotted with some unknown person with a scary face. Someone else even said they thought they'd seen her carried off by a monster. A monster!"

"Okay, why the heck would there even be a monster up here. Someone's just making stuff up. How old is she?"

"… Nine."

"She's just being a rebel."

"But she must have been kidnapped! She's so cute and friendly… Someone must have just walked off with her!"

"Okay really, Skyloft isn't _that_ big. If there was some sort of pedophile or kidnapper here, it would spread all too quickly."

"Find Kukiel, please! Please! It breaks my heart to think she's somewhere out there, crying! PLEASE!"

"Link, we have something to do, Zelda's just going to leave us behind again if we don't hurry," Sali said.

Link was very conflicted about what to do.

"Of course we'll do it!" So Nami chose for him.

"NAMI!" Sali yelled.

"Thank you, thank you so much!" the lady exclaimed. "The Knight Academy should be proud to have students like you! Please, find my daughter quickly!" She ran off, continuing to call her daughter's name as she grew further away.

"I still think she's just being a rebel…" Sali mumbled. "Whatever. If we're looking for a kid, it's obvious the first place to check would be at the bazaar. And even if she did get kidnapped, the guy who runs the equipment store is pretty suspicious."

"Hey! The equipment store guy is a perfectly nice person!" Nami told her. "He's just very enthusiastic about selling things!"

"Speaking of that," Link started, "I think I might get my shield replaced or something while we're there. It got scratched up pretty badly… I'm surprised it didn't get burnt to a crisp though."

"Oh yeah! And I said that there are potions at the bazaar now," Nami said. "So basically… going to the bazaar is a good idea regardless of missing child."

So to the bazaar they went.

"I always liked how colorful this place is," Nami pointed out.

"HELLO HELLO HELLO!" the equipment store guy called out, bouncing up and down with enthusiasm. "KNIGHT ACADEMY STUDENTS! I HAVE STUFF AND THINGS AT MY STORE!"

"No, no, no! You're doing it wrong!" Link told the guy. "Doing that will just scare people away! Enthusiasm is good. But that was too much."

"I will take that into account. Anyway, welcome! What can I do for you? I have a new shield in stock! It's made of _METAL_. It can block _FIYAH_."

"WELL GERSH FRICKITY DERN THAT SOUNDS LIKE A GOOD PLAN," Sali said, remembering the amount of fire that was included in their battle with Eric. "Except, my problem is, you know, a metal shield sounds like it would weigh a frick ton. Kinda depletes the speed aspect of my fighting style, which is kind of the whole fighting style so then there would be no fighting style and my level of fighting ability would go down by quite a lot. So Link, you can buy one."

"Is there anything else I can interest you in, young miss?" the shopkeeper asked very hopefully.

"Not seeing anything," Sali answered, making the shopkeeper sigh in defeat. "By the way, you wouldn't happened to have kidnapped a little girl, would you?"

"OH COME ON! Why is everyone blaming me for the missing child?! I know some people think my super happy face is scary and that I look like I could be a kidnapper but-"

"Do you know anything about it then? Random details? _Anything_?"

"No! I don't! I man my shop all day, all I know is that a little girl is missing and that half the people who know about it think it's me who's responsible!"

"Fine. But I've got my eye on you…" Sali walked away dramatically, keeping her head facing the shopkeeper as she did, and her eyes wide.

"So, I'd like to buy one of those metal shields…" Link spoke.

"OF COURSE OF COURSE! That will be 100 rupees!" the shopkeeper said, jumping back in front of Link. The blond boy gave him the said amount of money, and the new shield was placed in his extended arms, also being surprisingly lighter than expected. It wasn't _that_ light, but again, lighter than Link expected.

"So, do you think that wooden shield will fit in that pocket thing?" Nami asked him. "I mean, Fledge, or whatever his name is, said that it could fit a certain amount of items in it, no matter what they're sizes, right?"

"Could you like… put a table in it?" Link wondered.

"Or maybe a **person**…"

A few moments of silence between them and thought, and suddenly, imaginary exclamation points appeared above their heads in realization.

"THAT COULD BE HOW KUKIEL WAS KIDNAPPED!" Nami exclaimed.

"I COULD TAKE MY BED WITH ME!" Link exclaimed at the exact same time.

"Wait, what?"

"What?"

"Uh… never mind that. MY MIND! IT MAKES IDEAS! I JUST REALIZED THAT FLEDGE COULD KNOW MORE STUFF TOO! I mean, doesn't he remember things super well to the point where it's creepy?!"

"We _still_ don't know if she was actually kidnapped," Sali said, seeming to appear between them. "Everyone's just being paranoid."

"KNIGHT ACADEMY CHILDREN! WOULD YOU LIKE YOUR FORTUNES TOLD?" a voice off in a short distance shouted to get their attention. "I WILL TELL THEM FOR FREE BECAUSE I'M A NICE PERSON!"

"Oh boy. There goes the wacko fortune teller," Sali grumbled.

"OOH! FREE?" Nami said excitedly, running over to the little fortune teller's spot. "COME ON GUYS! Why not?"

Link and Sali came over, Sali rolling her eyes as she did so.

"I shall foretell something for each of you," the fortune teller explained. "You may choose to believe me, or not! But I shall do it!"

They all watched as the short fortune teller closed his eyes, Nami notably more excited about this than her teammates.

"I SEE IT!" the fortune teller exclaimed after a short while. "The miss with the blue hair… yes, the girl who loves to fly! Your future is complex… but shall be great! Your own abilities, ones you currently have and shall gain, will aid you considerably! Never doubt them!"

"Cool," Nami said.

"As for the miss with the long hair… indeed, the highly skilled fighter! Your great capabilities and mental strength shall keep you standing on a great journey of personal growth. The path ahead may be rocky, but it is nothing you cannot handle!"  
Sali rolled her eyes again.

"And this young man, here…" the fortune teller continued, "you have a great destiny before you. Even greater than one could possibly imagine! But it will not be a simple task. There will be many struggles! But do not lose faith in your ability to overcome them. That is all I have to say! You may continue on with your regular life now." The fortune teller took a sandwich out from behind him and began eating it.

"Tch, what a waste of time," Sali grumbled, walking away.

"It was free," Nami reminded her. "What were we doing again?"

"Getting potions?"

"Right."

The three of them walked over to the potion stand, which was on the opposite side from the equipment store.

"Hello! How can I help you today?" the lady there asked.

"Yeah, which one of these is for injuries?" Sali questioned.

"Hold on a sec, I'm gonna go over to that item check place," Link told his team. "I'm not gonna carry around the old shield, even with this magic pocket thing." He walked over to the said place.

"For injuries?" the lady at the potion stand said. "That would be the red one right here. Cures injuries so fast it's like magic! Twenty rupees for a full bottle. I'll even toss in a free bottle with it!"

"Oh, well, I have one on me…" Sali began, taking the bottle out of her magic pocket. It was also quite magical that the bottle somehow did not break at any point.

"No, no! It's fine! You can take a free one," the lady insisted. "Red, you said?" Sali nodded. The lady took a bottle from a box behind the table and filled it up from the huge glass bowl filled with a red liquid right on display. "Here you go."

_**Sali got a Red Potion with a free bottle!**_

"By the way, what do the other potions here do?" Sali asked. Along the table, other than the bowl of red potion, there were also glass bowls with potions of other others; specifically, green, light blue, purple, and pale pink color.

"Oh! The green one right here is for stamina, and can help you get stronger faster! I like to call it… the Steroid Potion! The purple one is… well, so far, we know that it does a bit of healing. It's not as good as the red potion though. We know that it does something else, but we can't seem to figure out what."

"Uh…"

"And this blue potion, it's not really for healing. It makes you be able to hold your breath twice as long. My husband accidentally invented it one day. And this last one, while it's not done yet, we plan to create it to make the body stronger for a while, so that it literally takes less damage!"

"Um, thanks. I'll remember that." Sali walked off awkwardly, Nami following her.

After asking around the bazaar a bit more, they only found that nobody knew anything helpful. So they went back outside, trying to find more clues about the missing child.

"Hey! It's Orielle!" Nami exclaimed, noticing a brown-haired girl she knew off in the distance. "Let's go ask her if she knows anything." Nami ran towards the girl. "HEY HEY! OREO~!"

"Nami?" the brown-haired girl began as Nami got closer. "Hey! Where've you been all day? Now that I think of it… all three of you disappeared off somewhere."

"It's a bit personal," Nami told her. "Like, you know, related to the whole disappearance of Zelda thing…"

"Oh, it's fine, I totally understand. What's up?"

"You know anything the missing child?"

"You mean Kukiel? Oh… well, I don't really have much to say. There's this thing about how she was playing in the graveyard-"

"WHOA! That's a new bit of info," Sali pointed out. "What did I tell you guys! The kid's being a rebel. Can't believe she's already going into _that_ stage though."

"Well then we should look in the graveyard!" Nami said. "Maybe Kukiel is just hiding. Thanks, Oreo!" She and her teammates ran off in the direction of the graveyard.

"Uh… your welcome…" Orielle replied awkwardly.

* * *

"There's no way a kid could hide here to the point where everyone wonders where she is," Link said, looking around the relatively small graveyard. "It's just a graveyard."

"Maybe Kukiel turned this place over here into a secret base or something?" Nami suggested, standing next to a sliding door in a nearby short cliff, for a shack that was made into it.

"No way," Sali told her. "She would've been figured out so fast if it's that conspicuous. Unless people are just scared to go in there. What's in there again?"

Nami tried to open the sliding door, but it wouldn't budge. "Well… it doesn't open…"

"That just gives us a reason to get it open. Maybe the kid tied it shut from the inside so nobody could get in."

Sali walked over to the door and tried to open it like Nami did, but with no success. Link was about to go over and try to open it himself, but Sali's foot collided with the door first, knocking it down completely into whatever room was behind it.

"Wow. That actually worked," she stated. "Clearly the way that it slides open was just jammed."

There wasn't really anything behind it at all… except for a small room, with a hole in the floor with a ladder going down into a lower area. The three of them took turns climbing down the ladder, discovering a small open area where the floor was made of planks, since they were directly above the sky near the bottom of the massive rock that made up Skyloft. But since they were all used to flying already, none of them were even concerned about falling. If one of them did fall that person could just call his or her Loftwing.

At the end of the short bridges, there was a house. Nobody remembered this part of Skyloft even existing, so they were all very curious. But they were pretty sure this is where Kukiel was hiding, especially because they knew this wasn't here, and if she wasn't, they had no clue where she would be.

"Who the heck lives down here?" Sali wondered as they approached the door. Link knocked on it, and the three waited patiently. Twenty seemingly long seconds passed, and then the door slowly creaked open.

"… Heellloooo?" a deep voice began, opening the door enough for the team to see who had opened it.

The one behind the door was not quite anyone that the team could have expected.

"I think we found Groose's mom," Sali said.

"That is _not_ nice, Sali," Nami told her.

A very tall and strange creature stood before them, it being the one who opened the door. It was very tall, and resembled a goblin, except it had massive wings and blue-toned skin. It also wore a large black cloak. Needless to say, what the frick.

"Um…" Link started, "do you know anything about a missing child?"

"A missing child?" the 'monster' asked, raising an eyebrow. "I've heard nothing of the sort. Sure, I have been visited by a young child quite frequently as of late, but a missing child? Not a clue."

"Do you… know the kid's name?" Nami asked it.

"Erm… Kukiel?"

"Yep, that's the missing kid all right," Sali said. "How often she visit you? Clearly it's been enough for everyone to think that she's missing."

"Oh, I'm so, so sorry!" the monster apologized. "I didn't realize we were causing worry. You see, nobody ever visits me down here, in fact, I believe most of the humans don't even know I live down here. And whenever I show myself, I just cause a fright! But dear Kukiel has been very nice to me. I just lose track of time!"

"Mister?" a young child started, appearing in the doorway as well. "Oh! Hi Nami! And other people."

"Kuki!" Nami said, putting her hands on her hips. "You're old enough to keep track of time! I don't mean to be rude to this kind… man, but your mother has been so worried! She's going around telling everyone in Skyloft that you've disappeared and now people think that you got kidnapped!"

"I didn't realize it was that bad!" the monster person exclaimed. "I'm very sorry! Run along Kukiel, you need to get back to your mother! And make sure you tell her where you're going next time!"

"But… Mister…" Kukiel began. The monster gave her a look. "… All right…" Kukiel ran up to the ladder at the end of the bridges and climbed up.

"Well that's a problem solved," Sali said. She turned back to the monster person. "And now we have a whole new mystery."

"You're probably all very confused right now," the monster spoke. "I'm very sorry for any concern I have caused or am causing right now. You see, I just want to be human!"

"… And here we go with that."

"And so I shall explain to you my situation…" The monster person took a ukelele out of his cloak. "In song!"

"Oh geez…"

_What an unfortunate tale_  
_I'd try fixing it, but fail_  
_My problem's with the monster I appear as_  
_Just a look gives people frights, it leaves me in quite a plight_  
_My only wish is to become a human!_  
_Down here I have lived for many generations_  
_Scaring off the neighbors with my face_  
_But now many have forgotten that I live here, so it seems_  
_And with my loneliness, I've got a dream!_  
_I've got a dream, I've got a dream! I just want to be a human, it's my theme!_  
_All these people I can see, I want them to be friends with me_  
_Like many of you folks I've got a dream!_  
_NAA NA NA NA NA NA NA NAA NA NA-_

"Okay, okay, okay, we get it!" Sali told him. Nami frowned, because she thought the song was fun.

"But you know… there is one way that my dream could come true," the monster person said, putting the ukelele back into his cloak. "When you do nice things for people and they express their thanks, a item may generate called a Gratitude Crystal. Only few people can see them, but I believe that perhaps at least one of you might be able to! By the power of these Gratitude Crystals and the happiness and goodness in them, I might be able to become human!"

"So you're basically asking us to find these things for you?" Sali asked. "We kind of have a crammed schedule…"

"Well, you don't have to help me…"

"Doing nice things for people isn't _that_ time-consuming!" Nami said. "We might have a lot to do, but we'll try to help as best we can!"

"Really?! You would do that for me?! Thank you so much! Please, feel no need to rush! And I promise that your help will not go unrewarded! By the way, I am known as Batreaux; I don't believe my name was mentioned earlier."

"I'm Nami! It's nice to meet you! These are my friends Sali, and Link!"

"Hey… Link?" Sali started, looking at the said blond boy. "You all right? You haven't said anything for a while."

"Oh… I'm just… taking all this in," Link answered.

They all waved to Batreaux as they left, and then climbed back up the ladder to get back into the graveyard.

"Say, Nami, how do you know that kid?" Sali asked. "Like… does she just know you?"

"Oh, I babysit her a lot," the blue-haired girl answered. "I've been doing it for like… a year now? She's really familiar with me now."

"I guess you would be good with kids."

"Nah, I'm just lucky that Kuki isn't too much of a troublemaker. She's got a lot of energy, but she's well-behaved."

Sali laughed sheepishly. "I'd never be able to watch kids…"

"… Wow," Link began. "The sun's setting. It seems like that day went by really fast now that we've gotten to the end of it."

"Guess we're not continuing our search today…" Nami stated. "Though, I could most definitely use some sleep. You know, considering that thing about waking up in the middle of the night and not being able to go back to sleep afterwards."

"Oh wow… you say that and I suddenly feel even more tired," Sali said. "I almost somehow forgot about that. Sleep and wonderful bed, here I come, even though it's not even that late." She broke out into a sprint towards the Knight Academy.

"Wait for me!" Nami went running after her, laughing.

Link chuckled. "Sleep sounds good…" he said.

"Master, I highly recommend that you go and rest yourself."

"_GOOD GODDESSES FI_-"


	6. Awkward Conversation Count, a Lot

The Bizarre Saga: Skyward Sword  
Chapter 6: Awkward Conversation Count, a Lot

_Previously on the Bizarre Saga, Link wanted to take his bed with him, Sali kicked down a door, Nami accepted several side quests, Fi jump scared Link, and they ran into several interesting people, which included the creepy shop keeper, the fortune teller, and Batreaux, a monster-person who knew how to play the ukelele._

_Now for Chapter Six._

Night of the First Day.

While Link somehow fell asleep almost immediately, Sali and Nami both lay awake in their beds in their respective rooms, unable to.

"_I guess it's a good thing we're able to come back up here and sleep in our rooms…_" Nami thought, considering the whole day. "_It makes the whole thing a lot more comfortable, knowing we can come back up here and everything's still the way it always has been_."

"_What a rough day_," Sali thought, staring up at the ceiling in her room. "_It's hard to believe I almost died." _She sighed._ "I can't help but wonder what's going on with that guy right now…_"

"_Eric was his name, wasn't it_."

"_I need to become a lot stronger if I'm gonna face him again_."

"_I wonder if we'll ever see him again…_"

While the two of them both happened to be thinking of the same person at the same time, it was for very different reasons.

They both drifted off to sleep eventually, but Nami found herself waking up a couple of hours later.

"_I gotta use the bathroom_…" she thought, slowly climbing out of bed. She drowsily exited her room and made her way towards the woman's bathroom, only to find that it was locked, apparently being occupied. "_Oh come on… It's like two in the morning…_"

"S-sorry… I'll be a minute…" a voice spoke quietly from inside.

Nami groaned and leaned against a wall, impatiently waiting for whoever was in there. Not long after, the door opened and the girl inside scurried out and back to her nearby room, seeming slightly embarrassed.

"_… What's her name…_" Nami pondered for a moment. "_… Paige, that's what it is._" She had only barely caught a glimpse of the girl's face and long black hair, and with hardly any lighting on top of that, but Nami was gifted like that.

After the short bathroom break, the rest of the night was peaceful and everyone got a decent amount of sleep. Not even Groose's snoring echoed through the hallways. Apparently, he had actually remembered to close the door to his room that night. It was quite careless of him to leave it open, but pranks in the Knight Academy were against the rules, so nobody could take advantage of it.

The next morning at breakfast in the cafeteria, Link, Sali and Nami sitting at one table was a bit of an odd sight for everyone, considering that two days ago, they were hardly even acquaintances. First thing after getting food, they were approached by the cook of the school, a grumpy old lady.

"So! I heard from the headmaster that you three are going to be missing all classes for the next unspecified extended period of time!" the old chef lady said. "Good grief! Why make you three seniors if you're not going to attend class?!"

"We're saving the world," Sali answered, drinking orange juice casually. The old lady huffed and stormed off.

Off in a distance, some friends of Nami's sat at the table she would usually sit at, staring at the odd scene of the trio.

"Hey, why is she sitting over there rather than with us?" one of the girls whispered among her group.

"Apparently the headmaster's daughter vanished off somewhere," another girl answered, having a stereotypical popular girl voice. "I think they were gone all day yesterday looking for her. But I have _no_ idea what's up with the group."

"Guys, my other friends are staring at us," Nami pointed out.

"Troll them," Sali replied.

"What? I'm gonna tell them what the deal is! I don't wanna cause problems."

"Laaaame…"

Nami stood up from the table and made her way over to the other table that these girls were at. They all instantly turned their attention back to their food like nothing had happened.

"Hey guys, I know this is probably raising a lot of questions-" Nami started.

"Well _yeah_," that second girl interrupted her. "I would totally be rooting back here if you were just sitting with Link but why's Sali there, and _especially_ her of all people?"

"Let me finish! There's a bigger picture here, all right? Besides, Sali is really cool. You just have to give her a chance."

"So you'd rather hang out with her than us?"

"Dude, it's been like, one day. Listen. It's a big, complicated story involving destiny, the disappearance of Zelda, me, Link and Sali, and a lot of us three not being here."

"What? You can't tell us the whole story?" another girl asked.

"No! I can't! I don't know the whole story! So please, just understand and don't take this the wrong way."

"Nami," Sali started, grabbing the blue-haired girl's arm, "come on." She pulled Nami back to their table, scowling slightly at the other girls.

"Hey, what is it?" Nami asked her.

"Why do you even hang out with them?" Sali questioned. "Or, did. Whatever. It's like, they suddenly just dragged you into their group when they realized you were getting popular."

"Well, they've never mistreated me."

"What kind of friends don't even trust you?"

Nami sighed and went back to her food. "Sali, please. You don't know anything about this. If they were giving me problems, I would step out of it."

"Whatever… Forget I said anything," Sali mumbled. She looked in front of her to see Link snoozing away on the table. "HEY! WAKE UP!" She smacked him in the head.

"GEEZ! I'M AWAKE!" Link exclaimed, instantly getting up again. "What was that for?!"

"It's day! Be awake!"

"You can't just say that and expect me to magically not wanna sleep anymore!"

Meanwhile in the background…

"Oh my Din," one of the girls spoke. "Did Nami just get _dragged off_? She's the one who said it had only been a day."

"This might be worse than we thought. What if Sali is actually really _possessive_? Could she be actually _dangerous_?" another girl suggested.

Suddenly, Groose appeared at the end of the table. "Hello ladies," he tried to say seductively. "How would you like it if I sat here with you?"

"Ew," almost all of the girls said simultaneously.

LATER…

"Okay, first things first, before we fly out or anything, how are we gonna get down to the surface this time?" Link asked as they approached a flying dock outside.

"Well, we _could_ just go with the way we took last time," Sali answered. "I mean, it wasn't exactly painless, but it worked."

"What? No way!" Nami protested. "And that was us landing on grass! Don't you remember? I'm pretty sure Fi said _scorched earth_ when she was talking about this next location. Chances are, we won't be landing on grass this time!"

"Got any other ideas?"

"Come on, maybe with a bit of time, we can actually get our Loftwings to go below the clouds." Nami walked over to her waiting bird, who was already prepared to fly off with her. "Ebony? Please? It's not that bad below the clouds."

"Heck nuh!" the bird squawked.

"What the frick?" Sali and Link said at the same time.

"Your bird can _talk_?" Sali asked.

"Uh… sorta," Nami answered. "He's not quite like a normal Loftwing. You obviously know like, Loftwings can understand what we say? Well, he can repeat certain things, allowing small communication. But he usually doesn't, especially around other people."

"Well… what else? There has to be some way we can get below the clouds without risking bad injury," Link said.

"I dunno, ask Fi or something!" Sali told him. "She acts like such a know-it-all as it is."

"… No she doesn't. She's just trying to be as helpful as a soulless blue thing can be."

"Dude, you just mixed an insult with a compliment and it was weird," Nami pointed out. "Fi! Are you there?"

Fi emerged from the sword on Link's back almost immediately. "What is the problem?" she asked as robotically as ever.

"Do you have any idea how we're supposed to get below the clouds without hurting ourselves?" Nami asked her.

"Sorry, I did not find any matches for your search," Fi replied after about three seconds, before going back into the sword. By that point, none of them really questioned what she said anymore because it really didn't make sense sometimes.

"UGH!" Sali groaned in frustration. "Aren't you supposed to be actually helpful?!" She crossed her arms. "All right, really, if we can't think of anything else, we're just going to have to take the leap like we did last time."

"There _has_ to be another way!" Nami exclaimed. "Seriously! Getting down to the surface shouldn't be _this_ annoying!"

"What if it is? What if getting down to the surface _has_ to be annoying?"

"Excuse me, friends," a somewhat familiar voice began, near them. The team's attention was drawn to where it came from, it having come from Fledge, the creepy guy who gave them the magic pockets.

"Oh… uh, hi?" Nami said awkwardly.

"I overheard your conversation," he continued. "Don't worry, I already know the entire story. You three are trying to find out how to get to the surface without injuring yourselves, and I thought I might recommend something I thought of a moment ago." No one responded as he took out two folded cloths. "I have these two sailcloth replicas, and I thought, maybe if you three took a rope and connected yourselves in one way or another, then maybe you could get down to the surface at least a little bit more safely."

"Is that even gravity?" Sali asked. "We all have different weights."

"Sounds like it could work," Link said.

"Seriously…?"

Soon enough, they were flying out on their birds with a very long rope tied to each of their dominant wrists, the distance between them all being about forty feet. It was awkward to fly, but it wasn't going to be for very long.

"I still don't think this is going to work very well!" Sali yelled over the wind.

"It'll probably work better than the other plan!" Link shouted back over.

"All right everyone…" Nami started when they reached the red beam shooting out of a hole in the clouds. "On the count of three, we jump!"

"One…"

"Two…"

"THREE!"

In the end, Sali had been sort of right. It didn't go _perfectly_.

While it definitely worked better than their the other method, soon after jumping off, they obviously ended up uneven and Link dragged them all down faster than they would have fallen individually, him being the heaviest. This resulted in it very difficult to get the cloths out to break the fall, and it only getting easier after Link had landed, but by that point, Nami and Sali, tied on his two sides, were already the forty feet from the ground. Basically, it was easier for Link to land than for them.

"Well that _sort of_ worked," Sali said after a slightly rough landing.

"Uuuuugh…" Nami whined. "It's so hot here…"

Fi promptly appeared in front of them. "This is the Eldin Volcano," she explained as the team examined the scorched area around them. "It is an active volcano rich with the power of the earth."

"Active volcano?" Link asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Approximately 65% of this region is covered by lava. It is inhabited by a large number of creatures that thrive in the extreme heat and direct flame. Please exercise caution with flammable materials such as wood and fabric." Along with the rocks and cliffs everywhere, there was indeed rivers of lava flowing from the top of the mountain.

"Oh for the love of Nayru," Sali grumbled. "Can we get away from fire for a while?"

"In the event that you catch on fire, I highly recommend that you extinguish the flames by rolling." And that was her last statement before disappearing into the sword again.

"Well this is obnoxious. One of our enemies _uses_ fire."

"Potential _not_ enemy," Nami said quietly.

"How is there even a spring here? It's so hot that all the water would just evaporate. In fact, I don't see any at the moment!"

"… Okay, this sounds like a really horrible plan," Link stated. "We're expected to go merrily leaping around over _lava_?"

"ALL RIGHT, THAT'S THE LAST ONE!" some unfamiliar voice yelled out. The trio peeked over to where it came from, to see some unfamiliar dog-like creatures in front of a bridge, halfway in the ground.

"Bruh, what is the point of this?" another creature of the same type asked the first. "We literally dig everywhere. What's the pointa building bridges all over?"

"I just had this random feeling, y'know? Felt pretty precarious to just go makin' people jump over lava and all that," the first responded.

"Dude, nobody ever comes here," the second told him.

"I had this feeling that it was somethin' we hadda do."

So apparently, over most of the gaps in the entire volcano, these creatures had built bridges. It certainly raised questions as to how many of these creatures there were or how long it took.

"… Wow," Nami said. "The fact that they would be willing to spend all that time doing something they don't know the reason for is kind of amazing."

"Frighteningly convenient as well," Sali added.

"I don't think it's a coincidence…"

"Hey, uh, Nami, can you search for Zelda again?" Link asked.

"Oh, yeah, sure," she answered. Her eyes went violet again, and she looked around for a little while before they changed back to normal. "Seems like she's already pretty far up the mountain, if not already in the temple. See, I get a location pinpoint. I don't get to see around the mountain."

"Then we need to hurry, don't we."

"Probably."

After walking for a few minutes, they came across another one of those creatures, one with emo hair, who casually told them about how to use bomb flowers, an explosive plant. They used the flowers to blow up a few walls to reveal the new path, after which they continued on.

Even though there _were_ bridges with safety rails built everywhere, it wasn't exactly safe. Not only because of how nerve-wracking it would be to be crossing over lakes of lava on a searingly hot mountain (the tunnels were even worse), but also partially because of the flaming bats that were somehow still perfectly alive. Sali killed all of them with rocks every time she saw them to make sure they didn't cause too much trouble.

"This place sucks…" Nami complained, wiping sweat from her face. "And we've only been here for like twenty minutes…"

"Trust me, Nami, we're not enjoying this either," Sali told her, shaking out her right arm. After everything she'd taken out by throwing rocks, it was starting to hurt.

"Hey, it's another one of those guys," Link pointed out, referring to one of the dog-like creatures. It was halfway out of a hole in the ground, looking like it had just dug over.

"What the?" the creature started, turning around. "You guys ain't red pig things."

"Just have a quick question," Sali started before anyone else could. "Have you seen a girl, same species as us just to specify, with long blond hair anywhere?"

"The heck is a blond?"

"All right then, yellow. That clear anything up?"

"Yeah sure, but I never seen anyone like that. Saw a weird chick in a ninja costume, but I wouldn't really say she had long yellow hair."

"Ninja costume?" Nami said. "Well, unless Zelda has become a ninja since she fell to the surface, that's probably not her."

Some more obnoxious walking in the heat later, they reached a short tunnel that quickly turned into a direct drop. The three of them simply stared down into the hole they couldn't even see the bottom of.

"It's narrow," Link stated. "We should be able to just use the sailcloths to get down…"

"We gon get down bruh," Nami said for no reason.

"And since it's dark, there's no way there could be lava," Sali added.

"Oh Nayru, please tell me it's cooler down there," Nami mumbled. "WELL! WITH HIGH HOPES, I MAKE THE FIRST JUMP!" She leaped off the edge with the cloth in her hands.

"Whoa! Wait up!" Sali quickly jumped after her. Link soon followed.

Safe landing.

"OH THANK THE GODDESSES," Nami exclaimed, slamming herself dramatically against a wall. "IT'S SO MUCH BETTER DOWN HERE."

"Probably won't last for long," Sali grumbled.

"NO! NEGATIVITY IS NOT ALLOWED!"

"SSSHHHHHH!" Link suddenly hushed them… very loudly and dramatically. Nami instantly quieted down.

"What is it?" she asked.

"I'm eavesdropping on one of those dog creatures talking to himself," he answered, peeking around the corner to the next tunnel.

"Man, what a load of crap!" the creature said, all the way down the next tunnel. He had a bowl hair cut. "Stupid red pig things stormin' in and taking over the tunnels already!"

"Well, there's my cue," Sali began before stepping out from behind the wall before Link or Nami could say anything. "Hey, you over there!"

"Whoa! Who da frick are you?" the creature exclaimed.

"I'm the exterminator. Where are the red pig things?"

"Oh. They're right over there." The dog creature pointed to the tunnel on Sali's left and, sure enough, there were like thirteen red pig things in the clearing after it.

"_Oookaay_. That's a lot of red pig things."

Nami jumped up next to her. "Hey, guess what! I'm helpful now!" she said, her green transparent sword from chapter four appeared in her hand in a flurry of sparkles.

Sali's eyes instantly widened. "WHAT. WHEN DID THIS BECOME A THING."

"I forgot to tell you guys," Nami continued. "While you were both unconscious during the incident in the forest temple, I magically got this thing. I hardly used it though. Thankfully, the summon method stuck with me, and it wasn't just random."

"How do you forget to mention that you can make a sword appear out of no where?!"

"Because I wasn't thinking about it?"

"I think it would be a good idea to set aside smaller matters right now," Link said, as all of the red pig things had noticed them by now.

"It suddenly feels like there are way more of them…" Nami pointed out. "Is this even fair? This many against three?"

"They're weak," Sali reminded her. "You _do_ remember how to swordfight, right?"

"Of course I do! It's not like I only took one year of it!"

"You sounded like you were about to give a tutorial or something," Link told Sali. "Like, remember, yes or no, Nami says no and you spout a bunch of weird stuff about buttons."

"I'm a main character. I don't spout weird stuff about buttons."

Suddenly, they realized this conversation had become a bit peculiar.

"HEY LET'S KILL SOME STUFF?" Nami suggested to break the awkward silence.

Fi appeared in front of them, between them and the red pig things. "Master. Would you like me to play dramatic battle music from my internal music player?" she asked.

"No! That would be distracting!" Sali told her.

"Do it do it do it!" Nami exclaimed.

"Master Link?" Fi began, facing him.

"You can do that?" he asked.

"GRAFLEHBADURBLEHSCEH!" one of the red pig things exclaimed, holding its cleaver sword in the air. "PLEH! GRAHURBEDUR!" All of the other red pig things war-cried, held up their cleaver swords as well and started charging towards the team.

"Ugh! We don't have time for this!" Sali grumbled, charging towards battle. "COME ON, YOU GUYS! DON'T MAKE ME DO THIS MYSELF!"

"Yes, my lord," Link answered, bowing playfully.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Five minutes later, every red pig thing in the room had been defeated.

"All right, kill count," Sali started, "Six to me, two to Link, three to Nami, and two of them killed each other. No idea what that was about…"

"Seriously? I got the least?" Link spoke. "How did you even kill so many so fast?"

"Because I practice. A lot."

Link sighed. "You two are such practiceaholics."

"Or maybe we just wanna be the very best like no one ever was," Nami said. "It's a coincidence. Your teammates just so happen to be a little obsessed with being awesome."

"Or not a coincidence," Sali added.

"Whoa, guys! That was sick!" the dog creature from earlier exclaimed from a distance. "You weren't jokin'! Hey, come over here! I'll give you somethin' in return!" The team came back to him. "I don't blame ya for not knowin' this, but us Mogmas always honor our debts! Any requests?"

"It didn't look like there were any other paths to take around here," Link told him. "How can we get past here?"

"Ah, yeah! There ain't any down here that you folks would be able to take, but not for long! These things are pretty special, if I do say so myself!" The Mogma handed him an object.

_**Link got the… car keys?**_

"Uh…" he began. "what…?"

"Super awesome thing I'm handin' over to you," the Mogma said. "Just press the green button on the remote, and you got yourself a super-powered drill vehicle. It's a long story involving my super genius sister, the desert and a crazy old lady, but I'm handin' it over to you guys cuz us Mogmas still like doin' things the old fashioned way."

The trio blinked simultaneously.

"You guys should just try it out! But just so ya know, the vehicle is pretty big, so make sure ya press the button in an open area. It's not huge, but better to be safe than sorry. By the way, the path forward _can_ just be gotten through using that shovel over there. Dig in suspicious spots! See ya later!" The Mogma burrowed into the ground and was gone.

The team's eyes trailed over to the shovel rested against the wall nearby.

"I don't even know what to say," Sali stated.

"I think this is better off left not being talked about," Link told her, putting the keys into his magic pocket.

"Good plan…"

* * *

Ultimately, they didn't even have to use what was described to them as a strange drill contraption by the Mogma creature in that cave, as digging in suspicious spots with the shovel got them through the entire cave area, thanks to the bursts of wind that shot out of some of the holes after they dug in them.

As they proceeded through the cave further, the hot air slowly began to return, annoyingly enough. Then they reached the outdoors.

"Uuuugh…" Nami groaned, brushing her bangs out of her face. They didn't fall back down normally. "It was good while it lasted…"

"Hey, you guys!" an unfamiliar Mogma exclaimed, off in a distance. "I was hearin' something about some unfamiliar creatures scalin' the mountain! Word's spread pretty quick. I saw another one of your kind goin' that way a second ago!" He pointed to his right. Meaning their left.

Link's eyes widened. "Seriously?!" he exclaimed, running ahead. Sali and Nami quickly followed him.

"WHOA! HOLD UP!" the Mogma yelled at them, and they skidded to a stop just near him. "The crazy person jumped over this massive gap that used to be a bridge, but got closed and only opens on that side!" The trio looked over, seeing what clearly was a gap that once had a bridge connecting one side to the other. The opposite side had a giant arch on it.

"Whoa. Okay then," Nami said, staring at the frightening river of lava the bridge would be crossing over.

But then, all of a sudden, the bridge came out from the other side. The hero's eyes went up, and they saw a lady they had never seen before standing on top of the arch, apparently the one who caused the bridge to open.

"You, chosen heroes," she called out. On closer inspection, she looked like she was wearing some sort of ninja costume, and a long cloak that covered up the entire left side of her body and her mouth and neck. But not her right side, for some reason. "Zelda is ahead. Hurry." And with that, she ninja'd away.

"I have no idea who that is but I'm going this way if anyone was planning on asking," Link told his teammates.

"We figured," Nami and Sali said at the same time.

* * *

After walking some more distance up the mountain, and up an obnoxiously steep hill, they reached some sort of red pig thing camp, directly on their right from climbing the hill. The small number of red pig things there immediately noticed the team's presence, and charged without coordination. It was by this point that all three team members realized that these things weren't very good at fighting.

After all of the ones in the campsite, Sali noticed another red pig thing standing on top of a tall tower precariously built right in front of a cliff. From the cliff, there was another ledge behind it with a large tunnel, and that was the only direction to go, so without the consent of her teammates, Sali picked up a nearby bomb flower and blew up the base of the tower, both knocking it over completely and killing the red pig thing that had been on top of it. The tower covered the gap, providing a makeshift bridge.

"The heck did you just do?" Nami asked.

"I opened the path," Sali answered, sheathing her sword. "We can use the tower as a bridge now."

"That sounds kind of dangerous."

"We'll be fine."

Considering the tower was seven by seven feet at the base, the task was quite intimidating, but they made it over.

And then they had to climb a giant wall of vines.

"UGH OH MY DIN I HATE SCALING MOUNTAINS…" Nami complained again, obviously much more enthused by her negative opinion on the situation by then.

"AHH! GIANT ORANGE JELLY BLOB JUMPSCARE!" Sali screamed as a creature pretty much summed up by that description somehow appeared right out of the ground. She flailed her sword around until the blob was no longer anywhere to be seen.

"Oh come on! There are a bunch of red pig things all along this super steep hill and they look like they're gonna roll boulders down to try and get us away," Link pointed out.

"Well that's rude," Sali responded.

Along the steep hill were several wooden structures, for flat spaces to stand on the hill. They had a few red pig things on them standing on guard, while the ones at the very top were going to throw boulders down. The hill was very steep and lengthy, so there was no way even Sali's rocks of death could reach any of them. Even so, her arm hurt a lot by then from all of the rock-tossing she had been doing that whole time.

"How are we supposed to get them out of the way?" Nami asked.

"Well I can't reach any of them from here," Sali told her. "But if we got up to that first level of platforms and got rid of those sentry guys, I could probably get the rest of them with the slingshot."

"Oh, I'm really sorry about that," Link said, taking the slingshot out. "I probably should've given you this earlier so you didn't strain your arm so much."

She took it. "Uh… it's fine…"

The exchange was extremely awkward for some reason.

"A-Anyway, raid on the red pig things!" Sali announced before she started racing up the steep hill. Link and Nami looked at each other before racing up after her.

After taking out the two red pig things on the closest platforms, Sali fired the slingshot up at the next highest, and ran up and finished those two before taking out the last three at the very top of the hill. She made it up a bit sooner than Link and Nami, and when they did make it up to the top, Sali was sitting on the ground, panting much more heavily than they were.

"You okay there?" Nami asked her.

"I am so fricking out of breath right now," she said, breathing between sets of words. "Can we rest for a minute?"

"I honestly don't blame you." Nami sat down on the ground as well, catching her breath. She wasn't exactly as in shape as Sali, since her main skill, flying, didn't require as much physical strength.

"I would definitely just faceplant right now if it weren't for the fact that it would hurt like heck," Link added, sitting down as well.

The area they had just reached looked a bit different from the others. They had finally reached the ancient temple, and pillars and arches of the same age were everywhere, as well as the ground being made of stone tiles.

"We got any water?" Sali asked. "I'm all out."

"Uh… me too…" Nami told her.

Fi appeared out of Link's sword near them. "It is important that you stay hydrated," she said. "If you need to return to the sky, there is a bird statue right over there. After you have found one, you can return to it at any time, so you do not have to be concerned about scaling the mountain again."

"How does that work…?" Sali questioned. "We just fell down to that other spot on our way here."

"It is like a magnet," Fi continued. "If you know where you wish to go, then you will fall towards that statue. For example, this area can be as labeled the exterior of the temple."

"Well… it would have been nice to know that earlier, but I guess it's good we know it now…"

"Guys, don't worry," Link told them. "We don't have to go back up to the sky. I brought a ton of water. Like… a_ lot_." He took out two bottles of water and gave it to his companions.

"Yay! Link is prepared," Nami cheered, gladly accepting the water.

Suddenly they heard voices speaking off in a distance. Two Mogmas were having a conversation about something that sounded important, so the team decided to eavesdrop.

"Yo, Ted, I can't believe those red pig things busted up the key to the temple and hid 'em all over the place," one of the Mogmas said. "How're we supposed to get the treasure now?"

"Dude, you stupid or somethin'? We dig in!" the other Mogma told him. "And you're supposed to be the smart one, Ledd!"

A laugh track was heard in the background.

"Aw man! My reputation got damaged again!" Ledd exclaimed. Another laugh track was heard. "Well, whateva. Let's go get us some treasure!" The two Mogmas dug into the ground.

"… What the heck was that," Sali said.

"I'm done questioning this place," Nami stated. "I've lost count of the weird or oddly convenient things that've happened."

"You guys ready to go?" Link asked them.

"Go find a bunch of pieces of a key to the temple?" Sali questioned, standing up. "Doesn't sound too enjoyable, but it's not like we have a choice."

"Would've been nice if we had a lead of some kind," Nami said with a sigh, rising as well.

"Nami! What are you talking about? You can dowse for things!"

"I can't do it that easily, nor do I even have a firm grasp on how it works. I can't just go like 'where are a bunch of pieces of a key' and magically know where they all are."

"Miss Nameya," Fi began, "I advise that you take into consideration the possibility that the key is made of the same material as the lock on the temple's entrance." She then went back into the sword again.

"Oh! Thank you. Now I just need to figure out how exactly to dowse for something else." She closed her eyes and started walking slowly into the open area in front of the temple. "Pieces of the key, pieces of the key…"

"You mean this key?"

Nami's eyes shot open as they all suddenly heard another voice. The trio looked over to see who had said it, and couldn't believe their eyes.

Eric.

And surely enough, he was holding some strange metal object that was in the same shape as the lock on the temple. It didn't look anything like a normal key, but they could tell that was it.

"… H…Hi?" Nami began slowly.

"Hey," he answered.

"You," Sali said darkly, reaching for her sword. Link grabbed her hand to indicate that she should wait, getting him from her a look like he's crazy. After all, Eric had almost killed both of them.

"Uh… What's up?" Nami asked.

Eric didn't say anything, but he bit his lip and looked away, as if nervous. He then tossed the key to her, which she stumbled to catch.

Nami looked at him with wide eyes. She opened her mouth to say something, but Eric held his hand up, making her flinch.

"Not a word," he said before disappearing into flames.

"… What's up with him…" Nami wondered, perplexed by this.

Sali scowled, turning her head away. She didn't trust him in the slightest. Link felt a little uncomfortable as well.

But Nami approached the door of the temple and put the key into the empty shape of the same size. The lock spun, and the bar sealing the door lifted up. The key was genuine.

"If the key was really broken into pieces, then…" Nami started, "that means he must have gotten all the pieces for us…"

She turned back to her teammates.

"What's the view now, guys?"


	7. Truth of Destiny, or Something

**I'm bored, so random question time! **

**Leave a review telling me who your favorite character(s) in the whole series is(are). I'm curious to see what you guys have to say!  
**

**And tell me who you'd like to see drawn! That'd be cool too.**

**My favorite character in the series is probably Saria, well, among the characters that have appeared so far. My actual favorite character has yet to appear in the series and won't be for a really, really long time, sadly.**

* * *

The Bizarre Saga: Skyward Sword  
Chapter 7: Truth of Destiny, Or Something

_Previously on the Bizarre Saga, Link got some car keys, Sali killed some stuff AGAIN, Nami complained a lot but I can't really blame her, Fi was being as helpful as a soulless blue thing could be, everything was awkward, and lava was being scary._

_Now for Chapter Seven._

The second they entered the dungeon, all three of them started making sounds of extreme displeasure and annoyance.

"WHYYYY?!" Nami screamed, and that word transitioned into loud, over-dramatic wailing. It echoed all around the large lava-filled cave room. "WHY MUST WE SUFFER LIKE THIS!"

"No one said doing our job would be easy…" Sali grumbled.

"IT FEELS LIKE AN OVEN IN HERE! Is this even healthy?!'

They all trudged forward into the clearing of the room, and they were already faced with stupidity. The temple didn't have bridges in it. They were expected to go merrily leaping over lava on precarious platforms. And let's not forget about the stupid burning bats that were flying all around the room.

"Hey, what does this lever do?" Link wondered. Sali and Nami quickly turned their heads, and Link was already pulling some random lever attached to the ground.

"IDIOT DON'T JUST GO-" Sali started, jumping towards him, when suddenly the temperature of the entire room changed.

Pulling the lever had frozen the entire room. In a split second, ice was in place with the lava, and any lava that had been flowing out of the wall no longer was.

"Well that's not normal," Nami said.

"Master," Fi began, appearing in front of them, "It appears that a new function has been added to the temple since my sources were last updated. In order to keep out trespassers, the temple owners have installed a new system in the temple. Due to the fact that the majority of creatures that live on this mountain are adapted to survive in extreme heat, they cannot last long in low temperatures."

"So you're saying that they put this in to keep things out?" Sali asked.

"That is correct, Miss Sali."

"W-Well this is better than the heat by a long shot, but you gotta agree that it's really cold now right…?" Nami pointed out, furiously rubbing her bare shoulders. "At least you guys have sleeves…"

Sali took a thick black shawl of sorts out of her magic pocket and tossed it to Nami. "It's my junior shawl," Sali told her. "I thought it was a good idea to bring it for some reason, and I guess it was."

Nami slipped it over her head, as the ends were connected. "It's so thug," she stated.

"Naturally."

After that, they tested the platforms to see if they were safe to walk on, and sure enough, they were, and didn't even budge an inch when someone stepped on one. The ice looked relatively sturdy as well, as if safe to walk on, but they weren't going to take any chances unless they had to.

But, their progress was quickly halted, as after about two minutes of platform hopping, they were met with a closed drawbridge.

"How are we supposed to open it?" Nami asked, scanning the area.

"Looks like these contraptions have something to do with it," Link said. To their right and to their left were two gear contraptions with ropes in them. He and Sali went in the two directions and cut the ropes, hoping it would open the bridge, but it only opened it partially.

"Oh come on, what are we missing?" Sali complained.

"That one?" Link suggested, pointing to another one. It was attached to the wall right next to the door, in a hole in the wall, about thirty feet off the ground. Needless to say, it was way too far for any of them to reach.

"How the heck are we supposed to reach that? The rope is way too thick to just be taken out by the slingshot."

They thought for a little while, when suddenly something interrupted that. A strange, insect-looking mechanism flew through the air, through the hole in the wall, and sliced the high-up rope on contact, before it flew back through the hole. The bridge slowly opened the rest of the way after the rope had been cut.

"… What even?" Sali said.

They all ran over the into the next room as soon as the bridge was down, in hopes to see the source of the strange occurrence. But there wasn't any trace of where it could have come from.

"Was that thing alive?" Link wondered.

"I don't think so," Nami responded. "It didn't really look alive…"

"And the fact that flew straight into a wall doesn't make the idea of it being alive particularly convincing either," Sali pointed out. "It was almost like it was being controlled."

"By someone?"

"And based on that, since we don't see it, that means whoever was controlling it was in here and ran off before we got in. That thing was moving too slowly for us not to be able to catch it flying around after that short time." Sali paused. "But you know, I guess it's just a theory."

"A GAME THEORY!" A Mogma they barely recognized as one of the two in the conversation they were eavesdropping on earlier (Ted?) suddenly popped out of the ground behind them.

"Uh, hi?"

"Sorry to interrupt, I just had to say that." The Mogma burrowed back into the ground.

Everyone blinked.

"Master, I sense traces of powerful enemies in this room," Fi randomly stated in this momentary silence. "They were large reptilian creatures, but since they cannot provide their own body heat as cold-blooded creatures, they had to exit the temple."

"… Good to know?" Link answered slowly.

They looked around the room in front of them. It was even larger than the last room, and a huge sheet of ice, what used to be lava, covered about half of it, and was directly in front of them. A gigantic tribal mask was also frozen into it for some reason.

"Seems like the ice is safe to walk across," Sali stated, already standing on the ice.

"I think we should take turns," Nami suggested. "For safety reasons."

"Wouldn't it be a better idea to just all go in different spots not walk on the same path?" Link said.

The ice turned out to be safe to walk on regardless of any sort of pattern. It was strange, considering the team thought there was boiling lava below it, but regardless, it was safe.

The next little while was more or less uneventful, with the occasional switch needing to be pushed or pressed, a few bats being annoying, and a bit of platforming. They ran into the other Mogma (Ledd) from that conversation in the last chapter, who said that he had lost his bomb bag, something for carrying bomb flowers, and asked them to help him find it, mentioning something about red pig things and other monsters showing up and being scary.

After blowing up some boulders clogging off a tunnel with nearby bomb flowers, they proceeded into the next room which actually had a door. Inside the room was the bomb bag inside a treasure chest (for some reason), so they went back to return it to the Mogma who said he had lost it.

"Hey, you know where we can get one of these things?" Link asked. "It would be really convenient to be able to carry bombs around and not just rely on the plants."

"Oh right! I just remembered!" Ledd exclaimed. "I have a spare!"

Dead silence.

"You know what, just keep that one. This one is nicer anyway." He dug into the ground.

"… What the actual frick," Sali spoke.

Ledd then jumped out of the ground again. "Forgot to tell you something! The thing's probably empty, so if you want to stock it up, you gotta pick bomb flowers and put them in it. Don't worry, bomb flowers don't blow up until you throw them anyway." THEN he left.

"Uh… well, there were some over there…" Nami said, pointing to the area they had found the bomb flowers earlier. So they went to go get some before moving on.

* * *

The next bit of the dungeon was easy to pick up on. The layout basically had them walking most of the time, some climbing and jumping, solving puzzles here and there, and the occasional need to kill some red pig things, which apparently were not affected by the temperature change like the other monsters. But since those monsters had been in the forest as well, it became apparent that they weren't bound to certain environments.

"What the heck?" Link started.

"What is it?" Sali asked him.

"Were those bats… glowing blue last time we saw them?"

"Glowing blue?"

The girls looked up at the ceiling, and like Link said, the bats were glowing blue. And they hadn't been previously.

"I think they turned into ice bats," Nami said. "I guess they're not as normal as they look."

"How is that even possible?" Sali asked. "They're either frozen or not. There is no in-between state that causes physical harm to something it makes contact with."

"Magic? Maybe they got enchanted while we weren't here. Or they're enchanted to fit certain places, or something like that."

Since the bats were ignoring them for once, the trio decided to leave them alone.

Because the temple was frozen over, several things that normally would have been problems weren't anymore, such as some tunnels that would have been entirely lava as ground. They weren't exactly sure whether they were supposed to go down those tunnels or not, as those paths could very well have ended in fountains for lava to escape the temple, but it turned out they were going the right way after all.

"How the heck would we have gotten over the lava?" Sali wondered.

"The better question is why that lever exists in the first place," Link said. "This is a volcano. Because creatures that live in the heat had settled here, that means that the lever hasn't been pulled for at least a long time."

"I wonder if the whole mountain froze…" Nami spoke.

The remainder of the dungeon pretty much followed the same pattern as before. Well, there were a lot of annoying steep inclines to walk up, and one part were they had to dodge some smallish boulders rolling down one of these inclines, but until they reached the room right before the boss room, that was mostly it.

"Do we like… have a key for that?" Nami asked. "It has a weird giant lock on it…"

"It looks like there could be something up there," Link said, pointing up to the top of another steep incline to their left.

"Uuuuuuuggghhhh…"

Fi appeared in front of them. "Master, I am detecting what seems to be a key at the top of that incline," she stated. "I can confirm that this is the second to last room inside this temple, the final room being located behind that door."

"You know what, I'm just going to go up," Link spoke. "You guys wait down here."

"Yay…" Nami said, sitting down on the cold ground.

At the top of the incline was a large treasure chest. Link opened it, and there was in fact the boss key. Or rather, some kind of dragon statue that twisted around in a strange way. But it looked about the shape of the lock, so he took it.

"Master, I am detecting that you set a trap off," Fi pointed out. Link's eyes widened. "If you remain in this spot for approximately seven seconds and do not proceed back down the incline, the boulder that will come out of the dragon's mouth above you will pass over your head. My calculations determine that it will then roll to the bottom, proceed off the slope and land in the open mouth of the other dragon statue below."

Link stayed completely silent as the seven seconds passed. Soon, the said boulder came out of the dragon's mouth, flew over his head, and basically did exactly what Fi said it would. After the boulder landed in the second dragon statue's mouth at the bottom of the incline, it closed its mouth. Somehow.

"WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT?!" Sali shouted up way from the bottom. The room was very echoey, so it was easy to hear her.

"JUST DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT!" Link yelled back down. He pressed a random button which covered the slope with ice, and sat down and slid down to the bottom.

"That looked fun," Nami stated.

"It was cold," Link answered.

"WHY WAS THERE A BOULDER?!" Sali demanded.

"Okay, look, taking the key set off a trap, but Fi told me about it right on time and I was safe from it. All right? You can calm down now."

Sali took a deep breath and let it out harshly.

"Okay. Whatever. Let's just go," she said.

The ground shook slightly.

"Whoa, did you feel that?" Nami asked.

"It's probably nothing to worry about too much," Link told her.

After trying to get the dragon statue key into the lock for three minutes, they were finally able to open the door.

They climbed a spiraling staircase with short steps, and reached a larger area. The boulder that had landed in the dragon's mouth was now rolling down an area that looked like bones far above their heads.

Fi appeared again. "Master, I am detecting that this chain here has some significance," she said, floating over to a broken chain attached to the ground. "It appears that Zelda was once bound to this."

"… How do you know that?" Nami asked her.

"I can identify the hair on the ground near it as belonging to Zelda."

"… Huh."

They continued on for about twenty seconds before they were stopped in their tracks.

"WELL WELL FRICKING WELL!"

It was Ghirahim, on the far, far end of the room, looking very irritated. He was standing on top of a dragon statue's head. Although he was standing there the whole time, they couldn't see him because of how far it was.

"HOW ARE YOU ALL STILL ALIVE?!" he shouted. "ERIC!"

Eric teleported in next to him. "… Y-Yes, master…?" he said slowly.

"How are they still alive?! You said you finished them off!"

"I, uh… I thought I did… I mean, they looked pretty dead."

"DON'T PLAY CASUAL WITH ME, ERIC! I TOLD YOU TO KILL THEM ALL! HOW HARD IS IT TO MAKE SURE SOMEONE'S DEAD?!"

"Well maybe I'm just not a ruthless maniac who bathes in blood on a regular basis…"

"EXCUSE ME?! ARE YOU BEING _SASSY_ WITH ME, ERIC?! I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS! GO SOMEWHERE ELSE! I'M GOING TO SEND SOMETHING THAT WILL DESTROY THEM ALL FOR SURE!"

Eric sighed and teleported away.

Ghirahim continued talking. "AND IN THE MEANTIME… I SHALL GO AND REAPPLY MY MAKE-UP!"

"YOU'RE DOING THIS AGAIN?!" Sali yelled from the bottom of the room.

"THIS THING WILL KILL YOU ALL FOR SURE, AND I'M FAIRLY CERTAIN I SMEARED MY EYELINER EARLIER, SO I'M NOT GOING TO WASTE MY TIME HERE. AS FRUSTRATED AS I AM RIGHT NOW, I HAVE PRIORITIES."

"ARE YOU ALWAYS FRUSTRATED?"

"ARE YOU ALWAYS OBNOXIOUSLY SARCASTIC?"

"MOST OF THE TIME, YEAH."

"HMPH!" Ghirahim flipped his hair. "WHATEVER! BUT I AM NOT ALWAYS FRUSTRATED, I'M JUST HAVING A FEW PROBLEMS WITH THE UNIVERSE RIGHT NOW. FOR YOU SEE, THAT STUPID GODDESS-SERVING DOG SNATCHED THE SPIRIT MAIDEN OUT OF MY GRASP _AGAIN_. I MUST HAVE THE GIRL TO RESURRECT MY MASTER! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW ANNOYING THIS IS?!"

"HOW IS FIXING YOUR MAKE-UP MORE IMPORTANT THAN THAT?"

"IT'S NOT! I SAID IT'S MORE IMPORTANT THAT I FIX MY EYELINER THAN IT IS I SIT HERE AND WATCH YOU DIE. BY THE WAY, WHY IN THE WORLD DID THE ENTIRE TEMPLE SUDDENLY BECOME AN ICE DUNGEON?"

"THERE WAS A LEVER AT THE ENTRANCE."

"IS THAT SO? WELL, I DIDN'T SEE IT. BUT NO MATTER! MY VOICE IS GETTING TIRED FROM ALL THIS TALKING IN CAPS SO I'M JUST GOING TO SUMMON MY PET TO KILL YOU AND I'LL LEAVE."

Ghirahim teleported away, and then the massive dragon statue he was standing on opened its mouth, and the giant boulder from earlier came out of it. Everyone jumped out of the way (fortunately there was space for it to pass), and when the boulder reached the bottom, it seemed to hit something with kicked up a cloud of dust. When the dust cleared, the boulder's surface had broken up, and then it sprouted six lone, fiery, reptile-like legs. Part of it then opened up, revealing a mouth with an interior that looked like lava. And then it burst into flames, if its introduction wasn't dramatic enough. The heat from the monster began to melt the coats of ice in the area around it.

"This isn't going to be fun, is it," Link mumbled.

The monster let out a roar before it started charging up the hill towards them.

"GUYS. WHAT THE FRICK DO WE DO," Nami said with incredible concern.

"BOMBS. IN ITS FACE," Sali answered without much thought, and then chucked a bomb in the monster's face, since she was holding onto the bomb bag. The rock monster rolled back down the hill as a result, lost its flames, and began inhaling in a vacuum-like manner.

"Throw another one!" Link told her.

"Way ahead of you!" Sali threw another bomb at it, and the monster accidentally inhaled it, stunning itself, and blowing up some of its rock cover, revealing a giant eye. Sali charged over and drove her sword straight into it, the monster wailing in pain in response. It shook her off in desperate attempt to remove the blade, but it only shook _her_ off, and the sword stayed in place. "Well frick. I need that."

As terrifying as the monster was, the rest of the battle was exactly the same. Sali just threw bombs at the monster whenever it came towards them and when it started inhaling, and they could attack while it was stunned. Sali even retrieved her sword fairly easily. Soon enough, the monster's entire rock cover was gone, and everyone attacked the eye as hard as they could. After one last hit, it fell to the ground and exploded, leaving a heart container behind.

Everyone took a deep breath.

"Haha… That guy really underestimated us, huh?" Nami said.

"Normal people don't carry explosives around," Sali replied with a laugh.

"Quick, let's go," Link told them, picking up the heart container. When he picked it up, everyone felt perfectly fine again, and was able to catch their breath. It was pretty cool.

_**Link got the Heart Container! Yay.**_

At the top of the hill was another glowing golden door, just like the one from the last temple. It even disappeared just like the last one they saw.

The spring on the other side of the door was incredibly similar to the one at the forest temple, except they were surrounded by cave walls, the sunlight shining through a hole in the ceiling. A thick fog coated the edges of the room. And even though the entire rest of the temple was frozen over, this room was completely unaffected.

But nobody noticed the details, because Zelda could be seen on the opposite side of the room, with another woman, who was in fact the woman in the ninja outfit from earlier, except she wasn't wearing her cloak. It looked like Zelda was finishing a ritual of sorts, because right when the team entered, a bright light appeared near Zelda and the woman.

The ninja woman held her hand towards the light, as if beckoning Zelda to enter. Zelda began to take steps towards it, not noticing the team at the entrance of the room.

"ZELDA!" Link called out.

She turned around in surprise, and noticing Link, her expression turned to joy. She began to run towards him, but the ninja woman held her hand in front of her.

"You cannot go to him, Your Grace," the ninja woman told Zelda. "Remember what we discussed. Restrain yourself. Focus on the task at hand."

Zelda's smile faded, and with a sigh, she shook her head and turned around. "… I'm sorry, Link. And Nami… and, uh, Sali. I have to go."

"WHOA THERE. HOLD ON. WHAT," Nami said. "ANSWERS. PLEASE."

Zelda disregarded her and stepped into the light. It enveloped her, and she disappeared. The trio began to run up the stairs towards the light, but the ninja woman turned towards them with a cold stare.

"You took far too long to get here," she told them harshly. "Looking at you three, the goddess might have mistaken her choice of agents. Perhaps she should have just picked one, and someone more competent."

"Excuse me?" Sali said.

"If this failure is of any indication, you have no hope of defending Her Grace from those who seek to assail her."

"What does being held back by a stupid temple have to do with defending Zelda?" Link asked. He sounded pretty annoyed, which was definitely not usual.

"Do my words anger you? Do they sting? Let them. If I had not come when I did, your Zelda would have already fallen into the hands of the enemy."

"Are you even listening? You probably just bypassed all the puzzles in the temple with your magical NPC powers." No one really paid attention his odd comment.

The woman kept talking, and it was getting quite annoying. "The truth of it is that you were late. You were late, and you failed to protect her. Listen well, chosen ones. If you wish to be of help to Her Grace, you must summon a shred of courage and face the trials laid out before you. Only one you've conquered them will you be of use to Zelda. No sooner. Am I understood?"

"Would you shut up and let me ask some incredibly important questions?" Sali snapped. "Why is exactly Zelda supposed to be down here on the surface to begin with? Why are we here? Everyone keep blabbing about destiny and we have no idea what the frick that means! The only task WE'VE been given so far is to find Zelda and bring her back to Skyloft! You're judging the ignorant, here!"

"… That will be for another time." The ninja woman stepped into the light, and disappeared. The light then faded afterwards, leaving no trace.

"UGHH!" Sali growled in frustration. "I'M DOING THIS FOR FREE! I COULD AT LEAST KNOW WHAT EXACTLY I'M DOING!"

"… Aren't you the one who said we were saving the world earlier today?" Nami asked.

"It made the old lady shut up."

By the time they had realized Link wasn't standing next to them anymore, he had already activated the floating indigo crest on the altar. As it rapidly spun, Fi appeared from his sword and hovered on the water.

"Master, I have another message written in the language of the gods of old," she spoke. "Allow me to translate for you."

Just like before, she began to dance on the water.

_From the edge of time I guide you,_  
_the ones destined to carry out the goddess's mission._  
_The spirit maiden who descended from the clouds has passed _  
_through the Earth Spring and makes her way to a fated place._  
_The parched desert of Lanayru… That is where the chosen _  
_will pass through the Gate of Time into a distant world._

After she finished, a piece of the tablet again flew out of the smaller goddess statue on the altar. Link took it and stuffed it into his adventure pouch without much consideration. He still looked a bit irritated from what happened before.

_**Link got the Amber Tablet!**_

"Master, it appears that Zelda has cleansed herself in the waters of this fountain. Based on the information from the message I just imparted, I project she is traveling to a region known as Lanayru. If you transport this tablet back to the statue in Skyloft, a new column of light will appear that will allow you to travel to the Lanayru region," Fi said.

"All right," Link spoke, turning around to face the girls, who had caught up. "We're going to find Zelda, and do it for real this time."

"… Now?" Nami asked. "But we've… we've just spent all day on this sweltering volcano. We aren't going to go back to Skyloft and go tomorrow? I mean… that woman must understand our need to rest, right? And all we've eaten since breakfast is random stuff we brought along, too."

"Well… I am really hungry," Sali stated. "What time is it?"

"It is nearing evening, Miss Sali," Fi told her.

"Dang… It's been a long day…"

"All right, all right, we'll go back," Link said.

* * *

When they reached the outside of the temple, to use the nearby bird statue that would send them back to the sky, they were again met with that familiar face, waiting for them outside the temple. It was Eric, again.

"So, you all survived, I see," he said.

"What do you want?" Sali asked.

"It's too bad you didn't make it to the girl in time. In fact, I even tried to help you get there faster… It looks like it still wasn't enough."

"Yeah. You gave us the key. Thanks, or whatever."

"What, don't you recognize this?" Eric held his arm out. A mechanism that looked like an insect was clinging to it. "Maybe you didn't see it."

"Is that the machine that cut the rope?" Nami questioned. "Was that you?"

"… Yes, that was me. I… I know I could have helped more, but there was a limit to what I could do without being noticed."  
"Why are you trying to help us?" Link inquired.

"… I dunno. I guess I'm just trying to get my morals straight."

"Didn't you say you don't really care about morals?" Sali asked him.

"That's why I'm trying to get them straight. Look, I'm able to see more of it now. My master wants to resurrect _his_ master, the Demon King, using the girl, and they want to watch the world burn. I'm not really sure what happened to cause it, because even I wasn't nearly born yet, but there's definitely a grudge being held here against the goddess…"

"Hey, I… I think it might be that old legend," Nami spoke. "The tale of the great war. It says that… a really, really long time ago, a fissure opened in the earth, and the demons came out of it. They destroyed and murdered everything and everyone in sight, because they wanted the ultimate power of the goddess. But she, ultimately, sealed them all away again."

"Nami," Sali began in surprise, "How do you… know all that?"

"You know how the headmaster has a ton of old books in the basement? Well, I _kinda_ went through some of them when I found that someone forgot to lock the basement door."

"If that's the backstory then I'll be really disappointed," Eric stated. "They hate her because… they wanted her power and she didn't give it to them?"

"It's just a tale, not confirmed history," Nami told him. "Maybe you should ask your master what happened?"

"It kind of hard to ask him questions because he's always frustrated."

"I fricking knew it," Sali said.

"Hold on. Back to the original topic," Link started, "if you're trying to help this side now, then why are you… helping us, and not Zelda?"

"You're all trying to help her, aren't you?" Eric asked. "If I tried to help the girl directly, then it would be a lot harder to do it secretly. See, I really don't want to know what will happen if my master finds out I'm trying to play both sides. For now, at least."

"You really thought about what I said, didn't you?" Nami spoke with a smile.

"I just… I don't hate the world, okay? Besides… once the Demon King is resurrected… I'll probably just get tossed to the side."

"Once? As if we're letting it happen at all!" Sali declared. She paused for a moment. "Oh. I guess that's what our destiny is. So we _are_ saving the world!"

"So not only was I helping the potentially illogical half of the fight, but I was also doing it for absolutely no reason. Now… if you'll excuse me, I really have to go now." Eric turned around. "My master may have sent me off, but he'll probably be expecting me soon anyway."

Eric disappeared in a flurry of flames, just like had after that first battle.

"Well that was a quick development," Nami said.

"I still don't trust him," Sali stated. "They're probably planning something, getting us into a false sense of security, and then he'll backstab us at the last second. Maybe this whole time, it's all been a trick, just to make us think we're greater than the enemy. I would be really sad if I'm overestimating, though, and that emo-haired make-up lord really is as much of an idiot as he seems to be."

"I think he seemed pretty sincere. But can we go back to Skyloft now? I would really like to take a shower after all this…"

"Yeah, agreed," Link and Sali both said.

They all walked over to the bird statue next to the temple. This time, they knew what would happen, so they were more prepared for the sudden gust of wind that would send them flying back to the sky. Well, more or less. Link still screamed.

* * *

"… Um, Master. I have a question," Eric began slowly.

"Eric! Where were you?!" Ghirahim demanded. "I've been waiting fifteen minutes!"

"Well, you… you told me to go somewhere else, and…"

"You know that's just my excuse to end conversations!"

"It's rather difficult to tell what you're implying sometimes. Anyway, I have a question, Master, if you don't mind it."

Ghirahim let out a huff of annoyance. "What is it?"

Eric took a deep breath. "There's this girl-"

Suddenly, Ghirahim's mood changed entirely and he seemed much more intrigued. "So that time has finally come… It took you long enough."

Eric visibly blushed. "W-what?! That's… that's not what I'm talking about, Master! I was just going to say… there was this girl I was talking to earlier and it got me thinking… like, I realized I have no idea what our history is or why we're fighting against the goddess the way we do…"

Ghirahim raised an eyebrow. "Earlier? As in during those fifteen minutes that just happened? Have you been meeting with a girl _secretly_? Oh MAI."

"Master. Please actually listen to me. This is a real and serious question that has absolutely nothing to do with where your brain is right now."

"Right, right. What was it? Something about history? Could you maybe repeat the question?" As Eric thought, Ghirahim hadn't been paying attention.

"Why do we fight so persistently against the human's goddess?" Eric repeated.

"… What? Why… I really never told you? Don't you know? That goddess is the one who destroyed so many of our numbers and sealed us in what we call our realm, that wretched place, to begin with. Long ago, we emerged for revenge, but she simply sealed us away once again, cutting our numbers again in the process. We're going to destroy that goddess's world and her people, and make it just like the world she sealed us away in. Do you understand now? I must apologize for this dark I've left you in this whole time. You should have asked me earlier!"

"U-um… I'm sorry…"

"So what about that girl, hmm, Eric? What's her name?" And they were suddenly back to that.

"Master, please, it was basically a random conversation with a stranger. I'm not secretly meeting up with a girl." Even though he technically was.

"Well, I wouldn't object if you were." Ghirahim chuckled. He seemed much more interested on the subject of romance. "It's been a very long time, Eric. Just because you're my head servant doesn't mean that you can't have a girlfriend. Or boyfriend, if that's the case."

Eric sighed sharply. "I would rather not talk about this. May we end this conversation? _Quickly_?"

"Fine, fine, have it your way."


	8. A Piece of the Past

The Bizarre Saga: Skyward Sword  
Chapter 8: A Piece of the Past

_Previously on the Bizarre Saga, Link activated a bunch of random things in the dungeon, Sali said the dreaded line, Nami and Eric talked some more, Ghirahim was being a weirdo as usual, and the ninja lady guarding Zelda was being an obnoxious frickface._

_Now for Chapter Eight._

Night of the Second Day.

Sali let out an angry huff, sitting up in her bed. She had been trying to sleep for hours now, and was still wide awake. "_This is so irritating! I need sleep to last! Why can't I sleep?!_" she thought.

Her eyes trailed over to the clock. One in the morning.

"I hate this," Sali grumbled quietly. The girl on the other side of the massive divider in the room was probably snoozing away, without a care in the world. They weren't quite roommates, since there were two doors and the divider basically split the room in two, but Sali still had to be quiet thanks to her.

Having nothing better to do, Sali got out of her bed, put a jacket on, and left the room to go take a walk, not bothering to change out of her pajamas or to even put shoes on. The stone floor was cold, but that didn't really bother her.

For yet another night, the hall was eerily quiet. Sali's footsteps didn't make a single sound, either. After all, every floor in the academy was stone; nothing would creak.

She wasn't wandering. She had somewhere very specific that she wanted to go.

That place was the graveyard.

Sali stepped outside and onto the cold grass, and put up the hood of her jacket. While the weather was unbelievably pleasant during the day, it was rather chilly at night, and some people weren't fond of that. But Sali liked how the cold air felt on her face, and how the grass felt at that time.

Going out late at night was against the rules at the Knight Academy, because their curfew was at ten o'clock. "Everyone must be in their rooms by ten thirty!" the headmaster would say. The only exceptions for students were seniors given permission. It was rare for any students below the senior level to have an exception made for them. And of course, anyone could use the bathroom at any time in the night, but that was it. Besides, the presence of night guards didn't really make sneaking out any easier.

Sali, however, had been going outside past curfew for a long time, and had never been caught. She was a bit of a rebel like that. Even though she was a senior by that point, she went out, disregarding the fact that she could more easily get permission at her level.

She let out a sigh when she reached the small graveyard, and began to make her way through it, to the back. She sat down cross-legged in front one in the back right corner.

That grave belonged to her older brother, who had fallen below the clouds when Sali was only a child. As a result, they had nothing left of him; just a memorial.

"… Hey, Will," she said quietly. "Turns out I'm some kind of… hero of destiny, or something. There's this huge world below the clouds… I wonder if you saw it before you died?" She lifted her legs and hugged them, hiding her face away.

But this moment of hers was interrupted, when a light went by. Sali hastily ducked behind the grave she had her back to, and quieted her breathing. It wasn't normal for any patrollers to come by that area, but they might have changed things since Kukiel had disappeared around there.

"Hello?" Sali heard a male's voice say, as the light was shined around the graveyard. "Is someone there?" He caught Sali's shadow up against the grave in front of her when he shined the light over, much to her dismay. "Hey. Come out."

Sali slowly rose from her position and turned to face the patroller. The light he was carrying was very bright, so she shielded her eyes for a moment. "… What?" she said.

"What are you doing here at this hour? You're a Knight Academy student, aren't you?" the patroller asked her. "You need to return to your room right away!"

"I, uh… but I'm a senior," Sali spoke, stuttering her excuse.

"Did you get permission from the headmaster?"

"Er…" She sighed. "No…" She knew that you needed to carry a special slip with you past curfew if you had received permission. There was no way she could lie about it. "Sorry. I'll go back to my room."

"That's a warning," the patroller said. "If you're caught again, it could damage your-"

"I know, I know! I'm going." Sali hurried off, back towards the academy. "_Why did that kid have to disappear around the graveyard? Now I can't sneak over there in peace anymore._"

She paused in thought.

"_Wait. How did that guy know I'm a student at the Knight Academy?_"

* * *

The next morning, at breakfast…

"Whoooaaaa, you look dead today," Nami stated at the sight of Sali. The green-haired girl was slumping forward and had dark circles under her eyes.

"What is sleep…" Sali muttered in response, yawning. "We didn't put the tablet in place yesterday, did we?"

"I got up early this morning and put it there," Link said proudly.

"Wow. Kudos to you for actually waking up."

Suddenly, Groose ran up to their table. "OH MY DIN. YOU GUYS," he began, "WHERE'S ZELDA?!" He grabbed the front of Link's tunic, attempting to be threatening. "PUNK! YOU HAD SOMETHING TO DO WITH THIS, DIDN'T YOU?!" But rather than sounding angry, he sounded more like he was on the verge of dramatically crying.

"HEY YOU!" Sali yelled at him, standing up on her chair so their heights were more matched. "I'M STILL ANGRY YOU KNOCKED US OFF OUR BIRDS THAT ONE TIME A FEW DAYS AGO! You know you would've gotten us all KILLED if we were normal people, right?! We were close enough to the clouds that our birds-"

Link and Nami gave her a look. Few people knew that they were going to the surface, and Groose was definitely not among them.

"Uh. Our… our birds caught us at the last second! How about you rethink your obnoxious trolls next time, to make sure they don't KILL people?!"

"U-uh, I, uh, sorry?" Groose stammered, backing off. "I-I just didn't realize how close to the clouds we were!" Sali was only person other than Zelda able to get Groose to apologize like that. Or at all, for that matter.

"THANK YOU FOR ADMITTING HOW DUMB YOU ARE!"

"Okay, Sali. Time to stop," Nami told her.

"MAYBE ONE DAY WHEN YOU'D STOP BEING SUCH A-"

"SALI! Everyone is staring at you!"

Sali groaned. "ONE DAY, Groose. **One day**." She sat back down in a huff. Groose frowned, and walked away gloomily, his arms hanging down in front of him.

Everyone else just slowly went back to what they were doing.

Really, Sali scared everyone. She scared them to the point where it was common knowledge not to mess with her. Thanks to that, no one really associated with her, either.

In truth, Sali hadn't had friends like Link or Nami for about the last ten years. And it was quite easy for her to become friends with Nami specifically, too. They'd only known each other for a few days and Sali felt reasonably close to the blue-haired girl. Link was a different story, because of how awkward their interactions had become, but still, it was better than how things were…

… since her brother died.

She was only about seven years old when it happened. Her brother, William, was a seventeen year-old junior student at the Knight Academy, mainly training in sword fighting. In spite of his dedication to that, he had quite an attachment to the sky. He might not have been as good as one of the students training in flying (nicknamed 'fliers' by the school), but he had that fondness of flying that many of those people did.

But one day, when the swordplay competition to make the best students seniors was nearing… he fell.

The real story was rather unclear. William disappeared one day, his Loftwing returning without him. It was both injured and ill. The presumed story was that he had not realized his bird was sick, they had flown too far from Skyloft, and they were attacked by some hostile creature. They were too far from any land, and William had been knocked off his bird.

Hours later, his bird returned in a depressed state, carrying the young man's black junior shawl in its beak, before collapsing at one of the less occupied areas of Skyloft. The headmaster's young daughter was the first to discover the bird, and she notified her father immediately.

With what evidence they had, they could only assume that William was dead. The Loftwing's depressive state indicated that he was gone. If he had still been alive, even in its awful condition, the bird still would have tried to lead them back to him.

The tragedy had a major impact on his family and on the current students of the Knight Academy. It even dissuaded many of the younger students from becoming fliers, in fear that they would meet the same fate. The headmaster told them that they just needed to check the conditions of their birds carefully, and not to fly too far from Skyloft, and they would be fine, but it didn't help the situation much.

Due to this effect, the headmaster decided William's death would be spoken about scarcely, and newer students would not be told unless they asked, in fear that they would grow anxious about something that was such a huge part of their culture.

As a result of this, none of the students that were attending the Knight Academy at the same time as Sali even knew who William was. She had no other siblings, so everybody assumed she was an only child. One with anger issues, that is.

But before her brother died, she was much different. Sali was a shy and sweet young girl. She still didn't exactly like being around people, but she loved her brother. She looked up to him like no other.

So when he disappeared, her world fell apart. She was suddenly alone. But she swore from than day onward, that she would work as hard as she could to become better than he had been, and that she would make him proud. Naturally, she became very focused on her goal, and her lack of friends didn't bother her. Behind her back, she was already becoming 'that weird girl who never chills out'.

Her asociality didn't really do her any good. It drew a lot of unwanted interactions, especially because, stereotypically, her personality didn't match with how feminine she looked on the outside. She wasn't incredibly short, being five foot five inches, or a hundred and sixty-five centimeters, but her appearance caused problems nonetheless.

Soon enough, she gained her reputation for being someone you really shouldn't mess with. The cause was fights beginning to break out, once Sali got tired of people talking behind her back or saying unappreciated things. Sali would take out groups of people out of irritation, whether it was a group of popular girls trying to bully her, a group of annoying guys who decided to hit on her for her looks, or some people challenging her for thinking she's so great.

She was one of the best sword fighters in the school by her junior year. People knew to never get on her bad side by that point. The people talking behind her back did not stop doing just that, but no one would ever dare to let her hear any of it. Intentionally, of course.

"Hey. Are you okay?"

Sali snapped out of her trance to see Link and Nami looking at her worriedly.

"Wi-" Sali began before covering her mouth to stop herself. "Er. Um. I'm just really tired, Link. I hardly slept last night."

Link laughed sheepishly. "That sucks," he said.

Something occurred Sali that moment. "Nami. What'd you do with the shawl?" she asked the blue-haired girl.

"I put it in your room last night, didn't you see it? You'd left your door unlocked so I thought I'd just put it in there," Nami replied. "On your desk."

"Oh… really? Well, I'm gonna go get it, I'll be right back."

* * *

"All right. So what's the plan for getting down to the surface this time?" Sali asked. "Is it gonna be that same awkward method?"

"Man, it would be so nice if we could just fly down there," Nami stated. "Really… They could just drop us off and fly back up…"

"Why _won't_ our birds go beneath the clouds, anyway?" Link wondered.

"_Maybe they just exist to stay up here_," Sali thought.

One awkward fall to the surface later…

The three of them started in awe at the new location. It wasn't even nearly like either of the locations they had visited already. Not because it was a desert, but because of what was at that desert. The whole viewable area was filled with abandoned structures. Several massive robots, ancient and destroyed, could be seen as well.

After they landed on a large pedestal and had gained their bearings, Fi appeared in front of them and began to speak. "A report, Master Link," she began, "we have arrived at Lanayru Mine." It was rather strange, they realized. Fi rarely spoke to Sali or Nami directly. "This arid region was transformed into a desert over the course of several hundred years. My projections show that Zelda must have traveled through this area." That was all she said before disappearing from their sight.

"Maybe she's finally at least partially recognized our ability to use our brains," Sali said.

"This path looks pretty straightforward," Nami stated. "I don't think I'll need to dowse. It's all between cliffs. For now, I mean."

Like Fi had said, signs of previous inhabitation were clear. Whether it was by humans or not, that was not so clear. Considering the structures they had seen built by other creatures they had encountered, it very well could have been built by some unknown race. But without a doubt, the trio was curious on the matter.

After passing through a tunnel that required some heavy minecart moving to get through, they reached another outdoor clearing. In the center of the clearing was an odd, dark blue stone larger than Link in a pedestal of sorts, with a pattern on two of its sides.

"What is that thing?" Sali wondered.

They approached the stone, expecting Fi to jump out and tell them what it was.

She didn't.

"We've been spoiled already, guys," Nami said.

"Whatever! We don't need her help!" Sali told her. "Link! What do we do? Aren't you the team leader or something even though that was never really decided?"

"When in doubt, hit it with your sword," he told them, slashing at it without hesitation, ignoring any protests Sali might have said.

After hitting it, it turned a light blue, and a ring of the same color shot out from under it, past the team. As the light passed it, the clearing suddenly began to come back to life. The sand disappeared and the grass returned, and the ancient machines became fully functional again, including some small broken robots that were in the area.

"… What did you do," Sali spoke.

"I have no idea," Link answered.

THEN Fi decided to jump out. "Master. I am able to confirm that a time shift has occurred within this space," she said. "Any impact to the blue stones creates a sustained temporal disruption field in the surrounding area. Readings show that this area is in a past time state."

"_Now_ you decide to tell us?" Sali asked irritably before Fi went back into the sword.

"… We went back in time?" Nami questioned. "But only in this little space? How is that even possible? How far back did we go? What if we screw up the universe by making ourselves known in this time?!"

One of the small robots approached them. "You should stay away from the blue stones, bzzzt! It is unsafe for humans!" it buzzed. They obediently backed away from the stone to make the robot go away.

"What if there are PEOPLE here?" Nami whispered dramatically. "And if everything around us changed, how did we all stay here like nothing happened?"

"Nami. We don't know the answers to these questions," Sali told her.

* * *

After a really obnoxiously long tunnel with several puzzles that were boring enough to be skipped over and some weak quicksand they could run over, they rode outside in a minecart that had started working again thanks to another time stone they had found.

Fi appeared to tell them more things. "We have arrived at Lanayru Desert," she explained. "The terrain of this area changed dramatically as climate forces rapidly turned it into a desert."

The area they could view down the hill massive, and still between cliffs, but those clearings were much, much larger. It appeared to be one large clearing in most of the area, but it was split up into sections, due to many manmade walls.

"I have confirmed numerous areas of quicksand," Fi continued. "Should you step in the quicksand, you may be swallowed up by the desert. Bodily danger has increased by thirty percent."

Nami snickered. "Bodily danger? What?" she said.

"My readings indicate that Zelda has passed through here. As previously stated, this area is highly dangerous. I suggest reuniting with her quickly to determine the motivations behind her actions at Eldin Province."

"You don't say…" Link mumbled as Fi went back into the sword.

"Oh my Din," Nami said, further ahead already. "Are those giant bug things?" In the open area down the hill, several gigantic hermit-crab-like creatures roughly five times the size of Link were roaming about.

"Something like that," Sali replied, over there with her.

"Those are kind of… really t-terrifying?" Nami started twitching like crazy before retreating behind a nearby bird statue.

"Oh come on, Nami. I understand that they're freaky as Din's lair but we need to get past them and you're coming with us."

"Yeah I know…" Nami grumbled, summoning her sword and holding it close to her.

The minute they got close to the giant hermit crabs, the nearest one rolled up and started zooming towards them. Somehow, the friction, even though it was on the sand, created dramatically loud noise.

"OH FRICK!" Sali yelled as they all dove out of the way.

"You mean _friction_, Sali?" Link said, making an annoying face.

"BAD TIME FOR THAT, LINK. BAD TIME." Sali drew her sword and dug it into the head of the huge hermit crab. She slashed from there, finishing it immediately. Only the shell remained.

"Sali! Behind you!" Nami called. Sali quickly turned, and another large hermit crab was rolling towards her. She rolled out of the way and defeated it in a similar way she did the other. From her new angle, she could see another one of those creatures rolling towards Nami.

Link apparently saw it too. "NAMI! OUT OF THE WAY!" he yelled out. Nami's reflexes weren't as great. She turned her head, and the creature was so close she didn't have time to react.

Yet, what happened next wasn't quite what they expected.

The massive hermit crab suddenly exploded into purple smoke, and standing in its place was a familiar raven-haired man.

"Ah… I was supposed to stay hidden," he said. "Well, things happen."

"Wuh… what?" Nami stammered in utter confusion. Link and Sali felt quite the same.

First, Eric tried to kill them. But he didn't, though what seemed like Nami's ability to communicate and the fact that she happened to somehow be carrying ice cream with her. Then he found a bunch of pieces of a key for them. He opened a bridge for them. Then he started talking about fixing his morals. And at that very moment… he saved Nami from a potentially severe injury. It was only getting more and more perplexing. Especially since he was a demon lord's servant.

"Zelda is that girl's name, correct?" he asked. "I believe she's on her way to the Temple of Time right now, which is further into the desert. If you hurry, you might get to her before my master does."

"Can't he teleport?" Sali inquired calmly.

"Yes, but not to places he's never been. It's the same for me. So uh… bye."

He disappeared after that.

"Dude, he just…" Nami started, "he just… kinda saved me?"

Link snickered. "I think you might have a secret admirer," he spoke.

"That guy. Tried. To KILL US," Sali said, stomping her foot. "You guys trust this whole playing-two-sides garbage? It's a TRAP. This is INSANELY sketchy."

"Sali, chill out," Nami told her. "What if he really is trying to change? If you push him away, he might think humans are horrible again and give up. Let's do it this way. I can trust him, and you can not trust him. In the end, one of us can say _I told you so_ and the loser can buy the winner a crepe or something. How does that sound?"

"This isn't something to take lightly! Look at him! He's trying to ENTICE you into trusting him! I see the way you look at him whenever he shows up. You just hope he's good because he's attractive!"

Nami blinked. "Excuse me?"

"Uh," Link began awkwardly. "Ladies. Please."

"And also, I do take on your bet," Sali continued. "But don't you dare back out of it later."

"It's buying a crepe. They cost like ten rupees," Nami said. "There isn't much to back out of."

Suddenly, Eric teleported back in a spot nobody was looking. "I forgot something," he said, making everyone else jump. "The next area would quite difficult to get through without this." He handed his bug mechanism and a remote control to Nami.

_**Nami got the Beetle!**_

"You just control it with the remote," he explained. "But it can't fly forever, and will start beeping after flying for a while. It's also been upgraded to be able pick things up, so hopefully you'll find that helpful."

"Where did you even get this thing?" Nami asked.

"I found it at the last temple. I hope you don't tell anyone you got it from me. One more thing, that machine is connected to the remote. Let's say you drop it down a bottomless chasm, it'll fly back up just to return to the remote." He teleported away again after saying that.

"Dang, he's already giving you presents," Link said.

"What did I tell you? It's a ploy," Sali stated. She took out her notepad she still had from the second chapter and began to write a list of all the reasons why Eric was suspicious.

"Okay, we've established your opinion on the matter. But it definitely doesn't hurt to take his advice and pick up the pace," Link told her. "Besides… that ninja lady was a huge jerk last time. If we're late again, we'll never hear the end of it."

Sali groaned. "It was bad enough last time… she was drawing that out on PURPOSE. If she does that again she will officially be on my enemy list." She flipped to another page on her notepad. "Look. I actually have one." The page was titled 'Enemy list', and was mostly covered with doodles. The only names on the page were Groose, 'that prissy chick', and 'the janitor'.

"In all honesty, I figured you'd have more enemies than this," Link said.

"There are people I don't like, and people I actually consider enemies. You know, the ones that continuously annoy me, rather than mind their own business."

"… The janitor is going out of her way to annoy you?"

"Oh. Well… I just wrote that because she was giving me trouble on a bad day."

* * *

Many, many more puzzles based on the time stone later, while hoping that they weren't screwing up the universe by messing with time, solving some puzzles with the bug mechanism Eric gave them, riding in some more minecarts that reactivated in time shifts over bottomless chasms, and killing some red pig things that appeared when they hit a time stone, which they hoped didn't mess up the universe too much, they arrived at the wall of what seemed to be the Temple of Time. Above the structure was a massive emblem, at the top of which was three triangles creating a larger one.

"I AM SO SICK OF PUZZLES RIGHT NOW," Nami stated, bent over with her hands on her knees.

"Feeling rather _puzzled_?" Link asked. Sali smacked him. Really hard.

"**NO**," she scolded. "BAD LINK." He snickered.

"Hey, is that who I think it is over there?" Nami said, pointing off in a distance. It was Gorko the Goron, standing by a huge pile of rubble in the wall. It looked like it had once been an entrance.

"Oh hey! It's my good buddies!" Gorko exclaimed. The team went over to him. "There is something I'm DYING to tell you guys! It's the discovery of the CENTURY!"

"Really," Sali spoke, not really sounding that interested.

"This sacred place, the place inside these walls, is known as the Temple of Time. I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw a human from the legendary Isle of the Goddess! It wore clothes just like the ones written about in the ancient manuscripts! And it looked just like you guys, bud!"

"… What?" Link said.

"It came here with another person and they entered the temple! I wanted to chase after them, but there was an explosion all of a sudden! And the entrance… well, you can see for yourselves. I don't think we're getting past this mess… I just wish I could find out what's happening on the other side!" Gorko paused. "Oh yeah! Speaking of that human and your similar appearances to it… you three wouldn't also happen to be…"

"Yes, we're humans," Sali finished his sentence for him.

"BY A SHINY FLOATING SANDWICH! YOU THREE ARE LIKE, THE REAL DEAL?! OH MY TACO. I LIKE. I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS." Gorko took a clipboard and a pen out of his giant backpack.

"Hey, uh, we aren't exactly supposed to give away information?" Nami told him, giving her teammates a look. "It's classified. Top secret. Everything." Link and Sali understood what she was trying to tell them. No one told them that telling surface dwellers who they were was bad, but they really needed to hurry. "In fact… we normally hide the fact that we're humans too!"

"Aw man…" Gorko said with a sigh, putting his clipboard away. "Don't worry buddies. Your secret is safe with me. I won't tell _anyone_ there are humans around."

Nami smiled. "Thanks bro."

The trio looked at the wall before them. It was very tall, and they knew Zelda was in there. Doing what, probably whatever she did at the springs. They didn't have time to take detours.

"Come on, there's gotta be some way we can get past this wall," Sali said. "We don't have time for detours."

They thought. And thought. Gorko tried to think with them.

"WAIT!" Nami exclaimed.

"What?!" Link and Sali asked at the same time.

"THE KEYS. OH MY DIN THE KEYS," Nami answered. "Is possibly destroying the walls of an ancient temple against the rules of everything? If we go straight through the blocked entrance then…"

"What are you talking about?" Sali inquired.

"Remember those keys Link got from that guy at Eldin Volcano?" Nami asked. "Those! That guy said you just press the green button and you get a super-powered drill or something! Whatever that means. But the name implies something that would be very helpful right now!"

Link took the car keys out of his pocket, and saw a note on the keychain.

_WARNING: Please make sure that you are standing in an open area on level ground before pressing the green button. Also, the green button is very hard to press. After all, the drill would appear out of nowhere on a regular basis if it wasn't._  
_ALL PEOPLE SHOULD BE AT LEAST TWELVE METERS AWAY EXCEPT FOR WHOEVER IS PRESSING THE BUTTON OBVIOUSLY._

"Oh Din, what?" Link said after reading it.

"Lemme see that thing," Sali spoke, taking it from him and reading it within seconds. "All right everyone, back far, far off. I'm testing this."

She pressed the button after everyone had backed away. Much to her surprise, within seconds, she was suddenly in the driver's seat of the vehicle.

"HOLY NAYRU!" she exclaimed, jumping a bit.

The vehicle was box-like and yellow, and had two seats in it. The wheels seemed capable of driving on rough terrain, and on the front of the machine, sized exactly so it didn't obscure the view through the windshield, was a giant drill.

"SWEET MOTHER OF BURRITOS!" Gorko yelled, flailing his arms. "Where did that thing come from?!"

There was an instruction manual in the dashboard. Sali skimmed through it, ignoring what anyone outside was saying. "All right, here we go," she said, cautiously putting it in drive and putting her foot on the brake. She rolled down the window. "ALL RIGHT EVERYONE, KEEP YOUR DISTANCE, THIS IS GOING TO BE REALLY SCARY!"

"Do you know what you're doing?!" Link asked, sounding very concerned.

"I have a basic idea!" She pressed a conspicuous button that turned on the drill. Everyone outside covered their ears, because it was quite loud.

"THIS IS REALLY SCARY!" Nami stated.

Sali slowly hit the gas and the machine started to move forward towards the collapsed entrance. She sped it up, and within seconds, the drill was breaking through the rubble. A determined look formed on Sali's face, and she powered up the drill. She was quickly through the entrance and turned off the drill and hit the brakes instantly. The drill hadn't just gotten itself through, it had blasted most of the rocks aside, forming a path for people to cross though.

On the other side of the wall, Zelda and her ninja companion stared at the drill with shocked expressions.

"… Holy fricking crap," Zelda said slowly.

"Your Grace, you must leave such language behind you," the other woman told her.

Sali put the drill in park and got out. "WHO'S LATE NOW, NINJA FRICKFACE?!" she yelled. "NOT ME! HAHAHA!" She pressed the red button on the keys and the drill vanished into thin air, then proceeded to do a little dance.

"Please silence yourself!" the ninja lady said. "Her Grace is beginning a ritual at the moment!"

"SORRY, I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF MY NOT LATENESS."

"Sali. I think they're actually doing something really important right now," Nami told her.

"I understand your point," the ninja lady said, gritting her teeth and sounding very irritated. "If you three are not late, as you say, then it is your duty to make sure that Her Grace's ritual is not interrupted. It is very long. You may NOT speak to her. Understood?"

"Yeah yeah, whatever, but it'd be nice if we could at least know why the heck Zelda is down here to begin with," Sali spoke. "Now that we're here on _time_, maybe you could tell us the things we don't know. Which is pretty much everything."

"You're being a distraction to Her Grace."

"You said we can't talk to HER, not talk at all."

"You're acting like a spoiled brat!"

"And you're acting like a total prick! That's all you've been since we first met! The goddess made the wrong choice picking _us_? What's _your_ job? Did she even pick you to do anything to begin with or are you just here to get on our nerves?"

"… Impa's just trying to help," Zelda said. "Please. There… isn't much time." She looked at the ninja lady, whose name was apparently Impa. "But for the record, I'd much rather be accompanied by Link than you, because she's kind of right about your attitude, and I will not tolerate you treating my friends this way."

Impa looked shocked. "Y-Your Grace. I'm very sorry…"

"You better be." Zelda turned in a huff and resumed what she was previously doing.

"Another victory for Team Slayers!" Sali announced.

"Get dunked on," Nami said.

"… Team Slayers?" Link asked, raising an eyebrow.

Nami posed dramatically. "We are the slayers of evil. At least I think that's what the name means."

"That's what the name means," Sali told her.

"Okay, I was right."

The three of them sat on the paved stone ground.

"So we just… wait around until something bad happens?" Nami asked.

"Or rather, we wait around hoping something bad _doesn't_ happen," Link spoke, "but that would be too good to be true."

"Don't worry, buddies!" Gorko said, apparently having been there the whole time. "I'll guard the entrance! Evil will have to get through me first!" He ran through the tunnel and stood in front of it.

"Won't that be insanely conspicuous?"

"Wait. How would Eric know where Zelda was going… but not Ghirahim, I think his name is?" Nami questioned. "Do you think maybe he found out and just didn't tell?"

"Well clearly the make-up lord's not here yet," Sali answered. "There's really no way of knowing without being told."

Nami sighed, and lay down on the hard ground. "How long do you think we'll have to wait…" she said after a few silent moments.

"The longer we have to wait, the better," Link replied, sitting down with her. "It'll give more time for Zelda to do whatever she needs to do."

"Yeah, but… still… I wish we could be accomplishing something."

"At least we didn't have to go through another dungeon," Sali spoke.

"I have a feeling that was because we weren't supposed to go through that wall," Link said. "Maybe we were supposed to take a detour, but we had other plans."

"How did an explosion 'suddenly' happen, anyway?" Nami wondered. "Right when Zelda went through, too?"

"You don't suppose… the ninja lady put a bomb there in attempt to stop us, do you?"

"That'd be a jerk move," Sali grumbled. They had lowered their voices to normal volume, so from their distance, Zelda and Impa could not hear them. "Wouldn't be surprised, though. She's kind of already a jerk."

"Oh well, what's past is past. Guess all we do is just wait now."


	9. Link the Science Guy

**Question of the Day:**** Which character would you like to see drawn, or concept art of (if they're original)?  
**

* * *

The Bizarre Saga: Skyward Sword  
Chapter 9: Link the Science Guy

_Previously on the Bizarre Saga, Link made some really awful jokes, Sali drove a giant drill machine, Nami got Eric's remote control bug thing, a small amount of backstory was revealed, and the ninja lady guarding Zelda was still being an obnoxious frickface._

_Now for Chapter Nine._

"How long has it been…" Nami mumbled.

"About fifty minutes," Link answered.

"UUUUGGGHHH…"

Suddenly, they all jumped up when they heard Ghirahim's voice outside the walls. "OUT OF MY WAY, ROCK BEAST! I have business in there!" he shouted.

"No can do, man," the team heard Gorko say.

"Poor guy," Nami said. "He's gonna get owned…"

"Pathetic creature. I don't have time for you," Ghirahim scoffed.

"Well, we're gonna have to do this the hard way," Gorko said.

"… What."

"It's a beautiful day outside. Vultures are trying to sing, deserts are deserting… On days like these, evil people like you… SHOULD STOP BEING EVIL."

"Do you possibly think you can stop-"

The team heard a very large blast.

"What the heck is going on out there?" Sali wondered. She went to go take a look, and she saw something very… peculiar, to say the least. Gorko was continuously shooting lasers at Ghirahim through strange floating blasters that resembled Gorko's face.

"Dang. I always wondered why people didn't use their strongest attack first," Gorko said.

An intense battle ensued.

After twenty minutes, Ghirahim was finally able to do as little as knock Gorko out of the way. He was so frustrated from how annoyingly and unexpectedly difficult the battle was, he blew up what remained of the entrance with his magical powers.

"UGH! WHAT A NUISANCE!" Ghirahim yelled. He noticed the team standing in front of the pathway to Zelda, their weapons drawn. That pathway was the only one, it being a long bridge over a dangerous bottomless-looking pit. "YOU THREE AGAIN?! YOU NEVER DIE, DO YOU!"

"No, not normally," Sali answered.

"YOU HIRED THAT DESPICABLE ROCK OF A CREATURE TO STAND IN MY WAY, DIDN'T YOU?! WELL, NOW I'M ANGRY. IT LOOKS LIKE YOU WERE ABLE TO GET TO THE GIRL BEFORE ME THIS TIME. BUT I WILL NOT-" He coughed a little bit before posing dramatically. "I will not delay this any longer! You are standing between me the conclusion of my ultimate plan! You are not just a minor inconvenience that keeps showing up when my plans have been screwed up. You are RIGHT in my way!"

"Your Grace! You must quickly go through the gate!" Impa told Zelda. The ritual had been completed minutes earlier, and as a result, a large gear-like gate portal had begun to turn at the edge of the temple. "Before he reaches you!"

"LINK!" Zelda called, causing the blond boy to turn his attention towards her. She held her harp in the air, the one she had begun to play partway through the ritual, and the same one she had been playing the morning of the Wing Ceremony. "TAKE THIS! IT'S IMPORTANT!"

Somehow, she turned it into a beam of light which shot towards Link. He caught it, and it turned back into a harp again.

_**Link got the Goddess's Harp!**_

"SORRY THIS HAS TO HAPPEN! IT'S DESTINY! I'LL SEE YOU LATER!" Zelda ran to the portal gate.

"NOPE NOPE NOPE!" Ghirahim yelled, zooming at an incredible speed up the bridge. Sali slashed at him, stopping him in his tracks as he blocked it. Ghirahim began to lash out at her, driving her towards the edge of the bridge.

"Whoa, won't wanna waste your precious time on me!" Sali said, sweating nervously as she constantly blocked attacks. Link shoved the harp into his magic pocket and swung his sword at Ghirahim to get him off Sali.

"ZELDA! NOW'D BE A GOOD TIME TO GO THROUGH THE PORTAL!" Link yelled at her.

"IMPA! COME ON!" Zelda shouted.

Impa came running towards her, and jumped into the portal. She held up a ball of light. "You three! Go talk to the old lady at the Sealed Grounds! She will know where you should go next!" she said, before she and Zelda really entered the portal. Impa dropped the ball of light, which was apparently an explosive, because it blew up the portal after they went through it.

"GRRRRRRRRAGHKASGHDAJS!" Ghirahim growled furiously. "YOU DETESTABLE **PEASANTS**!"

"Whooooaaa, dang, them insults," Sali spoke. She apparently wasn't as concerned as her teammates. Still concerned to a certain extent, but not enough to stop being annoying.

"I would LOVE to kill you all RIGHT NOW, but I have a very tight schedule today of all days! And before that SARCASTIC FOOL you have in your little group makes some comment about prioritizing things foolishly, I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT WHAT I'M DOING IS OF _UPMOST IMPORTANCE_ THIS TIME!" Ghirahim flipped his hair. "I'm reserving you for extra excruciating extermination! Once I have the time, I will give you the most painful ending you could possibly imagine! You'll all be DEAFENED by the sounds of your own screams!"

"Okay, we get the point…"

"WHOOPS! Look at the time!" Ghirahim exclaimed, looking at his watch that he was apparently wearing. "Look forward to your terrible deaths!"

He teleported away.

There was silence. The only remaining sound was the wind howling, blowing the desert sand across the dry surface of the earth.

Or at least, there was silence until Fi jumped out and broke it.

"Master, Zelda's presence has completely vanished from my readings," she said. "My unidentified sources allow me to confirm that Miss Nameya will no longer be able to dowse for her. In addition, Zelda's companion instructed you to meet with the ancient one at the Sealed Grounds. I propose that we travel to the Sealed Grounds."

"Wow, I never would have thought of that," Sali grumbled sarcastically.

* * *

They went straight to the Sealed Grounds, well, as directly as they could. They had to fly back to Skyloft, tie themselves together, fly over to the giant green beam shooting out of the clouds, and drop down again. It took about thirty minutes, but they made it.

But as they were falling…

They heard screaming off in a distance.

Very… manly screaming, getting closer and closer.

All three of them turned their heads to see none other than Groose, his arms out, screaming like there was no tomorrow.

"GROOSE! WHAT THE DIN'S LAIR ARE YOU DOING!" Sali shouted at him.

"HHHHGGGGGGGGGAJSKHDAJKLSDHK!" Groose continued to scream like he was transforming into super mode. He grabbed hold of Link's leg, weighing everyone down and dragging them all down to the surface, because he was significantly larger than all three team members.

The landing was rough.

"Ow…" Groose mumbled, sitting up from the ground. Around him were the three team members, all lying on the ground from the land. "I think I mighta broke something. Ey guys, what's even going on here-"

He looked at his feet, and there were tiny birds hopping around. He screamed like a manly anime schoolgirl, scaring the birds away.

"ARE THOSE BIRDS?! WHY ARE THEY TINY?!" he exclaimed.

Link stood up and pulled the rope off his left wrist. "What even just happened…" he mumbled, rubbing his head.

Groose looked off in a distance to see Gorko, who was already here, wandering around looking for something.

"AND WHAT IS THAT THING?!" Groose shouted. "WHERE AM I?!" He jumped up and started shaking Link by the shoulders. "What's going on here?! Ever since Zelda vanished, you guys've been zipping in and outta town in a hurry and stuff!" He stopped. "So I figured… if I tailed you, then you might lead me to Zelda. But… what the frick's going on here?! Where is this and why's everything so weird and what is that thing over there and WHY ARE THERE SO MANY TREES?!" He started shaking Link again. "TELL ME! I CAN TAKE IT! Where are we?! Is Zelda here?! What's the deal with this place?! I thought there was nothing below the clouds!"

"GROOSE! CALM DOWN!" Link yelled at him.

As Link explained everything that was going on, Nami and Sali regained their bearings and stood up as well. They just silently witnessed the interesting conversation that was happening between Link and Groose.

"Aw dude," Nami suddenly said, putting her hand on her forehead. "We forgot to go see if Gorko was okay after that intense battle with Ghirahim."

"Pretty sure he's fine," Sali told her. "He ran into the temple after Ghirahim busted in, looking like he wasn't ready to give up. But then other stuff had already started happening. But the real question is… what the actual frick was that whole thing. He was like… shooting fricking LASERS. I SAVED that guy when we first met him from a bunch of weakling red pig things. Why the FRICK did he need my help."

"Wow. Triple frick," Nami spoke. "You gotta lay off that word, Sali. It's just getting repetitive."

"I'm VERY CONFUSED right now!"

"Maybe his magical powers are secret. People aren't supposed to know he has them. But because we told him we're humans, he figured we have the right to know a secret of his as well. And if not… maybe he doesn't like fighting or something. But he was willing to do it for us."

"Aw man, dude," Groose said, falling to his knees for no reason, after Link had explained the condensed version of the story. "My brain's like, imploding right now. But I think I get it. So Zelda's somewhere around down here, and she's okay… that's a huge weight off my mind."

"I'm still processing the fact that Groose is down here at all," Sali stated.

"You know, this place is all right," Groose continued. "It needs a name. Yeah… a name fitting for this rugged, adventurous wilderness. From now on, we'll call it…" He paused dramatically. "Grooseland!"

Sali looked disgusted. "AND HE NEEDS TO LEAVE IMMEDIATELY."

Groose stood up again, and stroked his pointy hair. "So, lemme see if I got this right," he began. "The old lady in that temple over there knows where Zelda is?" Link nodded slowly. He'd said it already. "Okay then. All right, fellas, thanks for getting me here. You've done a good job! You can head home now."

Sali stomped forward. "WHOA. HOLD THE FRICK ON."

"Groose-senpai will handle the search for Zelda from here!"

"WE'RE YOUR SENIORS!" Apparently Sali was familiar with the term Groose used.

Groose completely ignored her. "Yup," he said with a giggle. "I'll track her down, save her, and give her a lift back to Skyloft. Then when we get back, I'll ask her if we should make our going out thing official, and then we'll kiss in front of the sunset!"

"YOU'RE DISGUSTING!"

"Anyway, the point is that I've got things covered from here! Your work is done! Ya'll can go back home now!"

"_Ya'll_? You've never even said that before!"

Basically, that whole time, Groose was talking at Link, and Sali was yelling at him and being ignored.

"GORKO? CAN YOU LASER THIS GUY?" Sali shouted. But he was actually too far away by then to hear her.

"Now I gotta go find that old lady!" Groose announced, running off in the direction of the temple. "CATCH YA LATER!"

"WHYYYY…" This time, Sali collapsed to her knees.

* * *

Naturally, the three of them went in the same direction Groose did, and eventually made it to the temple.

"Whaaaa?!" they heard Groose exclaim. "You gotta be kidding, Grannie!"

"I'm not kidding, _grandchild_," the old lady told him. "You are not the one who will save her. The spirit maiden, your Zelda, can only be saved by the chosen ones."

"OH SNAP!" Sali yelled at Groose. It echoed in the temple.

"It is their fate to do this thing, and it will save us. It was decided long before you were brought crying into this world."

"_DOUBLE SNAP_! The old lady's belittling your nonexistent greatness!"

"SHUT IT, GRANNIE! You obviously don't know what's goin' on! Cuz if you did, you'd know that if anyone's gonna save Zelda, it's Groose!"

"Heroes don't refer to themselves in third person," the old lady told him.

"How could it not be me?! If it ain't me, then why am I even here? If I, of all people, am not up to this job, just who is?"

"Those kids who just walked in."

Groose turned around to the approaching team. "Oh. OHH. I see how it is. Old granny's going on about how ya'll are the big heroes who are gonna rescue Zelda."

"Okay. Really. What's with the sudden ya'lls," Sali spoke.

"It's a total joke! All I've heard is a bunch of babbling about destiny, but that's a load of garbage!"

"Crap. We half agree on something," the green-haired girl mumbled concernedly.

"Look, I understand Sali bein' able to pull it off, like, she's freakin' scary, and maybe Nami could save everyone by befriending everything, but I know you, Link. You're a shrimp and you know it!"

"I'm a heroic shrimp," Link told him.

"Yeah, uh, Groose," Nami started, "you haven't really made it to the point of being allowed to call me that."

"TRIPLE. FRICKING. SNAP," Sali announced.

"THERE'S A RANKING SYSTEM?!" Groose exclaimed in disbelief. "THIS DAY SUUUUCKS!" He ran away.

"Greetings, young ones," the old lady said, immediately turning her attention towards the trio. "Were you able to catch up with Zelda?"

"We did!" Link told her. "But then we weren't allowed to talk to her because of her ritual thing, and by the time she was done, the meddling make-up lord barged in and ruined everything."

"Oh yeah! Who the heck is that ninja lady?" Sali asked. "She's a jerk. Was she hired to be annoying or something?"

"Ah, yes, Impa," the old lady replied. "That is her name. She was sent forth by the goddess to aid Zelda in her quest."

"Then why are WE here?"

"Why would there be three of you? Or… something like that. Anyway, now that Impa has destroyed that gate they used, there is only one way left to find them."

"Whoa. How did you know about that?" Link asked.

"I'm a magical old lady. Now, to find Zelda, you'll have to use that harp given to you by her. Tell me, have you attempted to play it?"

Nami gasped. "I forgot we had it!" she exclaimed. She started hopping like a little kid in front of Link. "Can I play it? Please please please?"

"It's not a toy, young lady," the old lady huffed. "Be cautious with it."

"I know! Instruments are so cool. Of course I'd be careful with it!" Link handed the harp to her, and she stared at it with admiration before plucking the strings a bit.

"But I'll have to three know that it would be wise that you all familiarize yourselves with it. After all, I'm sure you will all have to play it at some point. But worry not, for I will teach you all a song that will help you greatly on your journey."

One harp lesson later…

_**Everyone learned the Ballad of the Goddess!**_

"So the harp is accompaniment to this song?" Nami asked, looking at the sheet of music the old lady gave her. She had learned the song much more quickly than the others, apparently having more musical experience.

"It is, young one," the old lady told her. "Now, it is my request that you stand in the circle on the floor down there, and play the song I just taught you. You seem to be comfortable with playing it. Are you up to this?" When the old lady said comfortable, she really meant capable.

"Yes ma'am!" Nami answered, saluting. She ran down to the circle, put her paper on a music stand that she happened to find in the corner, and took a deep breath, and began strumming the harp.

She played it almost flawlessly. The old lady sang the melody with her.

"How the heck is she that good?" Sali asked.

After Nami had finished playing, and as she put her music in her magic pocket, a strange block of sorts began rising out of the ground, almost to the ceiling. It was a dark purple color, and was covered in ancient letters.

"That harp you hold is known as the Goddess's Harp," the old lady explained. "It is a divine instrument of the goddess who once watched over this land. The melodies it brings to life have the power to produce a variety of strange and otherworldly effects."

"Cooool," Nami spoke, staring at the harp again.

"The great slab before you is known as the Gate of Time. It is the last of its kind in existence… the only portal binding our world to the one where Zelda now resides. If you three manage to open the gate and pass through, you will likely end up in the same place as Zelda. But you will need to endure many hardships and put yourself in great danger to awaken the gate from its dormant state. It will be difficult, but-"

They were suddenly cut off by an earthquake. The whole temple had begun to shake, almost knocking everyone over.

"This shaking…" the old lady began, "I fear the seal has been broken. I expected that it would react to your summoning the gate, but I never imagined the seal would break so quickly."

"What?! Couldn't we have not gotten the gate out, then?" Sali asked, struggling to stay on her feet. "We could've done all the stuff we needed to in order to open it and THEN get it out!"

"There is no time to explain right now! It is of upmost importance that you three hurry to the bottom of the pit outside!"

They listened to the old lady and ran over to the door on the far end of the temple. They heaved the doors open and raced outside. Groose was standing nearby, panicking about the earthquakes.

"Wh-wh-what's going on?!" he stammered. "Why's it be earthquakin'?!"

"What language are you speaking?!" Sali shouted.

The old lady appeared behind the team. "Go, quickly! Check on the sealing spike at the bottom of the pit! There is nothing natural about these tremors. The monster could free itself at any moment, so be very cautious!"

They cheated down to the bottom using their sailcloths, and ran towards the sealing spike, which was emitting large amounts of pitch black smoke. The large circular mark around the seal was slowly flashing red at well. Before anyone could get any closer, the smoke covered the entire seal, circle and all, the amount of smoke increased by a huge amount, growing taller and taller. It didn't look good.

A gigantic beast burst forth from the smoke. It had a massive, gaping maw, which took up most of its scaled dark red body, layers of teeth each about half the size of Link, no eyes, and some short, fat legs. The sealing spike stuck out of its forehead.

The team stared at the monster before them. _That_ was the thing being sealed away? Well, they never wanted it to break free again.

"I knew it," the old lady said. The trio could somehow hear her. "The seal has given way. I'll explain it later, as now is the time for action. We must keep that beast from escaping the pit! It must not reach the temple!" The beast was already walking in slow motion up the spiraling hill.

"How the FRICK do we do that?!" Sali yelled up the pit. "GRANDMA WHO KNOWS EVERYTHING! WHAT ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DO?!"

"Attack the spike on its head! I'm sure that will have significant effect!"

"HOW DO WE DO THAT?!"

"Knock it over?" Link suggested.

Sali started throwing bombs at the monster's giant feet. "DIE, GIANT-MOUTHFACE!" The bombs blew up all of its toes and it fell over backwards. Sali started mercilessly slashing at the ceiling spike once she got to it, battle crying as she did so.

The monster wailed, before sitting up and flopping over forward, all in slow motion.

"How is he moving so slowly?" Link wondered. "The only way that would be possible would be if he was really light…"

"LINK! SNAP OUT OF IT!" Sali yelled at him. "HELP ME KILL THIS THING! YOU TOO NAMI, I KNOW YOU CAN DO THIS!"

"What do I do?!" Nami asked, anxiously gripping her sword.

"KILL ITS FACE!"

"THAT'S NOT HELPFUL!"

"He's falling like a balloon," Link continued to mumble. "How can something that big fall so slowly? How can it move at all? Yet when it falls, it creates a dust storm and the ground shakes…"

"LINK. OUTTA SCIENCE LAND," Sali yelled again.

"IT MAKES NO SENSE!" Link shouted.

Sali threw more bombs at the monster's feet, knocking it over again. She continuously slashed at the ceiling spike again as well, hammering it back into the beast's head. It didn't even get back up. It started flailing around on its back as it glowed brightly, and then roared loudly, making everyone cover their ears. The monster stopped moving and 'exploded' into an incredibly bright light, which split up into pieces, and those pieces turned black again. They shot into the ceiling spike and to the bottom of the pit, where the spike had been minutes earlier.

"Now, Link!" the old lady shouted from the top. "Strike the ceiling spike with a Skyward Strike to restore the seal! Quickly!"

Link obediently ran back down to the bottom, and struck the seal with the magic beam that was the Skyward Strike. The sealing spike shot into the ground, and it regained the appearance it had before. The trio sat on the grass, baffled by what just happened.

The old lady and Groose somehow made their way down to the bottom of the pit in a matter of seconds. Either that, or the team was sitting for longer than they realized.

"Holy Nayru you guys, that was like, insane," Groose spoke. "Sali's carryin' explosives around? Now I got even more reason to be scared."

"Incredible work," the old lady stated. "Though the Imprisoned had only just begun to awaken and break its bonds, I'm impressed you were able to restore the seal and keep it captive." Sali opened her mouth to say something, but the old lady held her hand up. "Do not say anything yet. It may have been easy this time around, completed by only one of you, but that creature will only grow stronger. It is likely that it will not be long before it breaks the seal again."

"How long is not long?" Nami asked.

"My guess would be once you beat the next three temples, whenever that may be. It's on something of a schedule, according to my unidentified sources."

"Are those the same unidentified sources as Fi?"

"Probably. Now, we must return to the temple. I have many things to explain."

* * *

Later at the temple…

"So yes, this slate requires an immense amount of power to awaken," the old lady explained, all of them standing in front of the block from earlier. "It's simply a cold stone right now. I would like to say that the power of the Skyward Strike would wake it, but the sword isn't nearly strong enough. But it can be powered, through the sacred flames that reside in the three locations you have visited: Faron Woods, Eldin Volcano, and Lanayru Desert. Once you do this, then it will finally be strong enough to awaken this gate."

"How do we know where to look?" Link asked her.

"Worry not, boy. Clues have been hidden in the lyrics of the song I taught you, the Ballad of the Goddess. Return to Skyloft, and seek out the one whose knowledge of this old song will point you in the right direction."

"Old song… Old people…"

"The headmaster?" Nami suggested.

Groose suddenly entered the temple, and walked right up behind them all.

"I guess you really do got it all figured out, Grannie," he scoffed. "Me, well, there's nothin' I can do to help Zelda. I'm just that useless jock character." He started walking towards the door again, as if he entered just to interrupt.

"Ah, you sell yourself short, mah boi," the old lady told him. "You'll see in time that you have your own role to play in this story other than that of the useless uneducated jock." Despite her saying this, Groose continued to storm out. The old lady turned back to Link. "Go now, young ones. Trust fate to guide your feet."

As the team made their way towards the exit, Fi popped out. "Master," she began, "It has just occurred to me that the song the old woman taught you three is the same song that Zelda sang on the day of the Wing Ceremony."

Everyone's eyes widened.

"BUT. YOU WEREN'T THERE," Sali stammered.

"I had been observing my master for a while. I am certain he recalls all of those times he envisioned me in his prophetic dreams. I was indeed present on the island as well, just invisible to the human eye."

"Creepy," Nami spoke.

"You weren't, like… watching me twenty-four seven, were you?" Link questioned.

"Negative, master. I would describe it more as fourteen six, without the inclusion of dreams. I did not observe you on Sunday because all you did was sleep and the occasional meaningless flying on your Loftwing."

Link looked offended. "It was not meaningless! I lazily glide because I want to!"

"I apologize for the possible offense I may have caused by my statement."

"It is true though," Sali said.

Link frowned.

* * *

So back to the sky they went.

"SO WE'RE GONNA TALK TO THE HEADMASTER, RIGHT?" Sali yelled over the wind.

"YES," Link yelled back.

They all landed on Skyloft and made their way towards the Knight Academy.

Nobody noticed that they were being followed.

* * *

They talked to the headmaster, updated him on the circumstances, and asked him about the Ballad of the Goddess and its lyrics.

"The lyrics of the song Zelda sang on the day of the Wing Ceremony?" the headmaster asked. "I'm… well, I'm not much of a singer…"

"We just need the lyrics," Link reassured him.

"Oh. Thank goodness. They go like this."

_Oh youth, guided by the servant of the goddess… unite earth and sky, and bring light to the land._

"That's the first part," the headmaster told them, "but as I recall, there's a second verse to the song, which goes like this."

_Oh youth, show the two whirling sails the way to the Light Tower… and before you a path shall open, and a heavenly song you shall hear._

"That's all of it," the headmaster said.

"Okay, that second verse is a little strange," Sali stated. "Like… show the whirling sails the way to the Light Tower? That's REALLY specific. Especially because the Light Tower is a real place sitting in the plaza."

"It feels like the riddle of a kid's scavenger hunt," Nami spoke. "And I know that, because I've organized at least six of those."

"Seriously, can you imagine that?" Sali continued. "Someone just gets up on stage in the pumpkin bar and is like _I will now perform the Ballad of the Goddess_! And they get to the second verse and they just started singing _Oh youth, show the two whirling sails the way to the Light Tower_! And then everyone takes out pinwheels and starts waving them around in the air-"

Nami calmly held her hands up. "Okay Sali, that's enough."

"If this is meant to be taken literally," Link began, "then there are probably two sails sitting around Skyloft that need to be activated or something."

"Who in their right mind would even turn it into a song if it's going to be so specific?" Sali asked. "And those sails must be pretty dang important and holy or something if they were put into song special enough to be performed at a significant ceremony."

"Well, there are two windmills in Skyloft that have been around for as long as I can remember," the headmaster told her.

"No one figured this out? Like, people've just been casually singing this and it hasn't even occurred to them that the bizarre words could actually mean something?"

The headmaster sighed. "People don't casually perform this like other songs, Sali. It's spiritually significant, just like the Wing Ceremony."

"Still. Of all things to turn into a song. What does it even have to do with the Wing Ceremony?"

They went outside to look for any sail-like mechanisms and found one in a matter of minutes. There was a large pinwheel connected to a windmill literally a staircase away from the bazaar.

"How do people not see these things?!" Sali shouted. "It's right here! It's in plain sight!"

"The song said to make the sail face the Light Tower," Link spoke. "The Light Tower is over there." He pointed off in a distance, to the tower, which was right on the edge of a plaza just a short distance away. "But neither of these wheels are facing it."

"Maybe the windmill rotates?" Nami suggested, brushing the small wheel to make it spin a few times. "Do you see a control panel or something anywhere?'

"If it were that simple, someone would've done it a long time ago," Link told her.

"The pinwheel looks suspicious," Sali stated. "Fi!"

The blue sword spirit jumped out of the sword strapped to Link's back. "How may I be of service?" she asked.

"How do we rotate this windmill to face that tower over there, if that's what we're supposed to do?"

"Scanning mechanism," Fi said. Blue lights shot out of her eyes, which shone over the windmill. "This simple mechanism is designed to change direction by the constant rotation of the propeller for a certain period of time. It is also built in such a way that the propeller will not be spun for an efficient amount of time simply being blown by the wind, which I speculate was to prevent the windmill from rotating when left alone. This is the information that I have gathered." Fi hid herself after that.

"So we basically need to make the little pinwheel spin until the windmill rotates towards the tower? Huh." Sali turned to face her teammates. "I'm guessing it needs the force of wind, so are we supposed to do that without intensive labor?"

"Well, it was built like that, so there must be some way," Link said. "A tool that'll blow it, like a reverse vacuum."

"You mean an automatic fan? Where are we supposed to get one of those?"

"Someone must have one, since the windmill was built like this and all."

"Maybe the headmaster has one?" Nami suggested. "He's got all kinds of junk in the basement of the academy he probably forgot about."

Link and Sali paused, then looked at each other.

* * *

Sali pushed the heavy door of the basement open.

"Dang, do they even lock this thing anymore?" she wondered.

"It does say _restricted access_," Link said. "Maybe most people follow rules. Especially because this door's on the spooky far end of the first-year hall and they tend to keep the rules more carefully."

"Also, most people wouldn't find the things down there very interesting," Nami added. "Just a bunch of history books and old contraptions. Not to mention how dark it is."

Indeed, the staircase led straight into ominous darkness. There were no windows in the basement, after all. Sali held a lamp up and lead the way, while Link lit the one he had, and the three of them carefully made their way down the creaking stairs.

"These stairs are really noisy," Nami commented.

"Yeah, it's not common that they use wood," Link said.

They reached the bottom of the stairs, and the walls and floor were both made of cold stone. They must have been at the very bottom of Skyloft, as low as the floors could possibly go. The idea that there was so little holding them on a floor was nerve-wracking, but it must have been secure, since that basement was used for storage.

Sali raised her lamp to provide the best lighting possible, and saw that the wall in front of them was mostly covered with bookshelves, and in front of those bookshelves were boxes and boxes of things.

Nami took out a patroller light and turned it on, surprising Link and Sali.

"What the-?" Sali began, turning around. "Where did you even get that?"

"Sitting around," the blue-haired girl answered before going off to explore.

The basement wasn't particularly large. It was almost a perfect square, the stairs being in the center, and the space under them being filled with even more boxes, all sealed shut strongly enough to prevent them from being opened without a knife. The team couldn't help but feel awfully curious as to what was in them. Almost everything had collected an abundance of dust. It looked like even the janitor had never been down there.

Sali got a bit distracted, after locating incredibly old school records. Checking the date on the inside of one of them, it was so long ago she didn't even think her parents had been born yet. How old WAS the headmaster, anyway?

As she went across the shelf, the records' years became greater, until they suddenly stopped. The rest of them must have been recent enough that the headmaster still had them in his office. But then Sali found three very out of place student lists crammed in at the end that didn't look quite like the others. They looked quite like the school records as they were being made at the time, rather than being in a much older style. Sali pulled out the one on the very end to see that the year was only about ten years prior. It was surprising, because the one right before the first of the three was several decades ago.

Her eyes grew wide as she flipped through them. The three books were from the three years William had attended. It was clear they were intentionally trying to conceal his existence.

"Sali?" Nami called, causing Sali to slam the book shut and shove it back into the shelf.

"What is it?" the green-haired girl asked.

"We found something. I think."

Sali walked in the direction of their lights, and Nami was shining hers down on some strange object shaped like a giant, round vase with a really tall and narrow hole. It was coated in dust like it hadn't been touched for an incredibly long time, like pretty much everything else in that basement.

"What? How do you even know that thing'll be useful?" Sali questioned with a sigh.

"There's a note on it that says 'weird vase thing that blows air out of it, use for rotating windmills'," Link answered.

"Are you serious? I didn't even think we'd find anything down here, and definitely not something that oddly specific."

"Well, we did. Let's just hope it works, whatever it is."

Nami picked it up by the neck. It was about two thirds her size in length, but only weighed a few pounds. She found an on-off switch on the side of it.

"… Maybe we should test this outside," she suggested. "Given it still works…"

They went back up the stairs, only to be met with a group of four first years. The team looked around nervously, because they'd been hoping that they wouldn't get caught.

"Are seniors allowed to go into the basement?" one of them asked eagerly.

"Uhhhh…" Sali started, "nope, just us. We're gonna lock it back up again."

"What's that thing?" another one of them inquired, pointing to the vase thing Nami was carrying.

"No idea," Sali continued before any one else could respond. "We were asked to retrieve it. We have to get going now. Please move aside." She said that last bit rather harshly, not matching with what sounded like an attempt to be professional.

The first years sighed and walked away disappointedly.

"Ugh, standing in front of first years makes me feel old," Sali grumbled.

"I recognized _all of them_," Nami stated. "And I know what their names are. I remember things I don't try to sometimes…"

"You're lucky to be able to remember names that easily, then," Link said. "I forget names five seconds after people say them."

Nami laughed sheepishly. "The downside is that can't remember things that are actually important, like practically anything school-related that doesn't have to do with flying."

Sali, getting impatient already, urged them to move along. They took the vase thing upstairs two floors, which was where the nearest exit was.

"All right, time to test this thing," Nami said, once they got outside. She flipped the switch, and immediately gusts of wind shot out of the vase, threatening to fly out of her arms, but she held tighter in surprise. "Holy crud!"

"What even is that thing?" Link wondered as Nami turned it off. "Where is its power coming from? It is magical or something like that? I don't like it when objects are just _magical_."

"You can take it apart when we're done using it, science guy," Sali told him. "If you don't mind getting in trouble for disassembling something that you're not supposed to have in the first place."

"That's not being sciencey! It's just normality! Like, I understand something like the harp being blessed by the goddess to be magical, but this thing has a brand name on it!"

"Come on, guys! Let's go activate the windmills!" Nami called, already ahead.

* * *

So they did. The team turned one of the windmills with the weird vase thing, and went off to find the other windmill, which they quickly did, on the other side of the island.

Unfortunately, it didn't have a propeller. It looked like that part of the windmill was actually missing.

"Great! More junk to find," Sali grumbled, her head hanging back in irritation.

"Let's just go ask the engineer guy," Link suggested. "He's a friend of mine, and probably has a trillion of things like this."

Twenty minutes later, they were back and the engineer guy was attaching the pinwheel to the windmill.

"I was thinking about doing this for a long time," the engineer guy told them as he worked. "I just never had the time. Running a store by yourself is hard work, man."

"I have a feeling that this was supposed to take an obnoxious amount of effort," Nami stated. "Like, we'd have to go down to the surface, we'd find the wheel, we wouldn't be able to fly it back up very easily, we'd need to find a robot to do it for us, but the robot would be broken and we'd need to get it repaired…"

"Nami, what are you even talking about?" Sali asked.

"Nothing really, I'm just rambling."

After the pinwheel was attached, they spun the windmill towards the Light Tower. Right as it hit the point of facing it, some kind of altar rose out of the top of the tower, clearly indicating that they needed to go there next.

One walk and two ladder climbs later, they were there.

"Looks like a harp altar," Link commented. "You know, considering that thing over there looks like a harp, and how this circle looks remarkably similar to the one in that temple on the surface."

"How can you notice similarities in circle designs?" Nami questioned, taking the harp out of her magic pocket, because she was the one carrying it.

"Well, with the holes around it, and the brick layout…"

"I think we can just call this Link being oddly observant," Sali said.

Nami took her sheet music out of her magic pocket. "Can someone hold this for me?" she asked. "Good thing it's only one page." Sali took it.

"Hey Nami, you… seem to have experience playing the harp already," Link pointed out. "There's no way you can be that good without already being really good. Zelda didn't even know what a harp is before she started practicing for the ceremony."

"My mom played too," Nami explained. "And she gave me one of her old ones. But don't get me wrong. I was practicing an hour a day before I even came to the Knight Academy. I even considered being a harpist, but… that's not the way for me."

"But no one ever says anything about you being a musician," Sali said. "How do you keep something like that secret and still be good?"

"Some people know," Nami continued. "It's not really a secret. I just never play in school and no one ever talks about it. Most people are more concerned about… you know, me being popular, me being one of the top ranked fliers… No one really cares about musical talent."

She sighed, and held her hand above the harp. Right at that very moment, Fi jumped out.

"I shall provide the other part of the song," she said. How Fi was going to sing, they had no idea.

"One… two… three…" Nami counted before she began to play.

Fi's singing… basically sounded like a robot singing.

The weirdest thing about it was that her mouth never moved, but Nami no time to notice that. Her hand slipped up a few times, but it still passed.

The people in the town plaza below them could hear the whole thing. They couldn't help but wonder who was up there playing, and what the heck Fi's robotic voice was.

When the song was done, the entire altar rotated under their feet, making the team stumble. A part of the altar that looked like a mirror sucked in light that started coming out of the ceiling and shot it towards a giant cloud way off in a distance.

A hole exploded in the cloud.

"Did that cloud just make the sound of a bomb exploding?" Sali asked.

"Master, I recommend we go in that direction," Fi said. "It will likely guide us to the flames that we are in need of." Then she hid herself again.

"Scary," Nami commented. "That's the cloud that no one can get close to. The _Thunderhead_. Even the knights can't get through it…"

"Why? What's wrong with the cloud?" Link asked.

"When you get near it, whirlwinds try to knock you off your bird. But for some reason, the air snakes fly into it just fine. I think that's where their nests are, or something. So basically this is gonna be really dangerous."

Nami took a pair of goggles she apparently grabbed out of her magic pocket, and put them on.

She grinned. "Lez do this."

Link and Sali looked around awkwardly.

"Oh come on, guys. I saw how you played at the Wing Ceremony. This'll be no problem. It's not like it'll require insane skill."

"But… we need to avoid mini tornadoes and flying snakes our size trying to kill us…" Link mumbled.

Suddenly, a look of determination rose on Sali's face. She had no reason to be scared. Those dumb flying snake things? The whirlwinds? She'd NEVER lose to them.

"You know what? BRING IT," Sali declared.

"Ehhh, what choice do I have, anyway," Link said with a sigh.

They leapt onto their birds and flew towards the massive cloud.


	10. Melodramatic Shenanigans

The Bizarre Saga: Skyward Sword  
Chapter 10: Melodramatic Shenanigans

_Previously on the Bizarre Saga, Link was a science guy I guess, Sali was angry at Groose, Nami was revealed to be able to play the harp, they stole a leaf blower out of the Knight Academy basement, a giant scary monster was being giant and scary, the team was apparently being followed, and the chapter ended with them heading to the Thunderhead._

_Now for Chapter Ten._

"Guys! To that island over there!" Nami shouted, pointing to an island inside the Thunderhead with a tower on it. The light that had broken the cloud earlier was shining through, towards the tower, indicating the direction they needed to go.

The team flew down to the island, dodging flying snake things that were trying to get in their way. Upon landing, Fi jumped out to give them information.

"Master Link, we have arrived at an area recorded in my hard drive," Fi said. "It is known as the Isle of Songs. Signs indicate that it was left here by the goddess for you three to put to use."

"What's a hard drive?" Nami asked, pulling her goggles down to her neck.

"My creator has programmed me to not answer questions of that category."

"… What…?"

"I am unable to determine the means of entering the structure ahead. I suggest you investigate the area." Fi went back off into Link's sword after that.

"You… blow up the entrance?" Sali suggested.

"We can't even reach it," Nami told her, holding her arms out towards the large tower near the island. "It's all the way over there and you can't even see a clear entrance."

"It's a _puzzle_," Link said, referring to the circular area around them, filled pedestals and slabs that looked like they slid around. "Don't worry guys. I got this."

"Puzzles take too long," Sali stated. "Besides, this is dumb. If you're gonna protect the way to the tower entirely, why would they seal the tower too? To be safe? How about making a door that explodes when you play the harp? Anyone can solve a puzzle! Not anyone can use a blessed harp to play a blessed song! This is totally pointless!"

Link walked up to a pedestal in the center with a 'wing' of sorts that looked like it rotated. He gave it a push, and some stones moved, as well as floating bridge pieces outside of the giant circle, all in the direction he pushed them in.

"I don't know about you guys, but I at least want to TRY to do this the easy way!" Sali declared. She whistled, and her bird, Alpha Seven, landed next to her.

"What if you accidentally blow up the whole tower? It looks pretty old!" Nami warned her. "I mean, Fi said that the tower was left here by the goddess! That must've been a REALLY long time ago!"

"Solved it," Link said.

The floating bridge clicked into place.

"Okay then, never mind," Sali mumbled.

They all entered the tower. It had a very small entrance for some reason.

The massive interior of the tower was cold and only lit by the small amount of light that could break through cracks in the stone, which certainly wasn't very much. The tower was mostly hollow, and the only place to stand was a platform that the small tunnel had led them onto. Looking off the side of the platform, there was nothing but ominous darkness, giving it a bottomless feel.

As the three of them carefully made their way across the unrestricted platform, they soon discovered that it ended, a winged crest floating right at the end on a pillar that came straight out of the darkness below. Link stood on the circle in front of it, rose his sword, and struck it with the Skyward Strike. Instantly, their entire level of the tower was illuminated by a strange light the crest began to emit, and the intricate designs covering the walls became visible. Most of them involved a triangle made up of three smaller triangles, with an empty middle.

Upon this activation, another peculiar light shone in from the dark ceiling, and right in the spot that it did, a smaller (but still giant) replica of Skyloft's massive goddess statue that was planted near the school rose up right behind the crest. A song began to echo off the walls, and for some odd reason, the statue had a nutcracker mouth that kept opening and closing, as if it was singing the music.

Fi jumped out again in front of the statue, proving that she could float on thin air and wasn't just hovering on the ground all this time.

"Master, I have important information," she said. "When you struck the crest with the Skyward Strike, a message from the goddess awakened within my memory. The goddess intended this message for you three, the chosen ones. These are her words."

She bent forward and lifted her leg into the air, indicating that she was about to start dancing like a ballerina again.

"Why does she do this every time?" Sali whispered.

"I have no idea," Nami whispered back. "Maybe to keep us paying attention to her."

"I think it's distracting. Clearly she just thinks her dancing is more important than whatever message she's going to give us."

_They who seek the sacred flames, listen well, for I guide you from my place at the edge of time._  
_The sacred flames are three in number. _  
_To obtain them, you must also earn relics known as the three sacred gifts._  
_For each trial you overcome, you shall be blessed with one of the gifts…_  
_Make use of the power of these gifts, and you will find your way to the purifying sacred flames._  
_Now, I bestow upon you a melody._  
_It will serve you as a key, opening the first trial that awaits you deep in the wilds of Faron Woods._

Nami took out the Goddess Harp. "Uh, I guess I…" she started, but suddenly, she felt a shocking feeling, and she felt as if her fingers were moving on their own. They played along with the melody that rang throughout the tower.

_**Nami learned Farore's Courage! **_

"Whoa! What! How!" she exclaimed, in total awe. "What just happened?!"

Link and Sali were in pretty much just as much awe.

"DID YOU SEE THAT GUYS. HOLY CRUD, DID YOU SEE THAT." Nami was basically bounding with excitement. "THAT. THAT!"

"Okay Nami, you can calm down," Sali said, putting a hand on Nami's shoulder.

"NO! NO I CAN'T! I JUST MAGICALLY LEARNED A SONG THROUGH GODDESSLY POWERS!"

"That song is called Farore's Courage," Fi explained, swooping back down to them, having finished her sparkly ceiling dance. "Its rousing melody will guide you. Chosen, you must overcome the trials set out before you and obtain three gifts to reach the sacred flames. Miss Nameya, your knowledge of this song will allow you to guide the way towards the gate of the first trial. I suggest that you set out for Faron Woods as soon as you are ready." And with that, she flipped back into Link's sword.

"Did she just talk to all of us?" Nami asked. "Yay! Finally!"

"Let's stop standing around and get outside!" Sali said. "It's kind of cold in here!"

Link and Nami exchanged a few words of agreement before the three of them exited the tower, called their birds, and flew back outside the Thunderhead, returning to the warm sunlight. Noticing that the sun was on its way down, they returned to the Knight Academy.

* * *

"So like… the old lady in the temple said this thing about that gimongus beast not waking up again until after we beat the next three temples, like it's on a schedule," Nami said as they walked through the academy doors.

"Gimongus? Did you just make that word up?" Sali asked.

"I'm not sure if I should think the old lady is crazy or if it'll actually react to us powering up the Goddess Blade with the flames," Link told Nami.

"Reacting? That would actually make a lot more sense," Nami spoke. "Like… why would some terrifying evil beast wait until we've done what we need to do. But the old lady made it sound like it was actually willing to wait."

"Maybe the old lady is crazy _and_ it'll react to the sword powering up?"

"AUGH I'M TIRED!" Sali suddenly exclaimed. "PAJAMAS. NOW."

"What? But it's only like… four!" Link said.

"SENIORS DO WHAT THEY WANT!" Sali ran down the stairs towards her room.

"She's abusing her authority," Nami stated.

"Seniors don't even have authority!" Link told her. "They have _potential_ authority! They can do certain things with permission!"

"Says the one who stays in his pajamas all day on weekends."

"They're not pajamas! They're lazy clothes!"

"So you basically change from your pajamas into another set of pajamas?"

"Or maybe _you_ just wear lazy clothes to bed?"

"Touché, buddy."

As they were talking, a very short guy with swoopy blue hair walked up to them and hemmed. Link and Nami turned to him and recognized him as one of Groose's two pathetic cronies, whose name was Cawlin to be specific.

"Ey, you two there," he started, talking in a fake accent. "I just checked Groose's room, and the guy is gone. You two got any idea where he went?" He snickered.

"Yeah, he fell down to the surface and now he's stuck down there with an crazy old lady and a 'gimongus' monster sealed in the ground," Link said. Nami looked at him with a face of total disbelief.

"Well talkin' to you is pointless," Cawlin grumbled before walking away.

"The truth is so bizarre it sounds like sarcasm," Link commented. "Not that I didn't know that beforehand."

"Wow, that just made me realize how unbelievable the last few days have been," Nami said.

There was an awkward silence.

"Hey Nami, I'm gonna head over to the Lumpy Pumpkin for a little bit," Link spoke. "If you don't have anything better to do, wanna tag along?"

"What? That place is awful," Nami told him.

"I know. I'm gonna knock the chandelier down and make a run for it."

Nami was very conflicted. "Ahh. Dude. I don't know. I'm really tired."

Nami's stereotypical friends peeks their heads around a corner, watching intently.

"I think I'll have to pass," Nami said.

All of her friends slumped forward and walked away in that position.

"It's understandable, after this long day," Link replied. "Later!" He ran off to his room, which Nami could only guess was to change into lazy clothes.

She stretched and sighed, then went off to go look for something entertaining.

* * *

"And then I told the guy, if you want some pumpkin soup, you're gonna have to pay!" the owner of the Lumpy Pumpkin told some other guy.

"… Thrilling," the customer mumbled sarcastically.

With the owner/bartender distracted, Link slipped into the building and ran up the stairs. He had put on a really big hoodie over his changed clothes in attempt to hide his identity.

"Here we go," he whispered to himself like he was about to begin a mission. He looked down from the pointless balcony to make sure there was no one in the way. There were literally no other people in the pumpkin bar except for the owner, that one customer, and himself.

Link whipped out the slingshot he still had from when he got it in the woods and closed an eye, aiming for the dangerously loose base of the chandelier. The thing had been replaced multiple times, many of those times caused by him, but they never really put it back on correctly, even if they got a new one.

Link fired the slingshot, and the rock he'd pulled smacked into the top of the chandelier. Hearing the sound, the owner looked up before mouthing an "oh no" before the chandelier collapsed onto the floor, breaking three tables in the process, but somehow staying perfectly intact.

"NOO! NOT AGAIN!" the owner wailed. Link snickered and promptly escaped out a window. He had his reasons for doing such a thing to the small restaurant; they were up to no good, after all. Their food was low-quality and overpriced. And sometimes they even served people OLD FOOD.

* * *

Meanwhile, Nami found herself in an interesting situation. Cawlin, the guy from earlier, approached her with a problem.

"Hey, so uh, this is real awkward, especially cuz we just talked earlier, but…" he started, "but I heard you're like the cupid of the school or somethin'."

"Yeah, I'm the cause of several school couples, what's your point?" Nami asked.

"So I, uh… I have a request. Promise you won't laugh at me, but I need a letter delivered. You know. Like… a love letter! Okay? It's a love letter!"

Nami tried hard not to laugh.

Cawlin frowned even more deeply than normal. "What? I think this will go much more smoothly if the queen of love in the school gets involved! Look at the luck of all these other people who went to you for help!" he declared.

A laugh did end up escaping from Nami. "Okay then, shortie, cupid Nami at your service," she asked. "Who's it being delivered to?"

"K…Karane, okay?" Cawlin stuttered, looking away. "And don't call me short! I'm very insecure about my height!"

"Aww~!" Nami cooed, but a bit mockingly. "I'm actually hoping something happens from this, it sounds adorable!" Hilarious, she was really thinking.

"Really? You'll do it? You're as nice as everyone says you are," Cawlin said, handing the letter to her.

Nami smiled evilly. "But… that ain't gonna come _cheap_, you know."

Cawlin's hopes shattered in that very moment. "… What?"

"JUST JOKING!" She skipped off to find Karane, leaving an utterly puzzled Cawlin behind.

* * *

Meanwhile again, in Sali's room, she was lying on her bed, staring at the ceiling. Ever since they had gone into the basement, she'd been feeling incredibly curious as to what else was down there.

"_What else are they hiding down there_…?" she thought.

She desperately wanted to know. Sure, those records could have been the only thing down there that would interest her, but there was no way to be sure. She had to check for other things. Other things that the school was trying to _hide_.

Maybe she was doubting them too much, and the school was just taking extreme precautions to make sure any information doesn't end up in bad hands. Or maybe it was even done out of grief, trying to conceal her brother's existence to prevent those memories from returning.

But whatever their reasons were, Sali just really wanted to know what else was in the basement. Part of it didn't even have to do with the records she'd found. They were probably storing other cool things down there.

And so she stood up from her bed, picked up the light she had used earlier and looked out her door. The halls were almost empty, only occupied by a few students and teachers, almost all of whom were just chatting.

"_Right, it's Friday,_" Sali thought. There were fewer classes that day, and practically everyone would be occupied by something, whether it be school-related or something they wanted to do.

She slipped out of her room and made her way back down the spiraling staircase of the academy, all the way down to the bottom floor. Luckily enough, the freshmen hall was completely empty. She crossed it quickly and quietly, seriously hoping that she wouldn't be caught again.

Sali shoved the door open again and proceeded down the stairs into the darkness. With only her own light as a guide this time, it was significantly harder to see. It wasn't like she had one of the patroller lights like Nami. How the blue-haired girl had even gotten one, it was a mystery. People didn't just leave those things sitting around.

But when she reached the bottom of the stairs, she froze in place.

She had seen something move.

Her breath hitched. She hadn't just seen _something_ move. She'd seen _someone_ move. Someone really tall, at that.

"Who… who's there?" she called out, holding her lamp up. The thing was not helping, because it only lit a short distance in front of her. The person she'd seen zipped further into the darkness of the basement, as if hoping this unexpected intruder hadn't seen them.

Sali felt inclined to give a sigh of relief, knowing that this person was probably someone in the same place as her: someone who wasn't supposed to be down there. But unsettling feeling persisted.

"Hey! Who's there?" she called again. "Seriously!"

She heard a crash on the side of the basement behind the stairs, and a whispered curse. It sounded like the unidentified person had tripped on something.

Sali let out a huff of air in attempt to compose herself before making her way towards that side of the basement. Even in darkness she could see the mess from the crash. She held her lamp up to see who the person was, and fallen over in a pile of boxes was someone who made her nearly gasp.

It was Eric, looking like a scared cat.

Sali tried to find something to say but couldn't find any words. A trillion thoughts ran through her mind, fighting for what would come out of her mouth, but in the end, nothing did.

Her light dropped from her hand and rolled on the ground.

Sali and Eric stared at each other for a few incredibly long seconds.

Eric suddenly panicked. "ABORT MISSION!" he shouted, jumping to his feet.

"OH NO YOU DON'T!" Sali yelled, bounding towards him. She grabbed his coat sleeve, and in an instant, the world started spinning and they were suddenly in the area behind the cave where Link had found his Loftwing only a few days earlier.

Sali felt very disoriented, and nearly fell over. She shook her head and turned her attention back to the real intruder.

"YOU!" she practically screamed, pointing at Eric. "HOW DID YOU GET UP HERE?!"

Eric's eyes darted around rapidly, backing towards the wall. "I-I… I…" he stammered. He let out an anxious breath, as Sali started making her way towards him. "No… no no no no NO!" He held his hand up, and flames erupted from it. A wall of fire momentarily burst up in front of him, singeing a line in the healthy grass and making Sali leap backwards. He collapsed to the ground, holding his arms up over his head, as if trying to hide himself. "I knew this was a bad idea, this was a really bad idea-"

"What the frick are you doing?" Sali asked. "Get a hold of yourself and answer my question! How did you get up here?!"

"I-I don't want to fight," he said quietly from his rolled up position. "I-I'm sorry. I'm not here to hurt anyone. I swear!"

Sali groaned. "CHILL. THE FRICK. OUT."

Eric looked up at her. "… What? What do you mean by that?"

"I mean calm yourself! Deep breaths, you frickin' weirdo, then explain to me what's going on, why you're here, how the heck you got here, and all of those incredibly helpful little details!"

Eric frowned and let his arms drop to the ground.

"Why are you acting so panicky, anyway? You're usually eerily composed," Sali said, lowering her voice's volume this time. She remained standing, looming in front of the demon.

Eric heaved a sigh. "Let's just say…" he started, "I'm not really, uh… in a place I feel comfortable? I mean… you know I'm not supposed to be here."

"All right. Makes sense. Now let's move on to things that are more important."

"… Okay. For one, I'm not here for work-related purposes, or to cause anyone any trouble whatsoever. I know you don't trust me, but… please hear me out."

"Keep talking," Sali told him.

"I was just… really curious about the way you humans live," Eric mumbled. "By the way you all behave… it seems like you have a much happier lifestyle than what I'm accustomed to. And this place…" He stared off into the sky. "I think I'd want to stay here forever if I didn't feel like spiritual forces could murder me any second. And. You know. Circumstances."

"Uh huh. Kay. So how the frick did you get up here."

"Well, uh… About that. See… you guys used that statue to get up into the sky, right? Yeah. After you all launched up like that, the gust of wind didn't immediately disappear. I jumped in at just right moment."

"Really. You got launched into the sky with no bird to call, what then?"

"I'd seen you guys go into the sky before. I'd stolen a spellbook from my master's hidden stash I don't even think he knows I know about and through some clever casting, I was able to use a phoenix spell to take me to the island. It took a lot out of me. Not that you'd know what a phoenix spell even is…"

"Nor do I care, to be honest. But why the heck were you snooping around in the basement of the Knight Academy? How'd you even get down there without anyone noticing you?"

Eric looked around awkwardly. "… Invisibility spell?"

"You've got to be kidding me."

"No, I'm really not kidding you."

"Fine. Answer me this. If you're some super powerful demon, why are you freaking out about being caught?"

"I've been feeling on edge since I set foot up here. Not to mention, what am I even supposed to tell people? Especially if they found out what I was, everyone would panic, they'd all think they're doomed knowing it's possible for some_thing_ like me to get up here…"

Sali raised an eyebrow. "Dude. Are you serious?"

"… What?"

"It really wouldn't occur to anyone that there's a demon walking around on Skyloft unless you explicitly attempted to burn down someone's house while waving your arms around like an idiot yelling about how you're a demon." She paused. "Okay, that was a bit of an exaggeration, but most of the people here that would most likely see you are literally so nice and outgoing that it wouldn't even occur to them that you're a stranger unless the person who saw you was a paranoid social butterfly. Which is an oxymoron."

Eric blinked. "A social what…?"

"Anyway, a second earlier, you told me how you got into the Knight Academy basement, and I got distracted and forgot to ask you to answer the first half of the question. So why were you in the basement? Seemed like you were looking at the old records, too…"

"Uh. Well…" Eric looked away. "You know how… your friend mentioned that thing about old books in the basement yesterday? I was just looking for them and got a little distracted."

"Why would you possibly be interested in the school records of students from fifty years ago?"

"I'd only been in the basement for about five minutes before you walked down. So it wasn't exactly long enough to be considered legitimate interest."

"Five minutes? But if you got into the basement by making your invisible or whatever…"

"Basically, I was really shocked when I found out I'd become visible again at a really inconvenient time."

"Huh. I was wondering why you looked like a Remlet a toddler snuck up on."

* * *

BACK WITH NAMI…

Nami peeked around the corner of the library entrance, seeking out the girl she was sent to find. Karane was almost always in the library.

"_So he might like bookworm types, huh…_" Nami thought to herself. She took out a heart-covered notepad she'd fetched from her room and flipped through it until she found Cawlin's name, then wrote the information down. She'd been keeping track of these sorts of things, after all. She had no idea why this stuff interested her but it did.

She took out the letter Cawlin had given her, tempted to read it just so she could know what to expect when she gave it to Karane and not burst out laughing. But she decided against it… these words were for his true love and true love only.

Nami spotted Karane at the far end of the library and tip-toed behind the closest bookshelf, where she still couldn't be seen. She was about to step out from her hiding spot when she heard Karane talking to herself aloud.

"Oh Pipit… When will you notice me…" the redheaded girl spoke.

"…_ What_," Nami thought. "_Oh Din. This is gonna be interesting_."

Suddenly, it had become a drama.

Nami stepped out from behind the bookshelf and tapped the daydreaming Karane on the shoulder. The redheaded girl jumped in place and spun around.

"UH HI NAMI!" Karane exclaimed, looking around awkwardly. "How long were you standing there…?"

"Not that long," the blue-haired girl answered. "I have an important letter to deliver to you as school cupid!" She held the letter out to the other girl.

"What? Really?" Karane took the letter. "I wonder who it's from…?"

"Well, I'll leave you alone now!" Nami zipped off in a direction that made it look like she left, but she was actually hiding. She poked her head around to see what Karane's reaction the letter would be.

The redheaded girl opened the envelope and took out the letter inside. As she read it, Nami could see her face gradually turn from one of hope to one of disgust.

"Isn't that guy one of Groose's flunkies…?" Karane mumbled to herself. "What a joke… Like the letter would actually be from Pipit, anyway." She sighed and crumpled up the paper before throwing it in the trash.

Nami spun around in a thinking pose.

"_I think there's a certain someone who needs to hear about this_," she thought.

* * *

Nami darted across the Knight Academy hallway upon spotting a certain boy in a yellow tunic.

"PIPIT!" she shouted, leaping in front of him. "URGENT BUSINESS!"

"AH! WHAT?!" he exclaimed, jumping backwards.

"This is cupid Nami reporting from shenanigans! Things have grown dramatic! For you see… Karane got a love letter from Groose's tiny crony!"

Pipit blinked. "… What?"

"Buuuddy," Nami said, leaning forward and putting a hand on her hip. "I think it's been about long enough."

"W-what are you talking about?" Pipit asked nervously.

"They're probably meeting up right about now in the library… I know how you feel about Karane, Pipit. You better do something before it's too late…"

"How do you know about that?!" He paused. "Uh. I mean."

"I know lots of things that have nothing to do with me. Now go! THE FATE OF YOUR LOVE LIFE IS AT STAKE!"

Pipit screamed incoherently and ran to the library.

* * *

"So uh, you were the one who sent the letter, huh?" Karane asked.

"Y-yeah, that was me!" Cawlin answered. "So like… what's your answer? I mean everything I said in the letter! Please… go out with me!"

Karane bit her lip. "Well…"

Pipit zoomed into the room and knocked over like eleven things in the process, including some random barrels, some chairs and a table that wasn't normally there.

"WAIT," he said, panting heavily. "WAIT WAIT WAIT."

"… Pipit?" Karane began.

Cawlin's face twitched.

Nami stood in the doorway to the library, leaning against the wall. She couldn't help but grin at her work, even knowing it might not go so well for Cawlin.

"KARANE, I-" Pipit stuttered. "I LOVE YOU!"

Cawlin's eyes widened and he frowned even more deeply than Nami thought was humanly possible.

"Oh Pipit! My knight in shining armor! I love you too!" Karane exclaimed. "Save me from this awful predicament!"

Pipit ran over and picked Karane up before running out the door. Or at least, he sort of picked her up. It proved to be more difficult than people made it look.

"… What. The frick," Cawlin said. He glared over at Nami. "WHAT JUST HAPPENED! WHAT DID YOU DO!"

"I did nothing," Nami claimed. "Sometimes things just happen. Those two were bound to get together and this situation was a motivator."

Cawlin spontaneously burst into tears. "I HATE EVERYTHIIIIING!" he cried, running out of the room.

"_Poor guy_," Nami thought. "_He might be doomed to forever-alone-ness_." She walked off into the hallway. Then a thought hit her. "_… But… there might be actually be someone who'd be willing to KEEP HIM COMPANY…_"

She looked off in a distance towards the bathroom door.

"_Yes, someone indeed…_"

Nami ran back into the library to retrieve the love letter from the trash can.

* * *

Somewhere else, Link was having a dramatic showdown.

With a Remlet.

"Don't you stare at me with those innocent eyes," Link said darkly.

The Remlet tilted its head.

"I KNOW WHAT YOU DID," the blond boy growled. "I know what you ARE."

The Remlet meowed.

"Don't play dumb, you vicious beast. You attacked my face two weeks ago."

Link angrily stared at the Remlet right into its giant eyes until a little boy ran up and picked up the creature.

"Doomfanger! I found you!" the child exclaimed before running off with the Remlet.

Link's eyes narrowed.

"_Fitting name_," he thought.

* * *

"… So you're telling me, you literally went through the _current_ school records before you even went into the basement," Sali said. "Wow. Haha, totally not legitimate interest. You were going through the records on purpose!"

"No! I wasn't! Seriously!" Eric insisted. "Five minutes! It was five minutes!"

"Why do you even care about the records?! Those things have virtually nothing useful in them! It's just names and school info!"

"I was curious!"

Out in the sky somewhere, Nami was flying about on her Loftwing, when these two people having a conversation under the town caught her eye.

"_Is that… Sali_?" she wondered. "_Who's that guy sitting on the ground_?"

She directed her bird down towards them and landed near the edge. Sali and Eric both turned their heads towards her immediately as she hopped off. Eric's eyes widened, making the panic swelling in him again nearly visible, while Sali's face expressed "oh frick" better than anything.

"Hey Sali, what's going o-" Nami began, but her sentence quickly fell apart into an incoherent, jumbled mess of sounds when she realized who the other person was.

She and Eric just kind of stared at each other for a little while.

"… Ahem," Sali started. The other two snapped out of their trances and looked at her. "This is a story that I still barely understand, but from what I've gathered in the time we talked, he was bored, so he came up here without anyone's permission or request by using complicated magic."

"I wouldn't classify it as _bored_," Eric corrected.

"Oh yeah? Then what would you classify it as?"

"Curious!"

"All things considered, what's the difference, in this case? Either way, you're up here. Anyway…" She turned back to Nami. "He insists that he doesn't want to hurt anyone and seemed to be genuinely freaking out earlier about being found, so what conclusion do you wanna draw about this?"

Nami put a curled index finger to her chin, deep in thought on the matter. She then walked over and plopped down next to Eric, who quickly reacted by scooting away about two feet. Sali blinked.

"Thank you for saving me from a potentially mortal injury earlier, Eric," Nami told him with a smile.

He turned away. "I. I just… uh…" Nami could have sworn he was blushing.

"Ugh, I'm leaving," Sali grumbled, turning towards the sunset. "Fricking lovebirds. If you'll excuse me, I'm going to go make a bet with Link on whether this will end up canon or not." She leapt into the sky, and after a whistle, her bird caught her and they flew away.

Eric looked awfully confused. Again. "… What did she say?" he asked.

"… Doesn't matter," Nami told him. "So hi! How has your day been?"

"Terrible at many times, and I'm rather frightened to imagine what my master will say when I get back, but other than that, it's been an interesting day. How about yours, I suppose I should ask?"

"Well, my friends and I solved a bunch of pointless puzzles, I almost got killed, I learned how to play a new song on the harp, flew into a dangerous cloud, delivered someone's love letter to their true love, but they got rejected, so I gave the letter to the school toilet ghost…"

A smile twitched on Eric's face. "… Okay. That last thing. What even?"

"Oh yeah. Funny thing. Our school has a toilet ghost. And she's a hand with a disembodied voice. It's pretty much a rumor among everyone else, but she really does exist."

"… Weird. I mean, I've seen plenty of weird things, but I didn't think there would be weird things… you know, in the sky with the humans."

"There's also some kinda friendly singing monster living under the island," Nami continued. "But we just met him the other day."

Suddenly, the evening bell rang off in a distance.

"Hey, it's officially the Night of the Third Day," Nami said.

"What do you mean?" Eric asked.

"I've been keeping track. The nights since I discovered my purpose, or destiny, or whatever people wanna call it." Nami stood up. "Over here! The sunset looks so nice."

"But… we can see it from here."

"Oh, seriously? It's not just about seeing it. Just come here!" She sat down on the very edge, her legs hanging off the side.

"That's… that's precarious," Eric said quietly. "Maybe not for you, but in my case… it's incredibly difficult for me to teleport while I'm falling."

"Don't worry! I have a solution." Nami whistled loudly, summoning her Loftwing to her side. "If you happen to fall, which I'm sure you won't, Ebony here will catch you!" She got to her feet and pet the large bird. "Ebony, that's Eric. If he accidentally falls, you're going to catch him. All right?"

Ebony looked skeptically over at the demon. After scanning him for a few seconds, Ebony let out a disapproving cry and turned away, crossing his wings.

Nami blinked. "Ebony, what the heck. Don't be a jerk," she scolded.

"Not happening!" the bird squawked.

"Ugh, whatever," Nami said. "Guess we're sitting back here." She went back to sit in front of the wall where Eric was as Ebony flew away. "I swear, he always does what I ask."

"Oh well…" Eric trailed off. "So uh. Kyre. Nameya Kyre. That's your name, right?"

Nami raised an eyebrow. "Who told you?" she asked.

"Well… No one. I may have gone through the school records for the sole purpose of finding out some names. That's not weird, right?"

"You should've just asked me."

"You know why I couldn't do that. I wasn't even planning on being discovered to begin with. So… Kyre. I'm wondering. How does your school work?

"Oh, uh, first things first, I don't know how it works where you're from, but people don't usually refer to each other by their last names here," Nami explained. "But hardly anyone calls me Nameya though, so…"

"Then… Can I call you Mey?" Eric suggested.

"Wha? Well, people normally call me Nami, but you can call me that if you want." She let out a little laugh. "But in return, you have to let me call you Ricky."

Eric's expression went deadpan. "… What."

"So anyway, let me tell you about our school!"


	11. The Groose is Loose

**It's here. Everyone, it's here.**

**Well, at least… part of it.**

**This update isn't exactly a normal update… for you see…**

**Just read it.**

* * *

The Bizarre Saga: Skyward Sword  
Chapter 11: The Groose is Loose

_Previously on the Bizarre Saga, Link knocked down a chandelier, Nami got involved in things that have nothing to do with her, Sali was trying to be the main character again, Eric was discovered to be in Skyloft, Fi finally decided to refer to the team as a whole, and many people freaked out for various reasons._

_Now, for something else._

_A chapter that nobody wanted._

Four days ago…

"All right, Groose! Today is the Wing Ceremony!" a certain buff, red-haired individual told himself in the mirror. "It's your big day! Today, you will crush that pathetic wimp into the ground once and for all!"

"EY BOSS, ARE YOU TALKIN' TO YOURSELF AGAIN?" one of his minions yelled from the other side of the giant room divider.

"DON'T QUESTION ME, SHORTIE!" Groose boomed.

He dressed into his junior uniform that showed off his muscles like no other clothes he owned and stood in front of the full body mirror next to the window in his room. After posing in front of it a few times, he meticulously perfected the spike of hair on his head with a bit of Granny Gertrude's Hair Gel before marching confidently out his room.

But then he bumped his foot-tall hair spike on the door frame on his way out, bending it backwards, so he rushed back over to the mirror and fixed it with more hair gel.

A scene transition happened, and Groose, with his cronies behind him, entered the cafeteria in slow-motion, all three of them wearing dark sunglasses. The majority of the people in the room completely ignored him… until the rapping and beatboxing started.

"YO MAH NAME IS GROOSE, AND I'M REALLY REALLY COOL, CUZ PEOPLE SAY THE GROOSE IS LOOSE WHEN I'M IN DAH HOUSE FOO-"

"Oh DIN," a girl with long green hair said aloud from a table by herself. "I'm gonna go run and hide, who's with me?"

She picked up her food and speed-walked out the exit. Half the people in the room followed her.

"HEY! No food outside the cafeteria!" the grumpy old lady chef shouted. Everyone disregarded her. "Grr! Rotten kids! The headmaster will hear about this!"

"-MAN I'M SO SWEG, I GOT CITYWIDE FAME, ALL THOSE OTHER GUYS COMPARED TO ME ARE REALLY REALLY LAME-"

"… I can't stay in here," a blue-haired girl said, standing up and running out with her food as well. All five of her friends followed her.

"Is anyone even listening to me?!" the old lady yelled.

"-AND THAT LINK GUY?! HE DUN STAND A CHANCE, HE'S A LAZY LITTLE WIMP AND HE CAN'T EVEN DANCE-"

"YOU!" the old lady shouted to Groose. "YOU'RE THE ONE MAKING THE STUDENTS LEAVE! STOP THIS AT ONCE!"

Groose ignored her too.

"I'M JUST SO COOL, I MAKE ALL THE LADIES DROOL, NOW TELL ALL YO FRIENDS THAT THE GROOSE MAN RULES!"

Even though most of the people in the room were gone, and the only people remaining other than the cook were the people too lazy to find somewhere else to eat and the people who reluctantly followed the rules, Groose's cronies continued to beatbox, and Groose whipped his head up and down, as if he was trying to hairflip the hair that couldn't be flipped. His sunglasses somehow flew off his face in the process and went out an open window. But Groose was not distracted. There was still another verse.

"YOU CAN'T TALK ABOUT MY SWEG WITHOUT TALKING BOUT MY HAIR WELL IN REALITY MOST PEOPLE DON'T CARE-"

"Oh Nayru, there's more," a random student said.

"BUT THEY DON'T KNOW, THEY DON'T GOT THE RESPECT! ONLY FEW PEOPLE CAN TELL THAT MY HAIR IS PERFECT!"

"SHUT UP ALREADY!" a guy from the same table yelled at Groose.

"It's useless, Carl," the girl sitting next to him spoke. "There is no stopping Groose."

Another guy at the table snickered. "I guess you could say… it's _Groose_less?" he said, leaning on his arm.

"PETER NO," Carl and the girl told him instantly.

"Peter yes."

"AND ZELDA, BRO, SHE JUST CAN'T REALIZE MY FABULOSITY CAN'T BE TOPPED BY ANY OTHER GUY! SHE'S THE ONLY GIRL IN SKYLOFT WHO JUST CAN'T SEE THAT THE COOLEST GUY HERE IS UNDENIABLY ME!"

"Okay, I have to give him points for coming up with this," Peter _point_ed out.

"I bet he took one that already existed and changed it," Carl huffed. He turned to the girl next to him. "Suzy, why haven't we left yet?"

"THE COOK SCARES ME," Suzy told him in a demonic voice. Carl promptly backed off.

"THANK YOU, THANK YOU!" Groose said out, bowing. People started throwing food at him, making a quick escape necessary.

"That was officially the dumbest thing we have ever done," his short crony said after they had ducked out into the hallway, gently pulling a fried egg out of his hair and throwing it back into the cafeteria. "Why did we do that."

Groose turned to face his cronies. "Now, my men! Today is the day of the Wing Ceremony!" he declared. "It is time to put step one of our plan to ensure my victory into action!"

"Plan? What plan?" his tall crony asked. "We didn't discuss this."

"No matter! All we have to do is capture Loser's and Green's Loftwings, tie them up, and carry them to the spot behind the scary cave before they break free of the ropes while Tallster fends off the cave creatures! I prepared a place to lock the birds up back there yesterday! Man, I'm so prepared."

"Are you fricking kidding me?" the short crony asked in disbelief. "That's like, impossible. Capturing one bird would be hard enough. And the girl's bird is a fricking monster, man! It's got her temper! And doing all that without getting _caught_? Not happening." He turned away, crossing his arms.

"Not even for a carton of ice cream, Shortie?"

Shortie twitched.

* * *

TWO HOURS LATER…

"OH DIN, IT'S TRYING TO EAT ME!" Groose screamed, jumping away from the tied-up purple Loftwing that was trying to bite his leg. The two Loftwings they had captured were laid on connected dollies, and were desperately struggling to escape from the ropes binding them, and were squawking loudly because tying their beaks was pretty much impossible.

"DON'T WORRY! LOFTWINGS ARE HERBIVORES!" Tallster shouted at him over the squawking. "I THINK!"

After many struggles, they reached the end of the cave, and pulled the dollies along by rope to the spot that Groose had prepared. It was two shelters in the wall that had tall posts stuck to the ground on both sides of them–four posts total–presumably to nail the boards sitting on the ground to.

"Uh, boss? You sure that's gonna actually hold them?" Shortie asked.

"Of course it will!" Groose declared. "I know exactly what I'm doing!"

They threw the birds into the spot and quickly got to work. Groose had left a hammer and nails behind, knowing that nobody went back there, to his knowledge, at least. Groose nailed the many boards to the posts as his cronies held them up, putting at least three nails on the ends of each board to make sure it was secure. Inside the newly made cage, the birds were biting at their ropes in attempt to get them off.

"There! Now that the birds are locked up, the ceremony will have to go on without Loser and Green, and I'll be the winner!" Groose said.

"Wow, we're jerks," Tallster stated.

"Boss, I can't help but notice that you've been talking in your dramatic declaring voice all day," Shortie pointed out. "It ain't how you normally talk-"

"DO YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THAT, SHORTIE?!" Groose shouted.

"UH NOPE NO I DON'T BOSS JUST STATIN' A FACT-"

Groose pointed to the sky. "ALL RIGHT THEN! Let us depart to the town square!"

"… Why…?"

"BECAUSE I SAID SO, SHORTIE!"

* * *

FIVE MINUTES LATER AT THE TOWN SQUARE…

"Why are we here?" Shortie asked again.

"To look NORMAL, Shortie!" Groose told him. "So nobody suspects a thing!"

"Wouldn't it be more discreet to… you know, do things someone would normally do on the day of the Wing Ceremony and not stand around looking like idiots trying to not look suspicious?"

"DO NOT QUESTION YOUR LEADER! Now, we shall sit here and look normal! Tallster, begin massaging my back! Shortie, you shall massage my tired arms!" Groose picked up a random crate, brought it to the center of the square, and sat down on it.

"This is stupid-"

"HEY YOU!" a girl's voice shouted from the edge of the square.

Groose and his cronies all looked in the direction it came from at the same time. Storming towards them was none other than Sali, the green-haired girl who had bailed from the cafeteria earlier that morning.

"Crap. It's Green," Groose said quietly to his minions. "Now, my minions. It is time to really put on that looking normal act."

"YOU," Sali growled, stomping right up to Groose. "I _KNOW_ WHAT YOU DID."

"Whatever are you talking about?" Groose asked nervously.

"YOU LOCKED UP MY BIRD!" she yelled. "I SAW IT! You were dragging my Loftwing into that cave at the edge of town!"

Groose made a shocked face. "What? Where did you get such a notion? I would never do something like that."

"DON'T SCREW AROUND!" the girl screamed, taking a step towards him. "I _know_ it was you, why else would I FREAKING SEE IT?!"

Groose sweat-dropped. "H-Hey, I really don't wanna fight right now…" he started, but he was cut off by her.

"HA! _Sure_ you don't! If you didn't, then you wouldn't have locked up my FRICKING BIRD!" She threw a roundhouse kick right to his side, knocking him off balance.

The most hilarious thing about this was that she wasn't even three fourths his height.

"And that's not _all_," Sali said, walking towards him, making him back away while holding his side in pain. "You locked up _Link's_ bird too, because I know I saw a Crimson Loftwing over there!"

"Geez, girl's got serious violence issues," Shortie told Tallster.

"You don't say," Tallster replied. "Shouldn't we step in?"

"Heck no, I wanna see that guy get beat up."

"AH HA!" they all heard someone exclaim off in a distance, and then all attention was on the guy who had said it. "I knew it was you!"

Groose made a face like he was meeting with an old enemy. "_Loser_," he thought, before returning to his looking-normal act. "C-come on, man!" he stammered, his hands in front of him. "There's no way I would do that! You gotta have some faith in me, this girl is just spouting nonsense!"

"Shut up, spikehead! I have solid evidence!" Sali shouted, pointing to her head. "MY MEMORY!"

"That doesn't count as evidence!" This made the green-haired girl growl at him. Again. "But seriously man, I would never do something like that!"

"Yeah, and my hair turns purple when I think about the one that I love," Link said sarcastically.

"Quickly, minions! Their guard is down!" Groose stated. "MAKE A RUN FOR IT!" He and his cronies ran towards a sky dock and jumped onto their birds.

"COWARD!" they heard Sali shout from the ground. "COME BACK HERE AND FIGHT ME LIKE A MAN!"

"Wow, that was a close one!" Groose said. He dodged a rock that Sali threw at him. "So was that!"

"What did I tell ya, boss?! We got caught! Plain as day!" Shortie yelled over the wind. "The girl knows that we did it, she's gonna tell everyone, and then we'll all be disqualified."

"Worry not, Shortie! For you see, I thought about the possibilities!" Groose explained. "Green is not the most popular and has a reputation for hating my guts! Many will believe that she's simply trying to get me disqualified because of her intense disliking of me!"

"But even so, she knows where we locked 'em up," Shortie said. "She'll be able to get 'em out no problem and then this entire thing will have been a waste of time _and_ it could have bad consequences and all that crap."

"Nonsense! There's no way she'll be able to get them out before the ceremony starts! They'll just have to proceed without those _meddlers_! There's no denying it, Shortie, victory shall be mine! Now, to the Groose Cave, where we shall discuss our further plans!"

Shortie looked at Tallster, utterly perplexed, only to get a shrug in response as to what the heck Groose was talking about.

* * *

LATER AT THE GROOSE CAVE WHICH TURNED OUT TO BE A SHOWER STALL IN THE MEN'S BATHROOM…

"All right, my men. Now we shall discuss the next step in our preparations," Groose said quietly before looking outside the curtain to make sure nobody was eavesdropping. Looking suspicious like spies could be watching, he moved back into the stall they barely all fit into. "I expect that you two have improved your aim since that time we failed miserably at that last prank we did that involved throwing things. I've spent the last few days creating buckets and buckets of what I like to call, 'Egg Grenades'."

"You bought them, didn't you?" Shortie asked, unimpressed.

"Now is not the time for that! In case my chances victory at the Wing Ceremony begin to slip, you two are you hurl these things at competitors like no tomorrow!"

"Do you think people don't supervise these things?!"

"The rules didn't say 'No Egg Grenades'!"

"You're _pushing it_! If you want to throw exploding eggs that will get you disqualified, do it yourself!"

"The rules actually didn't say anything about throwing things," Tallster said. "They just said 'attempted violence will result in immediate disqualification'. And the labels on the exploding eggs say they're totally safe, just really annoying."

"Tallster! I said I made them!" Groose reminded him.

"Boss, we all know where you got those from, there is literally no point in saying that."

"Fine, whatever," Groose huffed. "Now that you understand my plan, let us train for this ultimate moment until the ceremony starts! Nothing shall stand in my path!"

After Groose exited the stall in slow-motion, a training montage began.

_LET'S GET DOWN TO BUSINESS_  
_TO DEFEAT OUR FOES_  
_WHY'D THEY GIVE ME DISHES  
WHEN I SAID "TO-GO"_  
_YOU'RE THE SADDEST BUNCH I'VE EVER MET_  
_BUT YOU CAN BET BEFORE WE'RE THROUGH_  
_MINIONS, I'LL FIND A USE FOR YOU TWO_

_EVERYTHING ASIDE NOW_  
_SHOW THE FIRE WITHIN_  
_ONCE YOU FIND YOUR CENTER_  
_I AM SURE TO WIN_  
_WHY CAN'T YOU SEEM TO HIT ANYTHING_  
_DO YOU JUST NOT HAVE A CLUE? _  
_SOMEHOW I'LL FIND A USE FOR YOU TWO_

_"THIS IS REALLY RIDICULOUS-"_

_"This is totally unnecessary-" _

_"THIS IS A COMPLETE AND UTTER WASTE OF TIME-"_

_"Why are you singing about how much we suck at something we're not getting paid for-"_

_"I SWEAR I'M GOING TO QUIT-" _

_"Why are you singing at all-"_

_BE USEFUL_  
_WE MUST BE SWIFT AS THE RUSHING WHIRLWIND_  
_BE USEFUL_  
_BECAUSE THE TIME IS UPON US SOON_  
_BE USEFUL_  
_WITH ALL THE STRENGTH OF A RAGING FIRE _  
_MYSTERIOUS AS THE DARK SIDE OF THE MOOOOOOON_

_"What is even going on right now?" _

_TIME IS RACING TOWARDS US_  
_TILL THE CEREMONY ARRIVES_  
_HEED MY EVERY ORDER_  
_AND YOU MIGHT SURVIVE_  
_MESS THIS UP AND YOU RUIN EVERYTHING_  
_OH BY THE WAY NO PRESSURE BRO_  
_HOW COULD I FIND A USE FOR YOU TWO?_

_BE USEFUL_  
_WE MUST BE SWIFT AS THE RUSHING WHIRLWIND_  
_BE USEFUL_  
_BECAUSE THE TIME IS UPON US SOON_  
_BE USEFUL_  
_WITH ALL THE STRENGTH OF A RAGING FIRE _  
_MYSTERIOUS AS THE DARK SIDE OF THE MOOOOOOON_

_BE USEFUL_  
_WE MUST BE SWIFT AS THE RUSHING WHIRLWIND_  
_BE USEFUL_  
_BECAUSE THE TIME IS UPON US SOON_  
_BE USEFUL_  
_WITH ALL THE STRENGTH OF A RAGING FIRE _  
_MYSTERIOUS AS THE DARK SIDE OF THE MOOOOOOON_

"AGH, I'M DEAD!" Shortie exclaimed, flopping down in the grass.

A bell rang off in a distance.

"THERE IT IS! It is time to make our way to the Wing Ceremony!" Groose announced. "RISE, SHORTIE! THE FATE OF MY ACADEMIC SUCCESS DEPENDS ON THIS DAY AND THE THINGS WE JUST PRACTICED!"

"WHY DO I COMMUNICATE WITH YOU," Shortie grumbled.

"And after the ceremony, we shall all go to the Lumpy Pumpkin and I will pay with the money I borrowed from my uncle!" Groose said. "Even I know this sort of hard work shouldn't go unrewarded! Now, off we go!"

Groose dramatically jumped into the sky, his arms extended. He whistled, summoning his dark purple Loftwing that had the same hairstyle as him. It flew below and caught him, and with that, they were off to the Knight Academy.

"He's gonna lose, isn't he," Shortie said.

"Yeah, probably," Tallster replied.

* * *

They were standing in the town square, yet again, but this time there were many present. The ceremony was upon them. Within fifteen minutes, they would be running off the starting line to call their birds, and the instructor was about to explain the rules.

And Link and Sali were no where to be seen.

"_Hahaha!_" Groose internally laughed. "_My plan's workin' perfectly! They'll never make it in time!_"

"'SCUSE US, COMIN' THROUGH!" a girl's voice shouted from above.

People scrambled out of the way as two students on Loftwings landed right in the middle of the square.

"Good grief, you two can't just show up so late like this!" the instructor running the event told them. "You sign up and then wait this long…"

"Sorry bout that, our Loftwings got birdnapped," Link said. "We'll talk about that afterwards."

Groose's jaw dropped.

"_How's this possible?!_" he thought. "_It took me and my cronies a half an hour to just to get through that cave! And to get their birds out that quickly too?!_"

The instructor turned to the crowd of juniors. "Your attention, please!" he called out. "At last we are ready to begin the Wing Ceremony. I was beginning to worry that we'd have to proceed without Link and Sali, but that luckily is no longer a concern."

Sali glanced over at Groose, who was still showing a shocked expression. She whispered something to the blond boy next to her, and Groose, knowing she was talking about him, instantly straightened up again, not wanting to look suspicious.

The instructor explained the rules of the game. What they were to do was to fly on their Loftwings and try to catch the Loftwing that was flying around with a statuette in its talons. They needed to take the statue, and the first one to get it would win. The winner would be allowed to graduate to the next class of the academy instantly, which was why most people competed, and on top of that, would receive a gift from Zelda.

Groose had to admit, he was equally excited about both aspects of that. But there was no time to think about what would happen afterwards. His biggest concern had become whether he would actually win or not.

"_Pull yourself together, Groose!_" he thought. "_The only reason for that plan was to raise the odds! Of course I can still do this!_"

The race began, and everyone bolted off the dock in front of them.

* * *

After the race…

Groose dismounted from his bird, dropped to his knees, and proceeded to dramatically fake cry. "ALL IS LOOOST!" he wailed.

Everyone pretty much ignored him, with the exception of a few rolling-eye glances. The lack of attention being noticed, Groose rose to his feet and brushed himself off.

"Well, that was an interesting situation," the instructor stated. That blue-haired girl from earlier had been the one to fly back with the statuette, but he had been flying out there too, and knew exactly what had happened. "I'm not sure what to do about this."

"If anything…" Sali started, "make Link do the ritual thing with Zelda, since he's a guy and I'm sure as Din's lair he wants do to it, whether he knows it or not."

"_Hmph. That ritual must really be something romantic if that's the logic Green is following,_" Groose thought, listening in on the conversation. "_How can I possibly win Zelda's heart with Loser interfering like this?_"

"Seriously, what's with the Din's lair thing?" Link asked her.

"Link and Sali here grabbed the statuette at the same time," the blue-haired girl said, "And I grabbed it just before it fell through the clouds. I dunno how we're gonna settle this."

"Hmm…" the instructor pondered, "I suppose the three of you are great, honest students. Unlike _somebody_ who attends the third-year class…" He eyed Groose for a moment, who gasped in response. "Perhaps we could have all three of you become seniors…" Link's, Sali's and the other girl's eyes lit up in excitement. On the contrast, Groose was completely horrified. "I will go talk to the headmaster about it."

"Now go do your ritual thingamajig already," the blue-haired girl told Link, spinning him around and giving him a push in the direction of the giant goddess statue.

Groose internally screamed a variety of things.

"Well boss, things don't always go according to plan," Shortie said, walking up behind him. "Sometimes you just gotta accept that other people are better than you and that you can't cheat your way to victory."

"You're right, Shortie… Cheating really wasn't the way to go…" Groose said, slumping forward. "That must have been precisely why I lost. It was the powers that be teaching me a lesson. Curses! If I had just not tried to cheat, my natural skill would have crowned me the winner."

Shortie sighed. "… Yeah, sure, let's just go with that."

"Boss, are we still going to the Lumpy Pumpkin?" Tallster asked.

"I suppose so," Groose said, a sad tone in his voice. "Perhaps the food will help me get my mind of this."

* * *

Later at the Lumpy Pumpkin…

"THE FOOD ISN'T HELPIIIING!" Groose cried, slamming his head into the table. "… Ow."

"Come on man, you've just got to forget about it and find another way," Shortie told him. "It's not like there ain't a million other things goin' on that you can do to become a senior."

"But I just… I just… I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO WIIIN…" He sat up, resting his head on his propped-up arm, and let out a heavy sigh. "Just who do they think they are? Those villains have been messing with the wrong guy!"

"Pfft, yeah, they're messing with _you_ all right," Shortie grumbled.

Groose ignored him. "My plans have never failed! Not when I'm this serious about victory! A three-way tie, Shortie! And not one of those three was me! I've been publicly humiliated! Why, it's more than I can bear!" He buried his head in his arms, fake crying on the table.

"You want more soup or somethin'?"

"What for? Nothing helps. I'm disgraced."

"Who you? Never!" Tallster assured him. "Boss, you have got to pull yourself together!"

As Tallster rose to his feet and walked towards the middle of the restaurant, Shortie slowly looked over at him, looking somewhere between confused and uncomfortable. And then Tallster started singing.

"Gosh it disturbs me to see you here, Groose, looking so terribly down," he sang. "Every guy here wants to be like you, Groose, possibly throughout the town!"

Groose raised an eyebrow.

"There's no one around as admired as you, you're everyone's favorite guy! Everyone's awed and inspired by you, and it's not very hard to see whyyyyy-"

Everyone in the room was looking at Tallster by then.

"NOOOO OOOONE… PLANS QUITE LIKE GROOSE, NO ONE TANS QUITE LIKE GROOSE, NO ONE MAKES AWFUL PICTURES WITH CRAYONS LIKE GROOSE! For his pompadour cannot be copied: perfect, a pure paragon! You can ask anyone who's not wonky, and they'll tell you whose team they'd prefer to be on!"

The line about the crayons blew right over Groose's head, and he found his confidence beginning to rise again.

Suddenly, almost everyone in the restaurant joined in the song. "No one's got swag like Groose, makes the girls gag like Groose!"

"No one's gotten on stage dressed in drag quite like Groose!" Tallster sang.

"As a specimen, yes, I'm intimidating!" Groose sang, standing on the table.

"My, what a cool guy, that Groose!" what had become the chorus sang. "Give five hurrahs and twelve hip-hips!"

"Our boss is the best, and the rest is all drips!" Tallster sang out.

Shortie was still seated, looking rather frightened.

"NOOOO OOONE fights quite like Groose, snores all night quite like Groose!" The chorus started dancing.

And Tallster joined them. "No one checks that the spotlight is on them like Groose!"

The owner of the bar had the same expression as Shortie.

"For there's no one as burly and brawny!" some of the chorus sang.

"As you see I've got biceps to spare," Groose sang with a flex.

"Not a bit of him's scraggly or scrawny," Tallster sang.

"That's right!" Groose said. "And every last inch of me's covered in HAIR!" He threw his shirt off.

Everyone in the restaurant SCREAMED.

"OH DIN PUT IT BACK ON!" Shortie yelled at the top of his lungs.

"NO ONE HAS HAIR LIKE GROOSE, NO ONE WANTS HAIR LIKE GROOSE!" the chorus sang loudly.

"NO ONE GETS REJECTED BY ZELDA LIKE GROOSE!" Tallster sang.

"I'm especially good at exaggerating!" Groose sang.

"You really don't say?" Shortie asked.

"When I was a lad, I used on pack of hair gel each morning to make my hair strong," Groose sang, smoothing his hair spike. "And now that I'm grown, I use jars of hair gel, so that nothing can ever go wrooooong!"

"NOOOO OOOONE FAILS LIKE GROOSE, GETS NO FAN MAIL LIKE GROOSE!" the chorus sang.

"NO ONE TALKS TO HIMSELF IN THE MIRROR LIKE GROOSE!" Shortie sang as loudly as he could.

"I use pictures of me in my decorating!" Groose sang.

"MY WHAT A GUY, THAT GROOOOOSE!" the chorus sang.

The musical number had ended, shown by how everyone had stopped in their poses.

"Wait a second," Groose started. "What?"

The things they had gradually begun sing about had started to sink in.

He frowned deeply.

"You sneaky little SNEAKS," he said darkly. "You've all betrayed me."

"B-Boss, it was just a joke-" Tallster insisted, but Groose was not having it.

"You're just like the OTHERS! ALL OF YOU!"

Groose stormed out the exit.

Everyone was silent for several moments.

"Man, you're in trouble," the owner said to Tallster, smiling derpily.

* * *

**There will be more of this. There's just no way I could fit this into one chapter.  
**

**I HAVEN'T ASKED MY QUESTION YET! Tell me what character… you'd really like to learn more about. Because why not?  
**

**If you like my stuff (and Undertale), come check out my Tumblr at onebizarrekai! I post dumb art there. Gotta warn you though, my blog does have some mild shipping happening on it.**


	12. The Groose Has No Excuse

**Whew! That took a while. Sorry bout the delay.**

* * *

The Groose Saga: Skyward Pompadour  
Chapter 12: The Groose Has No Excuse

_Previously on the Groose Saga, Groose thought he was going to win the Wing Ceremony but failed, Shortie complained a lot, Tallster did stuff, some musical numbers happened, and Groose suddenly realized that a bunch of people were making fun of him and it was rather sad._

_Now for the second part of this disaster._

After returning to the Knight Academy, Groose didn't go outside again for what seemed like hours. He scarcely even left his room.

"Mah life… It's a sad…" he said with a sigh, lying on his bed. "I remember the old days… Back when my greatest concern was how I was going to get my hair to stay up when I went flying."

Suddenly, memories of his pompadour's history came rushing back…

_The grass is rustling in Skyloft tonight, the sky's darkness shows it's late_  
_A city where flying rules things, and my hair just can't stay straight_  
_The wind is howling like this swirling storm inside_  
_Couldn't keep it up, heaven knows I tried_

_Don't buy too much, keep your control_  
_Work with what you've got to reach your goal_  
_Conceal, don't feel, keep usage low_  
_Well screw it, mofo_

_LET IT GOOOO_  
_LET IT GOOOO_  
_CAN'T HOLD IT BACK ANYMOOORE_  
_LET IT GOOOO_  
_LET IT GOOOO_  
_TURN AWAY AND SLAM THE DOOOOR_  
_I DON'T CARE WHAT THEY'RE GOING TO SAAAY_  
_LET THE HAIR RAGE ON_  
_The wind won't be botherin' it anyway_

_"What are you doing?! Get back to your room!"_

_"Oh frick, it's the cops!"_

"And then they chased me around until I finally agreed to be quiet and go to bed," Groose mumbled to himself. "Good times."

He continued to lie on his bed, unmoving, until he heard Pipit running through the hallways, yelling for the headmaster. Why the person was doing that and not just going straight to the headmaster's office, it was a mystery, but it sounded pretty urgent.

Even though it required that he go up the spiral staircase three floors, Groose was interested enough in what was happening that he left his room and went all the way up to the floor where the headmaster's office was.

"Headmaster Gaepora!" Pipit began, throwing open the door of the office. "Link's Loftwing just carried him back unconscious and Zelda is nowhere to be found!"

"What?!" the headmaster shouted.

Groose gasped loudly and dramatically. Loudly enough for Pipit to turn around and notice him.

"This is preposterous!" Groose exclaimed.

Pipit rolled his eyes and turned his attention away.

"Oh come on! I'm showing genuine concern here!"

Groose was desperate to fix his reputation. He was so desperate that he was willing to drop everything he believed about swag and raced outside to come to Link's aid so people would notice him.

There was a crowd of people surrounding the unconscious blond boy, still lying on his concerned bird. As several instructors were attempting to lift Link from his Loftwing, Groose came crashing through the crowd, knocking over several people in the process, and picked up Link with little effort.

"Don't worry! The great Groose will handle this!" he said, hurtling back through the academy doors with Link over his shoulder, leaving everyone staring behind him.

Link's bird screeched angrily, wanting to follow him indoors in its desire for revenge for what the pointy-haired fellow had done earlier, but it knew better than to go inside. Instead, it flew around to the back of the academy and prepared itself for another plan.

Groose opened the door to Link's room and carelessly dropped the blond boy onto his bed. Somehow, he did not wake up.

"This oughta fix my reputation for sure!" he declared.

Suddenly, Link's Loftwing stuck its head through the window, squawking loudly, jumpscaring Groose.

"DOIHUAHUAH!" Groose screamed, scrambling out of the room.

* * *

A while later, Groose was hungry, so he decided to sneak into the kitchen and steal some food. He peeked into the cafeteria, and it was completely empty, save for a single relatively small girl doing school work at one of the tables. Why she was doing it there of all places, it was a mystery. Maybe she had a noisy roommate and there were too many people in the library.

She didn't move as Groose attempted to stealthily enter, evidently more focused on her work, so Groose figured he could just walk into the kitchen and she wouldn't even pay attention. His greater concern was whether the cook was in there or not. While it seemed to be quiet, that wasn't enough to go by; that grumpy old lady could've been a trained ninja. There was no telling.

Fortunately for him, the kitchen was completely empty. Food would be his!

"What are you doing?" a voice of soprano pitch asked from the other side of the room.

Groose froze, immediately beginning to hope that she wasn't one of those rule-obsessed people who was already planning to rat him out. He turned around slowly.

"Why, I'm simply… uh…" he stammered, but stopped upon making eye contact with the girl.

The world went into slow-motion. Even from that far distance, he was captivated by her gorgeous blue eyes.

"Uh. Uh," Groose stuttered. He was unable to find words. She was cute, but to a point that he was shocked that he could possibly find someone who seemed even prettier than Zelda.

The girl raised an eyebrow.

"I UH! I WAS SIMPLY SENT TO FETCH SOMETHING!" Groose declared. "Yep, that's totally it! I shall now fetch said thing!" He marched into the kitchen, then jumped behind a counter. "_Sweet burrito gazebos eating Cheetos_!" he thought. "_She looks more like a goddess than Zelda when dressed up as the goddess earlier today_!" He shook his head. "_No! I must stay focused on the task at hand! It is vital that I think of a clever way out of this as well as achieve my mission! Think Groose, think-_"

He stopped.

"Shortie, what are you doing in here."

Shortie looked around awkwardly, his hand in one of the food cupboards.

"What I'm doing doesn't matter!" Shortie said defensively, pulling his hand out. "What are _you_ doin' in here?"

"Don't mess around, Shortie! What I'm doing is what's of no concern!"

"Why are you still talking like that?"

"Begone! I'm attending to business!"

"Business in what? This cupboard?"

"WHAT ARE YOU TWO ROTTEN KIDS DOING IN HERE?!" they suddenly heard the old lady shout from the doorway.

Knowing what was best, they hightailed out of there, sprinting all the way to the hallway and then down two floors.

"Shortie, you little punk!" Groose said. "If you weren't making so much noise, you wouldn't have gotten me caught!"

"Me?!" Shortie yelled. "You're the one who's talking like _THIS ALL THE TIME_!" He almost flawlessly imitated Groose's dramatic voice.

Groose gasped. "I do not!"

"You just did!"

Groose scoffed. "Whatever! So be it! I have better things to do than communicate with a traitor!" He stormed off. "_I can't believe this! My entire day is a permanent mess! I lost the Wing Ceremony, my minions betrayed me, and I'm suddenly the laughingstock of the whole school!_"

Literally everyone who passed by him didn't even pay attention to him and continued minding their own business.

"_And Zelda, she… Now she's gone who knows where…_" He sniffled, sulking along, but then stopped. He knew what he needed right then; he just needed support. He exited the academy, knowing just where to go for that.

* * *

"Uncle Geraldo, I am in need of your help!" Groose announced as he entered the house.

The tall horned creature before him turned around as dramatic orchestral music played in the background.

"Ah, Groose! What do you need… this time," the 'monster' asked. "If it's money, I'm afraid I can't give it to you. My business hasn't been doing so well, lately."

"It's not money I need, Uncle Geraldo!" Groose said, sitting down on a couch. "My entire day is in shambles! I've faced more catastrophes today than I have the entire last two weeks combined!"

"Is that so? What's troubling you, my boy?"

"Well, I… I failed the Wing Ceremony, my cronies betrayed me in song along with an entire group of people in a restaurant, I got caught trying to steal food thanks to Shortie, and after thinking the day couldn't get any worse… Zelda just went missing! Loser was there with her, I bet it was his fault!" Groose began to breathe very angrily.

"Now now, Groose, get a hold of yourself," Uncle Geraldo told him, putting a hand on his shoulder. "I think that you need… A MOTIVATIONAL SONG!"

Uncle Geraldo took his ukelele out of his cloak.

"GOSH IT DISTURBS ME TO SEE YOU HERE GROOSE-"

"NO!" Groose quickly interrupted. "That was the song everyone made fun of me with!"

Uncle Geraldo looked shocked. "What a bunch of hooligans! That song is meant to restore ego! I suppose I'll have to sing a different song."

He put his ukelele down on a bookshelf and pulled an ancient variant of an electric guitar out of his cloak that was somehow already wired to an amplifier. Groose jumped in his seat when his uncle began to play the instrument like it was nothing. And some way or another, drums were accompanying out of what seemed like no where.

"OOOHHHHH YEEEAAAAH, ALLL RIIIIIIGHT!" Uncle Geraldo began to sing very loudly. Groose cringed slightly, his expression clearly showing that he was beginning to regret his decision to come here.

"Though you always brag and criiiiticize," his uncle sang, "Groose you gotta live by your own feeeeliiiings! And you'd never give in, though you're not wiiise… Cuz you've got that stalwart hair and heart!"

Groose had never heard this song before, but he was positive that his uncle had ripped it off from something.

"I don't know why you've continued to live like this, but surely you've been learning from your life mistakes! I won't ask why, I don't need a reason-you've got your way, and here's what I saaayyyy!"

He took a loud, overdramatized breath.

"IT DOESN'T MATTER NOW WHAT HAPPENS, SAY YOU'LL NEVER GIVE UP THE FIGHT!" Groose wondered when Uncle Geraldo even learned how to play the instrument he had. "Don't end up like me even if it takes all your might! It doesn't matter who is wrong and who is right!"

"Wow, that's depressing," Groose commented as his uncle played a brief musical interlude.

"Though you don't look back, you don't need to! What you do now is what matters now, Groose!"

Groose found himself deep in thought about the words. While Uncle Geraldo's voice didn't match the song at all, at least Groose could understand was he was saying.

"How do you get yourself back on track, you might say? Well I don't know but there's always a waaaaayyy! IT DOESN'T MATTER NOW WHAT HAPPENS, SAY YOU'LL NEVER GIVE UP THE FIGHT! Don't end up like me even if it takes all your might, other than that, do what you think would be all right!"

Then his uncle played a guitar solo. Really well, somehow.

"_Say, why does Uncle Geraldo own a fraud business if he can play like this_?" Groose wondered.

Suddenly there was a key change. "OHHHHH IT DOESN'T MATTER NOW WHAT HAPPENS, SAY YOU'LL NEVER GIVE UP THE FIGHT! Don't end up like me even if it takes all your might! It doesn't matter who is wrong and who is right!" Uncle Geraldo started to sing a little bit too high. "NO NO NO NOOOO! IT DOESN'T MATTERRRRRR!"

"OH DIN MY EARS-!" Groose yelled, covering them quickly.

The song was finished.

"Man, I miss the old days!" Uncle Geraldo exclaimed. "Back in my rockstar days! The screaming audiences, the cash money, the babes, and my mohawk!"

Groose raised an eyebrow.

"Well, I've done my job. Go fix your life, and in the meantime, I'll be down here having an existential crisis as I hope I can find a way to pay my bills this month!"

"Wow! You really do live a depressing life!" Groose stated. "I'll show myself out!"

Which he quickly did.

* * *

Literally nothing significant happened for the rest of the day. Groose found himself lying glumly on his bed again, throwing a ball into one of those miniature basket ball hoops. The fact that Zelda was missing and that Link was still unconscious and unable to give answers filled Groose with great discomfort.

"It musta been his fault," he mumbled to himself. "There weren't any storms today to even be a possible threat. And if she fell offa her bird he coulda just-"

He accidentally threw the ball out the window even though it was ten feet away in the opposite direction.

"Aw crap, that's the third one this week!" he stated.

But suddenly, his Loftwing stuck its head through the window, holding the ball in its beak. It dropped the item on the ground, pulled its head out and closed the window with its wing.

Groose was taken slightly aback. "Terrance…" he said, incredibly touched. "AWW, MAH BIRDIE IS STILL NICE TO MEEE! TERRANCE I LOVE YA MY BEST BUDDY BIRD BRO! YOU DA BOMB!"

"SHUT UP!" Shortie yelled from the other side of the room divider.

Groose gasped. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN HERE, SHORTIE?!" he demanded. "UNLESS YOU'RE HERE TO APOLOGIZE-"

"MY ROOM IS OVER HERE, IDIOT!"

Groose paused. "Oh right. BUT WHATEVER! DON'T RUIN MY BRIEF MOMENT OF HAPPINESS!"

"DO YOU HAVE TO BE OBNOXIOUS WHILE YOU'RE HAPPY?!"

"IF I'M BOTHERIN' YOU THEN GO SOMEWHERE ELSE! IT'S NOT MY BUSINESS!"

Shortie simply responded with a scoff, saying nothing else.

* * *

Dinner happened, sleep happened, and then nothing else anyone would care about happened until the next day.

After spending about an hour on his morning routine alone (which included gelling his hair spike) and sneaking his breakfast into his room (which was against the rules), Groose went outside and decided to fly around on his bird for a little while before facing any people in his first class of the day.

"_I wonder if Loser's woken up yet_," he thought. "_That punk has always had problems with sleeping too much, and now he's gonna miss all those darn senior classes I tried so hard to get into, like, why even let him advance if he's gonna go ahead and ditch his classes by pretending to be asleep-_"

A rock slammed into his hair spike, slanting it over forty five degrees.

While it wasn't painful, the shock of the incident and the fact that his hair was solid enough that it made his head move was enough for Groose to react like the rock had hit him. He somewhat angrily turned his head to where it seemed like the rock had come from to see none other than Sali glaring up at him from a spot in front of the bazaar in the center of town. However, her focus of attention quickly shifted when Link exited the bazaar near her, carrying what was definitely a crappy wooden shield.

"_So he IS awake_," Groose pondered, straightening his hair up again. "_But what in the heck would he need a shield for_?" He was too far away to hear what Link and Sali were talking about. He let out a huff, having no interest anyway. He just wanted to get a little revenge for that rock Sali threw at him. That could've hit him in the head and seriously injured him! Hadn't she considered that?

After contemplating how he would carry out his reprisal for a few minutes, it soon came to his notice that Link, Sali and some blue-haired girl he sort of recognized because she was popular were out in the sky, making their way towards some… strange green beam of light shooting out of the clouds?

"_Holy macaroni that was not there before_," Groose thought.

He shook his head. He could worry about that later.

Groose noticed that they seemed to stop in front of the beam, and that they'd started talking about something. It was a perfect opportunity! He could just pull a small knock-off-bird prank, as he'd done a number of times before to Link. There would be no real damage done! They should have been glad that Groose decided to play nice guy that day.

He still wasn't really sure how the blue-haired girl was involved in this, and he knew that she would get knocked off too despite her lack of involvement. "_That's just what happens when you decide to hang out with people caught up in bad business_," he thought.

"Go, Terrance!" Groose commanded, and the Loftwing zoomed towards the unsuspecting group. "CONVERSATION INTERFERENCE!"

He flew between all of them, the strong gusts created by his bird knocking all three people off their birds. He flew away without looking back, laughing about his victory.

"DANG IT GROOSE! I HOPE YOU GO TO DIN'S LAIR!" he heard Sali's shouts behind him.

"That's what happens when you mess with me!" Groose said, even though no one could hear him over the noisy wind.

* * *

Because a decently large period of time where nothing plot-related happened needed to be skipped, a musical number happened.

_WOOWOODAHWOOWOO YEEEAAAH_  
_DEDEDAT DEDEDAT DEDEDATDATDATDATDATDAT OHHH_

_The story begins with who's gonna win_  
_Knowin' the danger that lies within_  
_Doing whatever it takes to return_  
_The way that things are to the way that they were_

_I am the Groose Man, that's what I am_  
_I am the Groose Man, I got the master plan_  
_I am the Groose Man, that's what I am_  
_I am the Groose Man, I got the master plan_

_I'm plotting my schemes wherever I go_  
_My usual tricks for victory_  
_And even with all of those meddling foes_  
_Soon enough no one will be messin' with me_

_I must play this game by my rules_  
_I will prove I'm the coolest in school_  
_Even if my cronies think I'm a loser_  
_I will rebuild my repute_  
_I will succeed, and they will see_  
_I ain't the type who pulls a retreat_

_I am the Groose Man, that's what I am_  
_I am the Groose Man, I got the master plan_  
_I am the Groose Man, that's what I am_  
_I am the Groose Man, I got the master plan_

_This is my story, the lead is me_  
_My mission, yeah, I must complete_  
_My name is Groose, don't forget my name_  
_If you ask me again, it'd be really lame_

_I am the Groose Man, that's what I am_  
_I am the Groose Man, I got the master plan_  
_I am the Groose Man, that's what I am_  
_I am the Groose Man, I got the master, master plan_

_I AM THE GROOSE MAN!_

After the time transition, Groose stormed up to the lunch table where Squad Loser was seated. Also known as Link, Sali and Nami (Groose had finally gotten around to remembering her name and what exactly she was like), the three people who were always hanging out all of a sudden.

"OH MY DIN. YOU GUYS," he began, "WHERE'S ZELDA?!" He grabbed the front of Link's tunic, attempting to be threatening. "PUNK! YOU HAD SOMETHING TO DO WITH THIS, DIDN'T YOU?!" But rather than sounding angry, he sounded more like he was on the verge of dramatically crying.

"HEY YOU!" Sali yelled at him, standing up on her chair so their heights were more matched. "I'M STILL ANGRY YOU KNOCKED US OFF OUR BIRDS THAT ONE TIME A FEW DAYS AGO! You know you would've gotten us all KILLED if we were normal people, right?! We were close enough to the clouds that our birds-" She stopped, looking at her friends for a brief moment. "Uh. Our… our birds caught us at the last second! How about you rethink your obnoxious trolls next time, to make sure they don't KILL people?!"

"U-uh, I, uh, sorry?" Groose stammered, backing off. "I-I just didn't realize how close to the clouds we were!"

"THANK YOU FOR ADMITTING HOW DUMB YOU ARE!"

"Okay, Sali. Time to stop," Nami told her.

"MAYBE ONE DAY WHEN YOU'D STOP BEING SUCH A-"

"SALI! Everyone is staring at you!"

Sali groaned. "ONE DAY, Groose. **One day**." She sat back down in a huff. Groose frowned, and walked away gloomily, his arms hanging down in front of him.

He sighed almost irritably. That girl's attitude was inexcusable; not even he was that bad! He might've pulled cruel jokes, but at least he didn't scream in people's faces.

Did he really… deserve that?

"_No, I'm redeeming myself! I've changed from my old ways! Well. Sort of. She just doesn't know, because she hasn't been here_!" Groose thought.

He paused, both in thought and movement.

"_… Where HAVE they been going_?"

* * *

Groose was greatly confused. It suddenly occurred to him that over the last two days, this odd group was missing for most of daylight. He was so confused that he was no longer concerned about maintaining his Gaston impression.

Link, he could draw conclusions about. He must've been tasked with locating Zelda, being the one whose fault her disappearance was, after all. But… the girls? Not a clue.

He was determined to get to the bottom of it. Unfortunately for him, they were already gone by the time he decided this. But luckily, they came back much earlier than expected, and he had another chance that day when, immediately after returning, they were already on their way back to one of those weird beams of light, the three of them appearing to be tied together with a very long rope for some peculiar reason.

Groose decided to tail them, and saw them all drop off their birds. And they fell. And kept falling.

"_Holy Nayru on a treadmill, what they doin_'?!" Groose internally screamed.

But no. There was no turning back now. The beams popped up when Zelda disappeared. Surely they must've had something to do with locating her, and Squad Loser was going to lead Groose right to her!

Screaming incoherently, Groose dropped off his bird above the green beam of light.

Squad Loser turned their heads in expeditious concern.

The world seemed to slow down for a moment.

_There were Grooses in the sky_  
_and I never heard them screaming_  
_No, I never heard them at all_  
_Till there was youuuu_

Reality kicked in and the world returned to normal motion.

"GROOSE! WHAT THE DIN'S LAIR ARE YOU DOING!" Sali shouted at him.

"HHHHGGGGGGGGGAJSKHDAJKLSDHK!" Groose continued to scream like he was transforming into super mode. He grabbed hold of Link's leg, weighing everyone down and dragging them all down, because he was significantly larger than all three of them.

The landing was rough.

"Ow…" Groose mumbled, sitting up from the ground. Around him were the three squad members, all lying on the ground from the land. "I think I mighta broke something. Ey guys, what's even going on here-"

He looked at his feet, and there were tiny birds hopping around. He screamed like a manly anime schoolgirl, scaring the birds away.

"ARE THOSE BIRDS?! WHY ARE THEY TINY?!" he exclaimed.

* * *

REPEATED CONVERSATION LATER…

"GRANNIE! GROOSE IS HERE TO SAVE THE DAY!" Groose announced, bursting through the doors of the temple.

"Who the heck are you?" the old lady asked.

"I am Groose, the hero of Grooseland, and I'm here to rescue the beautiful Zelda from her distressing damseldom!" Groose struck a dramatic pose.

The old lady raised an eyebrow. "Can you repeat that? It sounded like you said 'I'm here to be annoying and ruin everything', but I can't be sure," she said. "My hearing _has_ started to go out with my age."

Groose didn't know what to say. He stood there, mouth agape at this old lady's attitude. He would've believed that she was related to Sali if he didn't know better.

"D-Don't mess around, Grannie!" Groose snapped, storming up to her. "I'm here to rescue Zelda and be the hero!"

"No," the old lady told him flatly.

Groose frowned deeply. "Why? Isn't this my destiny or something? Why else would I be here in this mystical world I've cleverly named after myself before anyone else can right now?!"

"No, it's not your destiny, it's already been decided whose it is. I don't even know why you're here. Do I need to be clearer?"

"Whaaaa?!" Groose exclaimed. "You gotta be kidding, Grannie!"

"I'm not kidding, _grandchild_," the old lady told him. "You are not the one who will save her. The spirit maiden, your Zelda, can only be saved by the chosen ones."

"OH SNAP!" Groose heard Sali yell from the temple entrance. It echoed in the room.

"It is their fate to do this thing, and it will save us. It was decided long before you were brought crying into this world."

"_DOUBLE_ SNAP! The old lady's belittling your nonexistent greatness!"

Groose was just downright offended now. "SHUT IT, GRANNIE! You obviously don't know what's goin' on! Cuz if you did, you'd know that if anyone's gonna save Zelda, it's Groose!"

"Heroes don't refer to themselves in third person," the old lady told him.

"How could it not be me?! If it ain't me, then why am I even here? If I, of all people, am not up to this job, just who is?"

"Those kids who just walked in."

Groose turned around to the approaching Squad Loser. "Oh. OHH. I see how it is. Old granny's going on about how ya'll are the big heroes who are gonna rescue Zelda."

"Okay. Really. What's with the sudden ya'lls," Sali spoke. Groose wasn't really sure either, he was just feeling a lot of feelings at the moment.

"It's a total joke! All I've heard is a bunch of babbling about destiny, but that's a load of garbage!" Groose said with a huff. "Look, I understand Sali bein' able to pull it off, like, she's freakin' scary, and maybe Nami could save everyone by befriending everything, but I know you, Link. You're a shrimp and you know it!"

"I'm a heroic shrimp," Link told him.

"Yeah, uh, Groose," Nami started, "you haven't really made it to the point of being allowed to call me that."

"TRIPLE. FRICKING. SNAP," Sali announced.

"THERE'S A RANKING SYSTEM?!" Groose exclaimed in disbelief. "THIS DAY SUUUUCKS!" He ran outside, suppressing the urge to cry.

What kind of sick joke was this? He wasn't the hero that was going to save Zelda? Then what was the meaning of all this? Was it all the result of a foolish decision? Or did this have a deeper meaning? The sassy old lady made it sound like destiny made things happen. So he must have been in Grooseland for a reason!

Maybe the old lady just didn't see it, she didn't see his value in the Groose Saga. It was named after him! Of course he was the main character! They must've all had it wrong. There must have been something he could do!

He sat down next to the outer wall of the temple looking depressed until the ground suddenly started shaking. He immediately started to panic, because there weren't earthquakes in Skyloft. He'd only heard about them in fairy tales.

Squad Loser raced outside, the old lady following behind them.

"Wh-wh-what's going on?!" Groose stammered. "Why's it be earthquakin'?!"

"What language are you speaking?!" Sali shouted.

"Go, quickly!" the old lady told the squad. "Check on the sealing spike at the bottom of the pit! There is nothing natural about these tremors. The monster could free itself at any moment, so be very cautious!"

"_Monster_?!" Groose thought. "_What in tarnation is going on around here_?!" He paused. "_And what in tarnation is going on with my speech and thought process habits_."

ONE IMPRISONED BATTLE DURING WHICH GROOSE SPENT THE MAJORITY OF THE TIME HIDING LATER…

After eavesdropping on the conversation that was going on inside the temple for a little while, Groose decided to walk in and try to draw attention to himself.

"I guess you really do got it all figured out, Grannie," he scoffed. "Me, well, there's nothin' I can do to help Zelda. I'm just that useless jock character." He started walking towards the door again, as if he entered just to interrupt.

"Ah, you sell yourself short, mah boi," the old lady told him. "You'll see in time that you have your own role to play in this story other than that of the useless uneducated jock." Despite her saying this, Groose walked out anyway.

"Hmph. Mah boi she says…" he grumbled.

He paused.

"_Wait… Mah boi_?" Realization came over him. "_I know the tales of herodom! Only important people get called that!_"

He must have been important after all!

Well. Maybe.


	13. Naiveté

The Bizarre Saga: Skyward Sword  
Chapter 13: Naiveté

_Previously on the Bizarre Saga, we went a bit back in time to see what was going on with Groose, who, in the last chapter, tried to fix his life, met a cute girl, and got roasted by an old lady, but then the writer assumed that people were sick of reading about him and wanted to know what happened next in actual story, so we returned to the regularly scheduled program._

_Now for Chapter Thirteen._

"… Okay. So you're telling me that Eric guy just-" Link started.

"YES I'M TELLING YOU THAT," Sali interrupted him. "Since we've established it just say YEAH I GET IT and we can decide what to do about it! So do you think Nami and Eric are going to get together or what?"

"… What…?"

"Oh my DIN, you should have _seen_ those two," Sali continued. "They were staring into each other's eyes like Eric isn't a demon who's probably killed hundreds of people!"

"Weren't the demons sealed away or something?" Link asked. "And didn't Eric say that he was born after the war?"

"I SAID PROBABLY!"

"I think you need to calm down."

"I WAS CALM FOR LIKE AN HOUR TALKING TO HIM AND NOW I NEED TO EXPRESS MY FEELINGS! THE FACT THAT NAMI COULD POTENTIALLY TURN ON US AT ANY GIVEN TIME ASIDE-"

"Sali, Nami's not going to betray us."

"-NOW WE KNOW THAT IT'S POSSIBLE FOR A DEMON TO GET INTO SKYLOFT! What if Emo-Haired Make-up Lord figures out how to get up here?! And who even cares why Eric is here; what if he has a tracking device on him and then the weirdo will know that he got up here and figure out that HE CAN and then we'll just be trapped up here unable to do anything because if we go down to the surface he'll just be WAITING THERE FOR US SO HE CAN MAKE US TAKE HIM UP HERE-"

"Sali! Calm down!" Link said, cutting her off. "You're overthinking this! We don't have all the details!"

"What do you mean we don't have all the details?! Eric is in Skyloft, and he says it's because he's curious about humans, but that's probably a load of crap! Heck, he could even be planning to go running back to his drag queen master being all like this is how we can get into the sky and then he's going to _pretend_ that it wasn't his fault and act like the victim as we all get slaughtered because it's all part of his plan to make us trust him!"

"Like I _said_, we don't have all the details," Link repeated. "If you can come up with this many theories, we don't have enough information to narrow it down."

"We can't GET information! There's no one we can trust!"

* * *

MEANWHILE…

"So then the cashier said, we only take credit and cash, and I was like, what the heck, why can't I run my debit as a credit? I can literally do that at every other store," Eric said. "It was ridiculous! Needless to say I didn't go to that store anymore."

"Sounds rough," Nami replied. "Up here we just have rupees. I don't know if that's better or worse."

"Oh yeah, speaking of that, their monetary value being based on color doesn't make a whole lot of sense," Eric stated. "Can't people just spraypaint them?"

"Are you kidding me? It's easy to tell if something's been painted."

"Okay, okay, fair point."

"I'm pretty sure Groose tried that once," Nami said. She paused. "Oh Din. I haven't even told you about Groose. I'm not sure whether to think he's obnoxious or hilarious. I mean, he's really obnoxious, and he's given a number of people lots of trouble, but sometimes he's hilarious from a distance because he's such an overdramatic idiot. But most of the time he's really obnoxious."

Eric laughed. "I know some people like that."

"You don't even know," Nami continued. "Groose is like an entirely new level of obnoxious. His name is worth becoming an adjective because of it."

She stopped, looking around them.

"Whoa. I just realized how dark it got," she said. "How long have we been sitting here?" She pulled out the patroller light she apparently had in her magic pocket the entire time and switched it on.

"I, uh… I don't know," Eric answered, partially distracted by the flashlight. "I wasn't keeping track."

"Is the amount of time you spend here limited?" Nami asked. "Do you have to go back…?"

"Well…" Eric started, looking at the ground. "I told my master that I…"

Nami's expression became unexpectedly dark. "Do you really need to keep calling him that?" she asked, the cheer in her voice gone in an instant, almost lowering in pitch. "He's not even here."

"I… I guess not," Eric responded, taken slightly aback. "A-Anyway I told him… some excuse for needing to leave for a while and he actually believed me…"

Nami's regular look returned. "Seriously? What did you tell him? I wanna know!"

"Uh…"

_FLASHBACK TIME!_

_"Master, I… I need to leave for a while," Eric said._

_"What? Whatever for?" Ghirahim asked, not sounding particularly pleased._

_Eric took a deep breath. "I… I'm going to meet with someone! Like… uh… a girl…"_

_Ghirahim gasped. "WHAAAT? OH MAAAIII-" _

Eric didn't want to remember the rest of the flashback.

"_I think that's the only thing I could have said to make him believe me_," Eric thought. He shook his head. "I… really don't want to talk about it," he said.

"Aw come on," Nami whined. "You can tell me, I'm the best secret keeper in Skyloft! Well. According to most people."

Eric frowned.

"All right all right fine, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to," Nami said with a sigh. "That aside, how long can you stay?"

"Well, I suppose I could technically stay overnight, but… I don't want to draw attention to myself or… bother anyone… not to mention it may not have the greatest effects on what will happen when I _do_ go back…"

He already knew what Ghirahim would think if he was away for the whole night.

"Don't worry! You won't be bothering anyone, and definitely not me!" Nami reassured him quickly. "Well. Except maybe Sali, but I'm pretty sure that ninety percent of the people she knows bother her."

Eric let out a little laugh, but the feeling didn't last long. "Even so… There's nowhere for me to stay. This city is so small, anyone could realize that I'm a stranger and then they could figure out what I am…"

"Hey," Nami started, putting a hand on his shoulder. He flinched at the contact. "It's going to be all right!" She smiled brightly.

He didn't immediately respond. He looked at her for a few moments, only to let his gaze fall to the ground again.

"… How can you be so nice to me…?" he asked. "I… I almost killed your friends… And you…"

"But you were under orders, and we're okay, aren't we?"

"Even so… I've never met anyone like you," Eric said. "I don't even know how you can be so trusting. Your friend was very skeptical, and I don't blame her."

"… Are you serious?" Nami asked. "We just talked for longer than either of us realized and you're still thinking like this?" She held a finger up. "Stop. Stop thinking like that right now. Do you think I care what you are or where you come from? You're still a person!"

"Do you really?" Eric inquired harshly. He grabbed her hand. "Do you feel that? Do you feel that unnatural heat radiating from my fingertips? I'm not _human_, I'm born to hurt them!"

Nami's expression became steadily devoid of emotion.

"How do you expect me to respond to that?" she asked slowly. "Do you expect me to say, _oh no, I'm so scared, stay away from me_!" Having been sitting on the ground, she rose to her knees in front of Eric, him still holding onto her hand. "You've probably had this drilled into your head, but what do you expect to happen from saying that? No, Eric. I don't care that you're not human." She placed her other hand onto his grip. "Nor have I ever. So stop this garbage thinking and _forgive yourself_, because anyone can change if they want to."

Eric sat there, speechless.

The corner of his mouth rose slightly into a crooked smile.

"If you were wrong about me…" he started, "wouldn't that be really awful…"

Nami looked confused. "… Huh…?"

"I suppose it's a good thing you're not…"

* * *

"… Okay, yeah, maybe, I was mostly unconscious during their first conversation, but your argument seems pretty valid," Link said.

"Oh wait, crap!" Sali exclaimed. "We're supposed to have opposite perspectives so we can make a bet on which one will be right!"

"But it's totally going to happen. Why don't we just celebrate when it does by going out to dinner or something?"

"But then neither of us wins!"

"We _both_ win."

"There's no winning if there isn't a losing!"

"All right then, you can go ahead and bet that they aren't going to get together if you want a competition that badly."

"BUT! THEY ARE!"

"Then deal with it."

"Hey guys, what's going on?" Nami asked, walking up to them. She had Eric following behind her, his fluffy hood up and hands in his pockets.

"IT'S THEM!" Sali dramatically exclaimed. "Uh. I mean. We're just talking. Yep. Where were you?"

"Hanging out behind the cave the entire time," Nami answered. "We had to go back through it in order to get out, but fortunately I had my handy dandy flashlight on me."

"The light that you discreetly borrowed?" Link asked.

"Yeah, that light."

Sali shot a glance over at Eric, who flinched in response. He could teleport; why did he decide to make them walk through the cave? She went through the possibilities; perhaps he could only teleport to places he was significantly familiar with. But if that was true, how did he teleport the two of them to that spot to begin with? Or, considering that flamey thing that happened every time he teleported, maybe doing it at night would draw attention.

Or he had a limit to how often he could teleport…

Or maybe he just wanted to be a jerk.

Her favorite possibility, however, was that he was too dang shy to come into physical contact with Nami.

Sali had to admit that, while she didn't trust Eric, it sure as heck would be interesting to learn about how his magic worked.

"Okay so, we kinda have a dilemma on our hands," Nami said. "Eric is going to stay overnight-"

"WHAT?!" Sali immediately interrupted her.

Everyone was quiet, leaving Sali to realize how loudly she had just said that.

"Uh. I mean…" she started, looking around awkwardly, "Wha…what? He is?"

"Yes, he is," Nami repeated. "There's nothing forcing him to leave, and matters have made things convenient, so he's gonna be staying here."

"What do you mean things are convenient?" Link asked.

"It's freakily convenient," Nami continued. "My roommate happens to be staying over with her parents for the next few days, so a little bit of secretive guest housing will be easy peasy."

"What? You're just gonna let him sleep in her half of the room?" Sali questioned rather disbelievingly. "Do you have any idea how many problems raises in terms of common sense?"

"No, no, no!" Nami told her. "I'm gonna sleep in her half, and Eric is going to sleep in my room!"

Eric fidgeted.

"She'll never know that I was even in there," Nami said. "Likewise, nobody will know that Eric was in my room. Right, Ricky?"

Eric didn't respond.

"What, are you suddenly socially awkward?" Sali asked him. She paused, then quickly turned her head back to Nami. "Wait, what the heck was that?" She pulled the blue-haired girl closer to her by the sleeve and lowered the volume of her voice. "Did you just call him a fricking nickname?"

"Gurl, I do what I want," Nami responded.

Sali spun around to face Link. "I told you!" she said, whispering loudly, as if Eric wouldn't hear her as long as she spoke like that.

"Can we just think about this?" Link asked Nami. "You realize that if you get caught, you're pretty much screwed, right? Especially if the headmaster finds out, because he actually knows what we're doing during the day."

"He could probably just look at Eric and be able to tell where he came from," Sali added needlessly, looking the demon straight in the eye.

"You're not helping," Nami grumbled. "We're not going to get caught. People don't just go ahead and knock on people's doors late at night. And even so, I can just pull the divider over to get through it and answer my door if anyone _does_ knock. I've got the whole thing sorted out already, back-up plans and everything."

"Whatever you say," Sali said. "But if anything goes wrong, we're not involved in it."

Nami half-smiled. "Naturally."

* * *

It was eight o'clock. Nami and Eric peeked around the corner, scanning the academy hallway for people. There was no one out at the moment.

"Fortunately, my room is right at this end, as you can tell by the conspicuous sign on the door," Nami whispered. "And there's a set of smaller bathrooms over here, so not only do you not have to cross the entire hallway, but you won't have to worry about it being a public one."

They slipped over to the door and quietly entered the room, Eric looking around in awe like he was entering a new world. Though, there wasn't anything spectacular about it; it was a rather plain room with the furnishing customized to Nami's liking, and a few custom decorations. After all, they switched rooms every year, so getting fancy with it just proved to be an inconvenience. Well, except for when it came to Groose, who somehow had the patience to transport his self-created private gym from room to room.

It occurred to Nami that Groose was probably still stuck down on the surface.

"_Well, guess he's going camping with the old lady_," she thought.

She sighed, leaning on the door.

"What's the matter?" Eric asked her.

"I can't believe I missed dinner," she mumbled. "I mean, I don't regret what happened, but the time just passed right over my head."

"I-I'm sorry," Eric said. "It's my fault."

"Don't apologize," Nami replied. "You didn't do anything. I'll just go ask one of my friends for something out of her food stash. I'll be right back, her room is only a little bit down the hall."

"… What if someone comes in?"

"No one's going to! I'll only be gone for like two minutes."

She stepped out, closing the door behind her, leaving Eric alone in the room.

He sat down at the desk, looking around, not sure what else to do. The room might have appeared normal to a human, but their-or at least Nami's-sense of decoration was a lot more pleasant than Ghirahim's. Eric was getting really sick of seeing diamonds all the time, especially in the atrocious color schemes that Ghirahim picked.

Eric's nervousness from the idea of where he was never really faded. He lifted his palm up; it was still shaking slightly. It was hard to tell if it was just him, or if it was really a warning directed towards his presence in the sky. It didn't feel like ordinary unease.

That aside, it wasn't helping that he found himself in this situation either, it giving him a number of reasons to feel the way he did. How much Nami trusted him alone was enough to make him uncomfortable.

She was too naive, even if he wasn't planning to hurt her.

She was _lucky_ he wasn't.

"Knock knock," Nami said, entering the room with a sandwich. Eric jumped in surprise. "Food acquired."

Eric said nothing as Nami walked over to her dresser, his eyes simply following her.

"I'm gonna change in the other room," she stated. "You can go ahead and lock the door. I'll be back in a bit."

After pulling her pajamas out of the door, she walked over to the edge of the divider where there was no furniture in the way and carefully attempted to pull it aside just enough for her to fit through. Eric was about to walk over and help her, but since she was only turning the edge, it didn't take as much effort as he thought it might have.

He slowly sunk back into the chair as she slid it closed again, looking around the room awkwardly as he heard the shifting of clothes.

Way too naive.

* * *

The next morning, Sali and Nami ended up meeting in the bathroom.

"So. How'd your little plan go?" Sali asked, combing through her long hair.

"Flawlessly," Nami answered, smiling proudly. "He even taught me how to play two new card games. Do you have any idea how nice he really is? I'm having a hard time believing any of that happened when we first met him."

Sali scoffed. "You're the only one he didn't mortally injure," she grumbled under her breath. "If I didn't have that potion then Link and I would both be dead."

Nami's smile diminished. "But you _did_ have that potion. And he was under orders." She looked down at the floor. "He didn't have a choice. Because if he did, then he wouldn't have done it."

"How do you know that? How do you know he's not just tricking you?" Sali asked bitterly.

Nami was silent for a moment.

"Because good actors can recognize each other," she said, picking up her things and leaving.

* * *

At the cafeteria…

"Aw, look at those cuties," Nami said, noticing Karane and Pipit holding hands under a table across the room.

"Where's Eric? Is he still in your room?" Link whispered.

"Yeah," she replied. "I gotta finish really fast and get back to him. He says that he needs to go back down to the surface today, and I need to say good-bye to him beforehand."

"We're probably gonna see him later today anyway," Sali mumbled.

"So uh. Quest-wise, what the heck are we supposed to do next again? We got all the tablets, so now we gotta, uh… something about flames…?"

"Power up the sword with sacred flames that we'll find in areas we've already visited so we can wake up the time portal in the temple where the old lady is," Link told her. Nami nodded, the information coming back to her.

"I just remembered that Emo-haired Make-up Lord was planning on killing us all in the most painful way we could possibly imagine," Sali stated. "You think he forgot or something? I bet the next time he sees us he'll just be like _whoopdedoo I smeared my fricking lipstick here's a scary monster that'll probably kill you._"

"Does he wear lipstick?" Nami asked.

"I have no clue, but my guess would be probably."

* * *

"_All right. I can do this. I can face the consequences of staying overnight_," Eric thought, pacing around Nami's room. "_It might be extremely awkward but I can handle it. This isn't the first time I've lied to him_."

There was a knock on the door in rhythm. Eric, knowing that it was Nami, opened it up slowly, and the girl quickly slipped in.

"Okay. The town is waking up," Nami told him. "You need to go back now, right? How are you going to do that? Is there anything I can do to help?"

"It's all right," Eric told her. "I… I can teleport back down. It'll be difficult because of the distance, but I can do it."

"Really? Could you get hurt because of it?" Nami asked, concern in her voice.

"It's the best way. Besides, the aftermath won't be that bad."

He sounded rather doubtful, but Nami didn't argue with him.

"So… I guess… it's been nice spending time with you," Eric said. "I don't know what I'm going to do now, but hopefully I'll figure it out."

"Remember, you can ask for my help any time you need to!" Nami told him. "It wouldn't even bother me if you came back sometime!"

"Well… uh… see you around."

Before he could do anything else, Nami pulled him into a quick hug.

"Same!" she said.

"… Uh. Yeah. B-Bye," Eric stuttered, unable to find words or even move for that matter.

He disappeared in his usual way right in front of her.

"_… Holy NAYRU, that guy_," Nami thought. "_He's like a walking heating pad._"

She collapsed onto her real bed, laughing quietly as the events of the last fourteen hours sank in.

But suddenly she sat up, noticing that Eric's coat was hanging on the bedpost.

"Crap, he forgot it," Nami mumbled, spinning her legs around to the floor. She picked up the coat and held it up in front of her. "I guess I'll just have to return it when I see him later…"

She looked back and forth as if somebody could be watching before smiling and slipping the coat on.

"_Geez, how does he wear this thing all the time?_" she wondered, looking at herself in the mirror. The coat, naturally, was too big for her. "_Especially at the volcano! Maybe he's immune to high temperatures…_"

Nami took the coat off and glanced at the magic pocket attached to her belt.

"_I wonder_…"

Somehow, she easily crammed it into the hand-sized pocket.

Even though she'd seen it done before, she couldn't help but be amazed. "_Holy crud. I'm not Link but how is this a logic_."

She looked over at the door and sighed.

Time for another day.

* * *

"Master, before we depart for Faron Woods, I have information to share," Fi said, appearing from the sword on Link's back.

"Wow, we haven't seen you since yesterday," Sali commented.

"Located somewhere in the woods will be a Trial Gate. In order to find the required sacred flames, a trial must be passed to obtain the item that will allow you to reach the destination."

"Oh yeah, that," Link said. "So we have to… do more random irrelevant jobs in order to get to new places. Hooray…"

"I concur," Sali stated. "Isn't it more important that we actually get things done than do these test things? Are they really that important?"

"The trials were created for a significant reason," Fi continued. "As there are three areas you must visit, there are three trials, one for each of you chosen. Miss Nameya will be able to guide you to the gate, and to open it, you must play the song you learned on the Isle of Songs. In addition, she will be the one who does the first trial."

"Wh…what's the trial?" Nami asked, feeling pressured.

"That will be explained at the time of the trial."

"Oh Din… What if it's something I'm bad at?"

"I think you'll be fine," Link told her. "I don't think you'd be trialed with something you can't do. Everyone is so obsessed with destiny that this thing was probably designed for you, whatever it is."

"Man… I can only hope…"

"I have additional information," Fi said. "Now that you have been to these areas before, the bird statues you have previously encountered can be used to bring yourself to those places on the surface when you fall."

"Wait, we can control where we fall to?" Link asked. "That's nice. How does that work?"

"Mental imagery," Fi answered before flipping back into the sword.

It hardly made sense, but most things didn't, so they just went with it.

They did their usual inconvenient way of getting down to the surface and all landed right on top of the stone structure in front of the entrance to the deep woods. It was where Sali had thrown that rock at the vine that made no sense either.

"All right Nami, do your thing," Sali told her.

"Yeah yeah, I'm on it," the blue-haired girl answered. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes for a few seconds. When they opened again, they had become violet, just as they had the first time. "Hey, would you look at that…" She looked down off the edge of the structure. "The gate is right down there. Talk about lucky."

They all walked off the structure and down to the center of the dirt patch at the bottom, Nami pulling the harp out of her magic pocket as they went.

Almost immediately after she began strumming, a strange blue mark with a triangle in the center of it appeared on the ground, and Fi jumped out to float above it. Nami just went along with it and started to play the song she had learned, Fi robotically singing along with it.

Link and Sali watched as, the further Nami got into the song, the more blue 'petals' appeared around the center marking that had also started to change color. When they had finished, a mandala pattern had been created.

"Something here is reacting to our performance of Farore's Courage," Fi stated. "I have confirmed the appearance of a strange mark on the ground."

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure we all have, Captain Obvious," Sali said.

"I calculate a 90% possibility that this mark is a Trial Gate."

"Nope, that's definitely a Trial Gate," Nami spoke, putting the harp away.

Fi turned to face Link. "Master, I ask that you thrust your sword into the center of the mark on the ground before you. It will activate the gate, and Miss Nameya will be taken to the accessed area of trial."

Link drew the sword as Fi went back into it, looking down at the mark with hesitation.

"Ahhh, I'm nervous," Nami said, bouncing slightly in place. "What's the trial gonna be? Can't I know beforehand?"

"Relax," Sali told her. "You'll do just fine."

"But I don't know what it is! And how is this fair? Won't I do it and then you guys will get a head start or something? Or are all of our trials different?!"

"Nami. Deep breaths. None of us know what's going to happen, but we believe you can handle it. Right, Link?"

"Uh, yeah," Link replied.

"All right, all right," Nami said, closing her eyes. "I'll do my best. Go ahead, Link."

Link looked at the sword for a moment before shoving it into the ground.

Nami immediately swayed and collapsed. Sali, fortunately, was standing there to catch her.

"Whoa, what's the big idea?" Sali asked.

"The trial will take place in a spiritual realm," Fi answered. "Consequently, Miss Nameya will be unconscious for a short period of time. Where her spirit has gone, I calculate a 98% probability that she is very confused. It is my responsibility to explain the trial to her while she is there. I will not be able to respond for some time."

For the first time in literally ever, Fi closed her eyes.

"Well, uh… what do we do now?" Sali wondered.

Link shrugged. "Dunno," he said. "I guess we wait until they're done." He pulled a deck of cards out of his pocket. "Want to play something?"

"What? Why do you even have that?"

"Hey, you never know when you need to wait for something."

Sali sighed. "Fine, it's not like we have anything better to do."

Link took out a picnic blanket.

"Are you fricking serious?"

"It's so we don't have to sit on the ground," Link told her, spreading it near the Trial Gate.

"… What the heck, Link."

* * *

About fifteen minutes later, Link and Sali had situated themselves on the blanket with Nami's head on Sali's lap. They were currently in the middle of a game, and while Link was taking his time on his turn, Sali was messing around with Nami's hair.

"Seriously, how can it be this vibrant of a color?" she wondered. She looked up. "Link, are you done yet?"

"Be patient," he replied, staring as his cards intently.

With a definitely-not-patient groan, Sali turned her attention back to Nami, wondering what the blue-haired girl was going through. There was certainly no telling by the look on her face; Nami just looked like she was sleeping.

But suddenly, her grey eyes shot open, making Sali jump. The blue-haired girl immediately sat up, but since Sali's head was in the way, they collided.

"OW!" they both yelled in pain at the same time.

"Morning," Link said. "How was it?"

Nami was practically hyperventilating. "It was fricking awful!" she answered harshly, rubbing her forehead. "I don't even know what they were thinking, I can't tell whether I'm more freaked out by what I had to do or angry that anyone even thought that was a good idea!"

"Okay, okay, lie back down," Sali told her, gently laying the blue-haired girl back onto her lap, deciding to be calm about this. "What happened?"

"I-I-I… Goddesses, it was terrible," Nami stammered, covering her face with her hands. "I am literally never doing that again."

"What did you have to do?" Sali repeated.

"I had to, like… collect a bunch of weird tear things in a creepy version of this area. But, if I didn't collect them fast enough, then these ten feet tall metal guys would come after me with maces the size of me and try to hit me with them, and if they did, then I had to start over and collect all the tears again. And that's just scratching the surface, there were also these flying cape guys with swords that would laugh as they chased me around, and this weird water stuff that made all of them come after me before my timer ran out and I just… Din it was like a fricking nightmare I swear I was in there for like an hour and a half-"

"You were only out for about fifteen minutes," Link stated.

"That's totally beside the point! I have no idea what the point of this was other than to scare the crap out of me and realize I have a fear of being pursued!"

"But you did it, didn't you?" Sali asked her.

"Well… yeah, but… I still hated it and I want to complain about it, especially the fact that I didn't even get a warning until I was being thrown straight into it! You have no idea how traumatized I feel right now, like, I will never be able to look at this area the same way again."

"… Did you get the item thing?" Link questioned.

"Oh, right…" Nami began, sitting up and reaching into her pocket. "This."

She pulled out a peculiar emblem. It was a red diamond-shaped gem with golden 'wings' that resembled the purple crests that Link had been using the Skyward Strike on in other areas, except they were a bit more square. It appeared to be a piece of jewelry since the wings were connected by a necklace chain.

"I still don't know what it is," Nami said.

"Miss Nameya," Fi started, "do you recall when you discovered your destiny inside the goddess statue, and the message you were given?"

"Uh… Guardian something," the blue-haired girl answered. "Something about magic? Oh right, magic. Unless that was just referring to the dowsing thing, that's kind of what I've been going by. Except for the healing thing? I don't even know."

"Should you equip this item, it will awaken your magic potential. To equip the item, open your Start Menu-"

"Uh… I think I'm just going to put it on," Nami told her. She disconnected the chain end, put it around her neck, and reattached it. "I don't feel anythi-" She suddenly stopped. "Whoa."

_**Something awakened inside Nami!**_

"What? What happened?" Sali asked her.

"I-I don't know, I just feel different," Nami replied. "Like something just clicked in my head."

"Miss Nameya, I can confirm a number of new abilities that you have gained," Fi explained. "These magical abilities are: immediate advanced swimming ability, prolonged lung capacity, That Water Spin Thing Straight From Super Mario Galaxy, the ability to transfer these skills to others, and Healing Alpha."

"Prolonged lung capacity? You mean I can hold my breath longer or something?" Nami asked, not even questioning the thing Fi mentioned about the water spin. "What's the deal with that?"

"I have a feeling that the next dungeon is going to be water-related," Link pointed out.

"I calculate an 82% chance that your suggestion is affirmative, Master," Fi said. "With these newly acquired abilities, we will be able to proceed to the first sacred flame. It is likely in an area that we have not been able to previously reach."

"Hmm… where could that be…" Nami wondered.

She had an idea.

"_Lead me to the sacred flame_," she commanded in her thoughts.

Her eyes became violet instantly.

"What are you doing, Nami?" Sali asked.

"I really wish I had figured out how to do this earlier," the blue-haired girl answered. She pointed off in a distance. "We're going that way. Also, our clothes are going to get wet. Go back to the sky and get a change of clothes, yay or nay?"

Link and Sali looked at each other simultaneously with surprised expressions.


	14. To Herodom!

**Happy New Year!**

* * *

The Bizarre Saga: Skyward Sword  
Chapter 14: To Herodom!

_Previously on the Bizarre Saga, Link was being calm, Sali was freaking out, Nami got a thing that lets her use magic as a result of a stupid trial, Eric was also freaking out, Groose probably went camping, people were being serious, more shenanigans happened, and the plot actually progressed._

_Now for Chapter Fourteen._

A decent amount of time later, the team had climbed up to the top of the gigantic tree in the center of the woods as Nami had guided them.

However, there ended up being nothing up there except for a sleeping creature.

"What the heck, this isn't the sacred flame!" Nami exclaimed rather angrily. "This is literally an archaic version of a Kikwi snoring like my grandma trying to imitate a lawn mower!"

"Maybe it can tell us where to go?" Link suggested. "I don't thing your powers would just misguide us, they've never done that before."

"Must've led us to plot progression or something," Sali said. "HEY! OLD PERSON! WAKE UP!"

Before anyone could say anything, she picked up a random rock and chucked it at the branch the Kikwi was sleeping on, disturbing it.

"WITCHES! WATSON, THE WITCHES ARE COMING!" the old Kikwi shouted as it woke up, flailing wildly.

The trio looked a bit concerned.

"Uh… hi?" Link started.

"YOU!" the Kikwi began, pointing what looked like a walking stick at Link. "NO LONGER WILL YOUR HUBISTUOUS WAYS PLAGUE OUR COUNTRY! WATSON'S MEGA CANNON SHALL SEND YOU ALL TO THE DEPTHS OF HARPOONIA WHERE YOU WILL NEVER BE SEEN AGAIN BY PENGUIN EYES!"

"I'm beginning to doubt my earlier statement," Sali said.

"MY GREAT GRANNY URSULANIA HAD BETTER MANNERS THAN YOU!"

Even Nami didn't want to try to deal with these shenanigans. "How do we find a sacred flame in this area?" she asked flatly and loudly.

"YEEEEEH WITCHES! YOU SHALL NOT HAVE MY RED YAMS FOR YOUR DEMONIC RITUALS!"

"Hey, what's that thing?" Sali asked her teammates, pointing down off the tree a decent distance away.

It looked like some kind of closed gateway with a symbol on it.

"That symbol looks strangely familiar…" Nami commented.

"WELL OF COURSE IT DOES!" the old Kikwi continued. "THAT'S THE SYMBOL OF FARORE! Behind that thing leads to the great Water Dragon that guards the sacred flame! But it's not like WITCHES LIKE YEH have the blessed sword to open it with! HEH!"

The team looked at each other. Link nodded, Sali sighed, and Nami flat out groaned in annoyance.

"We seriously had to walk all the way up here to identify that gate?" she complained. "We've definitely passed that thing before. Are my powers that dysfunctional?"

"Well… we wouldn't have known what to do with it," Link reassured her. "We can only tell it's a gateway from up here because we can see behind it. It looks like a wall from the ground, right Sali?"  
Sali looked doubtful. "Uh…"

"I REMEMBER THAT ONE TIME MY NIECE CAME OVER! SHE BROUGHT OVER SOME OF THOSE RED YAMS AND WE WERE GOING TO HAVE THEM FOR DINNER! BUT THEN THE WITCHES STOLE THEM RIGHT OUT OF OUR-"

"Can we leave?" Sali asked.

"Not arguing," Nami mumbled.

* * *

It quickly came to Sali and Link's notice that Nami was not in a good mood. It was odd. She was normally the optimist and the one talking all the time; now, she said nothing, her expression appearing as unamused as Sali's was by default.

Based on her reaction to the trial she had to do, that probably had something to do with it, but another part of it very well could've been the fact that they walked all the way up that huge tree to find nothing but a crazy old guy.

In reality, however, Nami was busy beating herself up because she evidently misguided them, thinking that she didn't try hard enough and that it was her fault that they didn't end up in the exact place she wanted. Neither of her friends held it against her–she was trying to help, after all–but that didn't change the fact that it happened and that it was a waste of time.

"Okay, how do we open this thing?" Sali asked once they reached the gate.

"I would assume blasting it," Link replied, drawing his sword and holding it towards the sky. Light gathered into it, and he swung it, sending the wave of light into the patterned gateway.

It burst with a glow for a moment, but it didn't actually do anything.

"… Wow. I was convinced that would work," Link stated, surprised.

"The symbol doesn't seem to be complete," Nami commented. She walked up and put her hand on the gate's symbol of two juxtaposed half circles, tracing her finger around in a particular spot. "There should be a circle here…"

"What do we do? Use a permanent marker?" Sali attempted to joke, but there was no reaction and her crooked smile fell.

"Link… I think you should maybe try drawing it when your sword is charged up," Nami suggested. "It's just a hunch, though."

"Well, it's worth a shot," Link said. He held the Goddess Sword skyward again, and while it was still charged, he held it towards the door. When it collided, it left a bright, glowing mark. He moved it slightly, and it left a trail like a pen. "I think it works!"

"Then draw a circle!" Nami told him.

Link grinned. "… Wait, hold on, I just want to try something," he said. He carefully took hold of the blade of the sword to steady it and started to draw something.

He drew a bottom half of a circle, two circles above it, two dots inside the circles, a giant curved line below those circles, then drew over the top half, drawing a narrow spike on very top of the larger circle…

"What the heck, Link, are you drawing Groose's face?" Sali asked.

Nami's mouth twitched.

A circle shone under the drawing and THE DOOR OPENED.

Nami burst out laughing. "IT ACCEPTED THAT?!" she exclaimed. "How does that even-OH MY DIN."

Link looked at the open door to see that his beautiful drawing had vanished. "Aw man… I was hoping that would stay there," he said.

Behind the door was an enclosed bridge that lead to a circular platform above the large, clear lake in front of them. Waterfalls poured out all around them on the other side; it was like the calming sound of the single waterfall on Skyloft, except multiplied to the point where no one could hear each other without yelling. On the far side of the circle, there was a small staircase leading up to an open ended section of the platform about a hundred feet above the surface of the lake.

It was like it was asking them to jump off…

"Are you kidding me? I'm not jumping off! That's gonna hurt like Din's Lair!" Sali said, crossing her arms.

"We have to get down there somehow," Nami told her. "With a gateway like this, down there has to be where we need to go. Especially with the whole… you know, water abilities I picked up."

"I don't think it'll hurt if you dive properly," Link said. "See you at the bottom."

"WAIT LINK-" Sali started, but Link dove right off the edge.

"Second's better than third!" Nami stated, taking a running jump off the platform.

"Guys!" Sali ran over and looked over the edge, watching her friends drop into the body of water below. "Guys…"

Sali sighed, briefly looking behind her to notice a flash of orange on the other side of the bridge. She furrowed her brow for a moment, knowing precisely what that was.

She turned her attention back off the edge and let out a huff of air to compose herself before diving off.

* * *

When they all had landed in the water, the current of the waterfalls immediately began to push them towards a tunnel in the distance. It was the only direction to go, so they swam in the direction of the current and soon found themselves being dumped off the edge of a small waterfall into another body of water inside a cavern. The top of it was open, fortunately, so it was still easy to see.

"Ack! More humans?!" a creature off in the distance exclaimed, getting their attention. Its appearance was indescribable, but it looked like a small orange octopus crossed over with a turtle and had its body parts moved and changed to the point where it looked nothing like the things it was based on. "Okay, I just… I just have to back away slowly and avoid eye contact…"

"More humans? Was someone here before us?" Nami asked.

The creature ignored her and awkwardly floated away.

"Uh? Excuse me?"

"Don't waste your time, they're probably racist," Sali told her.

"How could someone have been here before us?" Link wondered. "Zelda went through that portal gate, right? Not to mention that gate was closed, so it couldn't have even been Groose, unless he figured out some way to climb over the top of the bridge… and swim…"

"Oh right… Groose is still down here…" Sali said.

"Come on, let's just get going," Nami told them.

"… Yeah…"

* * *

After another encounter with the possibly-racist creature involving breaking open a gate with the Water Spin Straight From Super Mario Galaxy, the creature suddenly noticed the emblem that Nami was wearing and identified them as heroes of destiny that had come to receive the sacred flame that was being watched over by the so-called Water Dragon.

However, after discovering this helpful knowledge, they only learned that the dragon had been injured by some 'weirdo' with a gang of monsters. The creature went on to point out that the Water Dragon had been attacked while her guard was down, because she normally has no problem with things like this.

Having no other options, the team followed the creature to meet the injured dragon and see what they could do to help.

After swimming for a decent amount of time, they reached a shrine-like area with a platform in the center. On top of it was some kind of huge tub with what looked like the dragon in it, except she was only about their size for some reason.

"Ah! You there, humans!" the dragon exclaimed. "You have intruded into my home, a sacred place few are permitted to enter! This is no place for the likes of you, and yet here you stand! You will explain how you got here, and quickly!"

"I'm assuming you know about the destined heroes?" Sali asked. "Yeah, that's us. Need proof? I think that thing is important." She pointed to Nami's emblem. "Aaaand that." She pointed to Link's sword. "That's how we got through the gate."

"Hmm… Well…" the dragon began, "those are both items blessed by the goddess… all right, fine, it would make sense that you're the heroes, even if you're a bit underdressed." The team made faces at each other; they were just wearing old clothes for the sake of swimming in them. "But that aside, how did you even find this place? It wasn't that old Kikwi who told you, was it?"

"He was pretty useless, actually. Kinda… extremely senile? I dunno."

"Ugh… whatever, I suppose I can't blame everything on him. I am Faron, the Water Dragon, and I guard the sacred flame, and all those things. Being the heroes of legend, I assume that you're here to receive the sacred flame, correct?"

"Yeah. Where do we need to go?" Sometimes it was easier to just let Sali do all the talking.

"But hold on, I'm not finished yet," Faron said. "I have a small task for you to complete to completely prove yourselves. If you're really the heroes, you should be able to complete this with no issues whatsoever."

"… What is it?" Sali asked, sounding rather disgruntled.

"You see, a pompous creature who called himself Ghirahim barged into my home and left me injured. The wounds he's given me are stubborn things, and I've been forced to recuperate in this basin of sacred water. Unfortunately, the healing properties of the water have diminished, and now I'm in need of another dose to freshen up my healing bath. Bring me the container of fresh sacred water that I require."

"… Um, hold up," Sali began again. "I understand that you want us to prove ourselves, but we really don't have time for errands that literally anyone else could do, especially when we're people who aren't incredibly familiar with the area, like… you know, the residents."

"I'll reveal the location of the sacred flame once you complete the task," Faron said.

"What part of this even has to do with proving ourselves? We might be heroes but we aren't _doormats_ with nothing better to do."

Link and Nami looked around awkwardly, not liking the direction this conversation was going in, especially because this dragon, albeit injured, was the guardian of the sacred flame.

But before anyone could say anything else, they suddenly heard screaming off in a distance; more specifically, far above them.

… Very familiar screaming.

Everyone looked up–Sali looking especially concerned–as the screaming grew closer and closer. Soon enough, the person came falling through the large hole in the cavern ceiling and crashed into the water.

There were a few seconds of silence before the person swam back up out of the water, foot-tall red hair spike somehow still perfectly intact.

"SQUAD LOSER LOCATED!" Groose shouted, deep voice echoing through the cavern, pointing at the team before sinking back into the water.

"WHY ARE YOU HERE?!" Sali immediately yelled in response. "AND HOW?!"

Groose pulled himself onto the platform more dramatically than was necessary. "I HAVE MY WAYS!" he declared. "Anyway, Groose is here and ready to help! I am significant in the metaphorical scrolls of destiny, after all!"

"Oh my Din…"

"Groose, there actually is a mission for you right now!" Link suddenly spoke up. "You see, the Water Dragon Faron right here has been injured needs some sacred water in order to heal! You think you could be a hero and get it for her?"

"Excuse me, I did _not_-" the dragon started.

"I don't normally take requests from Loser, but this is for the sake of herodom!" Groose exclaimed, saluting. "Groose is on the job! Where shall I find this sacred water?"

"The Skyview Temple!" Nami told him, her eyes purple. "At the very end of it, there's a spring! Tell a gigantic terrifying spider named Derek that we sent you and he'll tell you how to get there because if you don't you'll probably have to go through the whole dungeon because we kind of didn't unlock the boss door."

"Got it!" Groose replied. He took out a grappling hook. "TO HERODOM!" He pointed it upwards and it somehow zipped him out of the cavern.

"… What just happened," Sali said.

The water dragon looked kind of ticked off.

"Water's on the way," Link stated, smiling sheepishly.

"… You crafty humans," Faron growled. "Still taking advantage of conveniences and making everything as easy as possible, just as your condescending species always has."

"Whoa, that is not cool," Nami spoke up. "Do you see us judging you just because you're a dragon?"

"What kind of servant of the goddess are you to see a whole species on the same level like that?" Sali asked. "And to be brutally honest? I'd believe you were talking about yourself if I didn't know better."

Faron's eyes narrowed.

"Okay okay okay," Link said before any of the other creatures in the room could interrupt, standing between his teammates and the dragon. "I understand the moral importance of this conversation, but there seems to be a misunderstanding as to just how important is it that we obtain this flame as quickly as we possibly can. I think that we've misjudged just how _little time_ we have until the impending apocalypse happens and how the destruction of all races is upon us because a certain demon king is going to be resurrected or something and that we're all going to die if we don't do everything we can to stop it."

There was a silence in the cavern.

"So yeah, prompt action is necessary and, as much as I hate to admit this, we all need to act like this is actually going to happen."

Faron let out a huff of air.

"… So be it," the dragon grumbled. "I'll tell you where the flame is so you will get out of my sight. Go out that exit over there. On the other side, there will be a large waterfall, and the dungeon behind it has the flame in it. To get in, you pull a loose slab out of the paved circle next to the bird statue and there will be a control system under it. We never use it because I can easily clear the waterfall without it, but obviously it will be necessary for you _humans_ to get through."

"Thank you, Faron," Nami said sweetly.

"Now leave," Faron ordered.

The trio started to make their way towards the exit, and, hearing the whispers of the water creatures around them, they soon picked up the pace until they were outside in the sun again, away from all of that.

"I can't believe this," Sali mumbled, clearly agitated. "I can't fricking believe this!" She turned to Link. "Can you fricking believe this?"

"No, it's pretty fricking unbelievable," Link replied.

"Why do servants of the goddess have an inexplicable tendency to be insufferable pricks to us? It's like, yeah. We dumped the chore she gave us on Groose for good reason. I almost understand being mad about that. But after that she was just… REALLY?! Is that the reason that creature we met at the entrance was acting like that? I bet it WAS!"

Something occurred to Nami while Sali was ranting.

"Hey… guys?" Nami started, and Sali stopped.

"What's up?" the green-haired girl asked.

"Can you look for that control panel thing for the waterfall and see if you can get it to work?" Nami asked them, looking in a distance towards a narrow path between the cliffs. "I need to… um… do something."

Sali and Link looked over where Nami was looking. There didn't seem to be anything particularly strange about the path, but Sali could already predict what was going to happen from sheer probability alone, and she was sure it had nothing to do with the actual location. Link was wondering if there was something back there, but based on the tone of Nami's voice, he could tell that wasn't the reason she wanted to go there.

"Go ahead," Sali told the blue-haired girl.

"I'll be back in a minute," Nami replied. She darted off into the path.

After a short run, she arrived at a small circular clearing filled with small flowers of multiple types and colors. Nami had to refrain from picking the pastel-colored blooms, knowing that there was nothing she could do to preserve them at the moment. That wasn't the reason she was there, either; she, truthfully, wanted to get away from her teammates just for a short while, but for a reason.

Through educated guessing, she was almost certain that things would go precisely as she hoped in that moment.

"Eric!" she called. "Are you there?"

She heard no response.

"Hellooooo…" Nami called again. Things were still quiet, aside from the occasional chirping bird. "RICKY. DUDE. I HAVE YOUR COAT." She pulled the coat out of her magic pocket and held it up. "GET YOURSELF OVER HERE, PLEASE."

Eric emerged at the top of the cliffs and got down on a knee. "Not to be rude but SHUSH!" he yelled down. "I'm trying to be secretive!"

"Sorry, sorry," Nami apologized. "You're supposed to be sneaky ninja spy who's still lurking among the big bads."

Eric raised an eyebrow.

Nami held her hand up and beckoned him down. He sighed, and much to Nami's surprise, he leapt right off the twenty-five foot tall ledge and landed flawlessly in front of her.

"Geez, and people call me dramatic," Nami commented, laughing. She would have questioned how he was even able to do that, but he was a demon; she'd learned by that point he was much more physically capable than a human. "Anyway, here's your coat. I see you… have multiple? Do you _always_ wear fluffy coats?"

"Yes," he answered flatly, taking the jacket.

He was wearing a hoodless black coat this time. Nami internally acknowledged that he was wearing way too much black now and his raven-colored hair wasn't making it any better.

"Well. When I go out, that is," Eric added.

"Did… did you get back down here okay?" Nami asked him.

"It was fine. I mean, I immediately passed out on the couch for like an hour, but other than that it was fine."

Nami furrowed her brow slightly, having a hard time telling whether he meant he fainted or just fell asleep. But he seemed okay now, so she decided to let it go.

She paused in thought. Did he say 'couch'? She realized that she didn't know where exactly he was normally staying. She assumed that he was just constantly on the move thanks to Ghirahim's motives, but perhaps she was wrong and he did have a living space. She wondered what kind of place it was, what the area was like…

… was it comfortable?

"I-I…" Nami stammered, looking for words. "I need to go back to Link and Sali now so we can get into the next dungeon, I guess I'll see you later."

"… That's how you pronounce her name?" Eric asked, sounding surprised.

Nami looked confused. "You mean… Sali?"

"I've been thinking this whole time that it was just a really weird spelling of Sally," Eric admitted. "Well, I did hear it a few times, but I never really remembered it."

Nami let out a small laugh. "Yeah, accent's on the second syllable. I hear people call her Sally all the time and it irritates her to no end. Good thing I had a chance to tell you, you'd never hear the end of it if you called her that!"

"Uh… yeah…" Eric replied.

There was a really, really awkward silence.

"Hahahahah… see ya," Nami said, turning on her heel and running off.

Not even she could overcome that level of awkward.

* * *

When Nami got back, she was surprised to see the paved circle in the path somehow completely opened up off the ground. Under it were numerous buttons and levers, and Link was crouched over it, trying to figure out the controls for clearing the waterfall.

"So, how was it?" Sali asked Nami.

"W-What are you talking about?" the blue-haired girl questioned.

"Your little chat, obviously. Why else would you have left?"

Nami sighed. "Was it that obvious?"

"On many, many levels."

"Here we go," Link said, hands flipping over a number of things. A wall closed over the top of the waterfall, preventing its flow. Water came flowing out of several other locations in the area, indicating that the flow had been changed to prevent flooding.

"Hooray for Link and his puzzle solving skills!" Nami cheered.

"It was kind of stupid for them to send us over here without clear instructions," Link commented. "They should be glad that I understand this stuff. Ah well, at least all the buttons are labeled in Hylian." He rose to his feet. "So, what say we get this show on the road?"

The three of them made their way over to the entrance of the dungeon. As it had been for the others, it was a rather spooky, foreboding staircase. The only difference was, there somehow light at the bottom, and based on what the staircase looked like, it seemed as if dungeon was going to be a lot more colorful.

"… I'm feeling kind of uneasy, to be honest," Nami pointed out. "We're probably going to have to fight. And… in these clothes?"

"I think we'll be fine, as long as we support each other as normal," Link told her.

"All right! Let's go!" Sali declared as she started down the staircase. Her teammates soon followed behind her.

She arrived at the bottom first, only to freeze in place.

"Uh? Sali? What's wrong?" Nami asked her.

Sali held on of her hands up to beckon them down, without even turning around.

Link and Nami reached the bottom, and it was soon clear to them what exactly the matter was.

This was not a normal dungeon.

There were stores.

There weren't supposed to be stores in dungeons.

"What the actual Din's Lair is this," Sali said.

Light gleaming through the tall ceiling, monsters were running about from store to store on the multiple floors that could be seen through the hole in the center, some more hurried than others. The massive, cylindrical room beautifully decorated with a warm color scheme, and tall pillars detailed every wall. At the bottom floor, which was where the trio had come in on, water filled in parts of the floor, pouring from the walls, giant lily pads floating on it. It looked as if gates had been put up to keep anyone from falling into the water.

All of these details, however, blew over the team's head. After all, there was a huge statue of Ghirahim in the center of the room on top of a pedestal that looked like it could be entered, but it seemed to be off-limits; some tall lizard creatures dressed like security guards were blocking it.

"… It's probably been a while since they checked on this place," Link said.

"You don't say," Sali replied.

"Why is there a statue of Ghirahim?" Nami asked, sounding concerned.

For the first time in quite a while, Fi appeared in front of them. "I have detected an anomaly in the dungeon," she said. "I am unable to identify the reason why this has happened, but I can confirm a 98% chance that the best option is to not draw attention."

"Where are we supposed to go?" Link asked the sword spirit, hoping she might actually help them.

"I'd say anywhere we're not supposed to," Sali answered instead. "Like behind that door those security guards are standing in front of."

"I estimate a 77% chance that guarded areas have potential significance," Fi said.

"Well… how do we get in there? It's guarded for a reason," Nami pointed out.

"Maybe we could ask?" Link suggested. "I don't know, some people don't realize we're humans, maybe this will be similar."

"Ask? Are you fricking kidding me?" Sali asked him disbelievingly.

Link took about three steps forward before the guards noticed him.

"Wait a second! You guys are humans!" one of the lizards exclaimed.

"They must be the chosen heroes!" the other one stated.

"Ah crap," Link mumbled.

"Get 'em!" Lizard A said, and the two guards dashed towards the team.

Link and Sali immediately reached for their swords. Nami sighed, seeing the decision that her friends decided to make. Fighting when there were so many other monsters in the area probably wasn't the best idea, but it seemed like they had no choice.

But before any weapons could even be drawn, the trio found themselves being dragged into the base of the Ghirahim statue instead.

"To the Basement Warrior!" Lizard A declared.

"To the Basement Warrior!" Lizard B repeated.

They pushed the team into a large hole in the ground where they landed in a heap even though they only fell about ten feet. None of them were injured either, because for some reason, there was a mattress beneath them.

The three of them quickly got to their feet and drew their swords (well, Nami summoned hers). In front of them, a huge pile of bones somehow assembled itself into a somewhat-armored, really tall skeleton that looked like it wanted to kill them. It pulled two swords out of literally no where and let out a horrendous screech.

"Basement Warrior, we told you not to screech anymore! It's unpleasant and makes us want to throw you into the Evil Bog!" Lizard A told it.

"No! Not the Evil Bog!" the skeleton cried, its voice just about as screechy as the team expected it to be after hearing the sound it had just made. To be more specific, it was akin to Toad's voice multiplied by about four.

"These are the chosen heroes!" Lizard B announced. "Kill them, and we'll give you a raise! Probably!"

"Oh boy!" the skeleton exclaimed. "Imma ded you, bazingos!"

"Let's go get some burgers," Lizard A told Lizard B. They promptly left, leaving the team in the hole with the screechy skeleton.

"Let's just take care of this the easy way," Sali mumbled. "Step aside, guys."

There wasn't time to argue. Link and Nami practically ran out of the way, and Sali dashed towards the skeleton, sword ready. The magic creature attempted to block an incoming slash, but to everyone's surprise, Sali had stabbed straight through its spinal cord, taking the thing in half.

Somehow, it didn't actually die, but it was a magic beast that made no sense as it was. The top half of the body hit the ground.

"Ow," the skeleton said. Sali kicked off its helmet, drove her sword through its skull, and the whole thing exploded into purple smoke.

"Too easy," Sali felt the need to say, sheathing her sword.

There was a quiet moment, everyone taking in the fact that she just owned that thing, even though it looked incredibly tough.

"Can we just…" Nami started, getting Link and Sali's attention, "… talk about the fact that moments like these remind me of how not unified we are as a group?"

"What? Is this about teamwork making things more inconvenient?" Sali asked more harshly than she intended to. She sighed at the looks she received in response. "Okay. Sorry. Not what I meant. I mean, we didn't plan this stuff. Nor am I used to it."

"We don't even have a team leader," Nami added.

"Isn't Link the leader?" Sali questioned. Link shrugged.

"That… was never actually decided, I think. So yeah, we're leaderless, and practical, general decisions have yet to be made."

"That's because we never thought stuff like that would have to be discussed. This whole time, I've just been going with 'we're three people who usually cooperate because we never really have disagreements'. Okay, yeah, we do disagree _sometimes_, but that never really affects our ability to work together in situations that require it."

"Uh… I kind of beg to differ," Link spoke up.

Sali turned towards him, raising an eyebrow. "What? Has it been bad enough?"

"In a way…" Link told her. "I just feel like it would be more productive to at least set some things straight. Things that we're able to, at least."

"Are we gonna pick a leader?" Nami asked.

"Sounds like someone is excited to be in charge," Sali said.

Nami frowned. "Nooo," she replied. "I just want our group to have an official feel to it. Also, I would be a terrible leader. I'm super indecisive."

"But you're so charismatic," Link commented.

"That's not really enough when it comes to being a group of destined heroes who fight evil," Nami told him with a laugh. "That could maybe lead a team of youth scouts selling cookies."

"What the heck, don't talk about youth scout cookies," Sali whined. "That'll make me want them. Actually, never mind, I always want them."

"Link would probably make a better leader than me," Nami continued, returning to her point. "He's so levelheaded all the time."

"When have I ever done anything that makes me worthy of being a leader, honestly?" Link asked. "We'd be better off without a leader than picking me. The only thing that could potentially put me in that position is the fact that destiny apparently says I'm the 'main character'–the one with the Goddess Sword. Which doesn't make a whole lot of sense, because I've done the least out of us."

"You don't give yourself enough credit," Nami said.

"But it's true," he insisted. "Sali is way more competent than me. I don't know why she's not in my place."

"I what?" the green-haired girl asked, surprised. "N-no way. They picked you for a reason, I'm sure."

Nami had to suppress a giggle; she could clearly see Sali blushing.

The blue-haired girl officially had a new favorite ship.

"What're you making that face for?" Sali asked her. "Stop it."

"Uh, as I was saying, if we're even going to have a leader, I think it should be one of you two," Link said.

"Nami it is," Sali immediately responded.

"Hey! You can't just make a decision like that!" Nami told her. "You'd be a way better leader than me! You're super honest, you're the best fighter, you're analytical, and you always on point when it comes to talking to people and getting things done!"

"Yeah, but I'm not charming like you, and I have zero patience."

"Do we even need a leader?" Link suggested, not seeing this conversation going anywhere. "Let's just make all our decisions collectively. There are only three of us, after all."

The two girls paused in thought.

"… Well, that's probably the most practical solution," Sali said, nodding. "I was half saying that from the beginning."

"But…" Nami started, but then sighed. "Yeah… as long as things get solved."

"Great. We can keep talking about this later," Link said, "because we're kind of in the middle of a monster-filled shopping center and that door over there opened when Sali beat that thing."

"Ahhhhhh right," Sali replied, letting her neck tilt as she said it. "There are way better places to talk about stuff like this."

"Sorry, I brought it up," Nami apologized. "Let's go."


End file.
